Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.
Full Novel Synopsis: Sequel to 'The Spiralling', itself a sequel to the Kick-Ass (2010) movie. However, this novel can be read on its own. After Big Daddy died, Mindy was driven mad, subdued by Dave, and locked away in an Institute after killing all who she deemed responsible but Dave. Will she recover? What will happen next to a New York without her nor the Motherfucker? Elements of the Kick-Ass 2 (2013) movie and comic series will be taken in.
The Descent
Chapter 13: Thy Kingdom Come Part 1
Friday nights had never felt better before. It wasn’t just the end of school week. It had become one of the many days when I could just live in the moment, be proud of being Kick-Ass again, instead of wandering around like Hamlet’s ghost father.
Upon reaching home, I inserted my key into the front door of the house, quietly. I didn’t feel like waking up the whole house to my return. Especially Mindy. I had to open the door slowly, as it would creak at certain angles – might want to talk to dad about it. It was at this moment, just like on Monday, or Wednesday, that I would wish I didn’t have to lock the doors before going to my room, but New York wasn’t that safe – perhaps one day, when Justice Forever had done enough…
The stairs creaked, like wooden drums, as I went up the stairs and into my room. There was light underneath the door to my room, but none underneath Mindy’s. Did I forget the lights again? When I opened the door, I found out that that wasn’t the case. Holy Kryptonite. Mindy was inside, and still wide awake, scribbling on a piece of paper. It was already an hour past midnight, “Mandy? You should be asleep by now…”
“Dave, I can’t… The nightmares…” Mindy moaned, sounding a little exhausted but still keeping up her vigil. I sat down beside her, put my arms around her. It reminded me of her medication. It was running out. They would be gone by Sunday. When I called Dr Paul about it, he said that the nightmares were a normal phase of development. Even normal kids had such anxieties. They would just need to be numbed towards it, “You kept coming back so late. I can’t stand it anymore, Dave.” She seemed to melt into me like an ice cube. I could even feel water, but it turns out to be her tears.
“You know, Mandy, the nightmares…” I said, trying to think of something, something that would make her go to her room and sleep on her own – it was becoming too difficult, sharing my room with my adopted sister. I must have been the only guy on Earth who does that, “They can’t hurt you. They’re scary, sure, but…”
“But they’re really scary… I’d bleed again.” Mindy was almost pleading. I couldn’t really understand what her nightmares were about, but they seemed like the same kind as any other – darkness, screaming, kissing… The last being the anxiety that even I as a kid face. “Can I still sleep here with you?”
“Mandy… You can’t keep sleeping in my room!” I couldn’t help but to be frustrated, but I tried not to sound too much like it. I had doubts that I pulled it off pretty good. I was hoping that her gullibility didn’t expire today, “that’s why people have rooms, you know. Mandy, you need to be brave. It will stop soon, I promise.”
“Fine.” Fat chance. Mindy had grown a little mature faster than I thought she would. Struggling out of my embrace, she inched away from me, stood up with a start. She was angry again. The only thing I could be happy with was that it wasn’t explosive. I stared out the window – how did it come to this again? Before I knew it, I felt a pillow whamming hard across half my face, my spectacles flying in the same direction. I scrambled to pick it up. I could barely see, but I saw and hear Mindy stomping off. Scratch that, she was just as explosive, but it was a controlled explosion. It was even worse. It was like watching Dr Robert Banner turning into The Incredible Hulk with plenty of gore and blood thrown in.
Before she crossed the room, she turned around again, just as I managed to get my glasses back on. Looking at her, I saw her – beads of tears falling, but not streams of them which was the usual. Her fists were clenched, knuckles jutting out. The same knuckles as Hit-Girl’s. I couldn’t help but to stare at them, to notice how jagged and tough they remained, even if the flesh around it were no longer toned. Her face was a little red, and it wasn’t shame. She looked like she was holding a lot back, tears for one, but it looked like it was more than that. I was actually a little afraid. Well, I was fucking terrified that I actually stood up half-firm, backing away – thinking that I was in for it. “Mandy? Whoa- Hey…”
“You said you were sorry.” I could feel her shaking, holding back an angry scream. Beads of tears were dropping, but she was holding them back admirably, “You said you won’t go every day.” I came forward a little. I wanted to hold her once again, show her that she was still loved as much, but she backed away just as much.
“Mandy, come on! You know how important it is for me to help people in the city.” I tried reasoning with her, thinking that with her gullibility out of the way, a little rationality might make headway into her.
“What about me? I’m your sister!” Her voice was loud but shaking – the dam had broken. With that, she turned and opened the door, slammed it shut. Her footsteps trailed away, and I could hear a door slamming again.
Thinking back, Mindy was right. I’d gone overboard. My schedule with Justice Forever meant meetings, trainings and duties on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday, but I’d been going elsewhere other than home with Marty on Tuesday and Thursday. Despite Colonel Stars and Stripes’ pacifistic approach towards crimefighting, I’d decided to learn from my experience a little. The villains were all gun-toting crack-shots. I’d been lucky so far – either that or I had a pair of miniguns on my back. I was nearly shot before I fought Mindy as Demoness on the D’Amico Tower. Hence, I’d decided to learn a little about guns and modern warfare, and Marty readily agreed.
So on Tuesday and Thursday, we were down at a gun range offering practical lessons in gun handling, then paintball after that. We’d learnt quite a bit. Sure, we won’t shoot straight sometimes… half the time, but we knew how to shoot. A little. At paintball, we had some ideas about shooting and avoiding getting shot. We were teamed up with strangers, against strangers, and we had one or two regulars on our side. They taught us a thing or two about taking cover, providing covering fire, stuff like that. It gave us confidence, even if we caused our team to lose. It gave me an edge, but Mindy was right. I knew right from the beginning that I’d be risking a relapse in her, and I fell right into that without putting up much of a fight. Worse of all, I didn’t even notice.
I waited for a bit, then tried to check on Mindy. I knocked on her door. No response. I knocked again, and for a bit, there was still nothing. All kinds of things were flashing before my mind. She could be doing anything in there, anything from crying to planning my murder to hanging herself. I could no longer be sure, but then came my reply, “Go away, I don’t ever want to talk to you ever again.” That was what she said before, so I thought to myself: maybe we’d make up in the morning. At the same time, somewhere in the back of my skull, I couldn’t help but to rule out ‘twice’s the charm’ as a good saying.
Yet, I couldn’t sleep. I was always anticipating the worse. I imagined running into her room after hearing a noise, to find her hanging on a noose. I imagined her crawling through the window, with a mask and knife to slit my throat. I imagined her in the same position as me, unable to get a wink of sleep…
The digital clock on my table chimed once. Looking around it, I saw that it was 4 o’clock. I was still afraid. I tried turning on the TV, but it helped little to nothing. It was the 2000s hour. Westlife was on MTV – little wonder, considering that they were a few years outdated, or a lifetime in pop culture terms. My eyes opened and shut, as vague memories surfaced from my younger days, slowly overpowered by recent memory.
I remember all my life
Raining down as cold as ice
shadows of a man
A face through a window
Crying in the night
The night goes into
The television blared, softened by my remote. I dropped the remote, never to be seen again. My arm felt numb. Couldn’t move my legs.
Morning, just another day
Happy people pass my way
Looking in their eyes
I see a memory
I never realized
how happy you made me, oh Mandy
I was falling asleep, reality crashing into dreams, and dream invading reality. Mindy…
Well you came and you gave without taking
but I sent you away, oh Mandy
well you kissed me and stopped me from shaking
And I need you today, oh Mandy
What have I done this time what did I do again Mindy?
I'm standing on the edge of time
I´ve Walked away when love was mine
Caught up in a world of uphill climbing
The tears are in my mind
And nothing is rhyming, oh Mandy
To give those in need what they deserve Justice Forever Justice Mindy what I do who do I choose?
Well you came and you gave without taking
but I sent you away, oh Mandy
well you kissed me and stopped me from shaking
And I need you today, oh Mandy
I’m sorry so sorry Mindy I just I can’t this would have been what you always wanted had you not been Mandy I need you Mindy…
Yesterday's a dream I face the morning
Crying on a breeze
the pain is calling, oh Mandy
What do I do Mindy what do I do everywhere I turn pain is calling its always calling…
Well you came and you gave without taking
but I sent you away, oh Mandy
well you kissed me and stopped me from shaking
And I need you today, oh Mandy
Mindy… What do I do?
You came and you gave without taking
but I sent you away, oh Mandy
You kissed me and stopped me from shaking
And I need you!
Mindy… Please…
Oh Mandy won't you listen to what I've got to say
Oh baby dont you let me throw it all away
Oh Mandy won't you listen to what I've got to say
and I need you today oh Mandy...
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hey there Raven!
So I actually do remember reading a few of these chapters on ff.net and I am going to review them anyway. Even though in most cases I am left with not too much to say!
This chapter was incredibly well written as always, and there was barely anything to nitpick. I do have a personal complaint with the story, but brushing it aside I do think you've put an incredible amount of detail into this chapter and the argument they have. The reader can easily feel the emotions Dave and Mindy are both feeling, and we can see what the consequences of this might be. I did like that we were able to also see all of his thoughts splayed out throughout the conflict. Loved it.
But my only problem with the conflict is that I feel like I have read all of this before. I feel like we keep going in the circle of her showing up in his room and she doesn't want to leave, but he sort of wants his privacy. And the first couple of times I didn't mind, but as a reader I am going to say the harsh truth of it - it's a bit boring for me. Yes, this time Dave did take a stand for himself and say what was on his mind - that he needs his space. But I think now either this common problem needs to take another step and morph into something new and unseen before like you have begun doing, or it needs to be quickly solved so we can move on to another issue. Because I feel like this scene idea has been dragged out as much as it could be already :/
Another thing is, I am surprised such a simple thing as putting a lock on is something Dave would even spare the time to think about. I mean, he must've had to do this since he was a child living in New York, and after all this time I would think it would've been one of those mundane things that he doesn't have to think about as he does it. Not something he would actually take the time to think about as he does it and think 'oh, I sincerely hate doing this.' I think you either have to have him spin the lock as he always does, turn away and then hear the click so that he turns back and for some reason feels a strange fascination with a lock he has come by all this life (everyone gets this with everyday things every now and again, and it would be a good reason for his thoughts to stem into how he wishes he could leave it unlocked). That way it wouldn't make him seem like someone strange who always thinks about every little thing he does. People do a lot of things automatically without sparing a thought to them.
Nitpick time! Your nitpicks are very small though.
He's not a kid anymore, so it should be 'faced' to show the past tense.
I think you mean 'heard' at the end there.
He's calling her Mandy. I think you mean Mindy here
I'm going to go and read the next chapter now, actually!
Deanie x
Hey, Dark Raven!
Yeah, I know I've already reviewed this, but now that I've gone through the entire previous 12 chapters, I feel better qualified to review it.
One thing that I've been wondering for quite a while now is how come Mindy (Mandy, same difference) has these nose bleeds? Did Dave mention them to the doctor before? Is it of the same reaction that she has with the knife and her hand shaking? Her mind is rejecting the memories so they cause her to bleed? I guess now isn't the best time, but I am kind of concerned as to why Dave hasn't asked the doctor about it.
Speaking of the doctor, he's appeared to have disappeared and even Dave doesn't think about him that often. Have they stayed in touch? Has he notified him that the even stronger pills aren't even working? Does the doctor realize what these nightmares really are? These details have been pulling at me for the last couple of chapters.
Another thing that stood out to me from the last part was about the time when it left off then was already Friday, so why wait until now to mention how Fridays are the best days for Dave? It kind of takes a relapse and I'm left thinking about what just happened. And, yes, a little confused.
I still hold truth to the fact that the ending is so widened out that its still sort of hard to follow, though the actual chant is rather nice. It actually makes sense now xD It's really nice that Dave is finally taking a moment to accept Mandy. Like actually accept her, not just think its best for her not to murder everyone.
Though, I still don't get where the memories come in. There couldn't have been some kind of 'Mandy' when he was younger? So as he's drifting off to sleep, maybe try a different transitioning than memories. Or even just show them blaring along with the chant echoing in his head.
Once again, a great chapter. Now for the next part. Keep on Writing,
~Wolfare~
Hey, Dark! Sorry that I'm coming in a little late, but I'll do my best to leave an insightful review though I have not read previous parts.
So, I'll probably stick to more technical things over plot normally, but this really stood out to me. Why in the world would you have two character named so similarly. Mandy and Mindy? Their names are so similar it's very difficult to tell who is who. Unless they are the same person... From what I can read here, it appears to me that Mandy is this little girl, but I find it impossible to tell how old she is. It mentions something about her being his adopted sister, and Dave appears to be a grown man, but it also says that all children go through this phase. So I'm getting really mixed signals here.
The ending I'm not really sure I liked. One big thing is that it was so spacious and left a lot of white space around. Now usually, this is what people are looking for, not to have such dense text with boring drones of on going description and such, but this can also be quite the eyes strain. The way it drifts back and forth between Dave's thoughts and the poem being recited in his head also seems rather odd. If anything, insert it in better stops throughout the poem to increase the flow and it's not at all abrupt and interrupted like some parts felt.
Dave also says that memories resurface as he's drifting off to sleep, but how is this a memory. If anything, this is more of a chant embedded in him brain from when he was younger. So maybe treat it like so. Go further into his dream and talk about how this haunts him. It may make things more clear.
Final thing that I will mention before moving on is that there were some spots here which had a more choppy feel to them, since it kind of felt more like a list of emotions rather than one flowing right into another, so maybe look into that.
Eitherway, this was quite interesting and I plan on going through the next parts. Happy Review Day and Keep on Writing,
~Wolfare~
Hmm... I don't have much of an opinion on the storyline itself since I don't know much about the Kick Ass movie. (I never bothered to watch it). But I like how this was very well written. No there were spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors that I could spot and I found it to be a very good read. Nice work and sorry this review isn't very helpful. Have a great afternoon! -IceWinifredd
Hi! Lets get started. I haven't read the other parts yet but I plan to! Saying that there was a bit of confusion on my part on the characters and their actions. But I can comment on you lovely descriptions. You truly set the scene for this chapter.
Hello D4RKR4VEN,
Myjaspercat here for your review
First thing I would like to mention is that I normally don't review work if I haven't read any of the other parts before it. Since it is the lovely review day and you are waiting for help I am here to give you my opinion Sorry if I get anything wrong that has been explained in earlier chapters, I am coming in with a fresh perspective. So that being said, if I say something that you have already worked on then either ignore me (I wont get hurt) or use what you need. Onwards....
1.) "Friday nights had never felt better before. It wasn’t just the end of school week. It had become one of the many days when I could just live in the moment, be proud of being Kick-Ass again, instead of wandering around like Hamlet’s ghost father."
----I do like this paragraph, I think that it is well written but I still have a concern;
a.) I believe you should explain more on the Friday night thing. How has it become a day your MC can live in the moment? How Kick-ass is your MC?
2.) "Upon reaching home, I inserted my key into the front door of the house, quietly."
----This sentence is really... formal. It doesn't seem like a way someone would explain their daily actions. Since I haven't really read much I understand that this might be how your MC actually talks but it still sounds to formal making it harder to connect to.
3.) "Especially Mindy."
----Ok, what has this got to do with this Mindy person. Again, I haven't read previous chapters but if you are going to through in another name, thin I believe it best if you explained (if only briefly) what they have to do with the content.
4.) "The stairs creaked, like wooden drums, as I went up the stairs and into my room."
----Cut off 'as I went up the stairs and into my room' and re-write it somehow like this. 'as I walked up them and into my room'. The reason for this change in wording is because at the beginning of the sentence you already mentioned the stairs and you don't want to end up repeating yourself because it makes your story look clunky.
5.) “Mandy? You should be asleep by now…”
----You called her Mindy up until this point, so I am assuming that it is a small error.
6.) Whoa, I thought that Mindy was some sort of girl who was weaker and got scared easier. I am actually surprised that she turned out to be a girl who will hit someone else and get made like that. Nice job. I would like to know how old Mindy was.
7.) You have a couple of words that are either spelled wrong or that you combined which should only be two words. Remember to proof read, but it wasn't that much so don't worry to much.
****
Overall I really liked this piece. I didn't find much that I thought would be bad enough to point out so that is good. Really the only thing I can say now is try, try, and try again.
Good luck and continue writing----Myjaspercat.