18+ Language Violence Mature Content

The Descent Chapter 13: Thy Kingdom Come Part 4

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.

Full Novel Synopsis: Sequel to 'The Spiralling', itself a sequel to the Kick-Ass (2010) movie. However, this novel can be read on its own. After Big Daddy died, Mindy was driven mad, subdued by Dave, and locked away in an Institute after killing all who she deemed responsible but Dave. Will she recover? What will happen next to a New York without her nor the Motherfucker? Elements of the Kick-Ass 2 (2013) movie and comic series will be taken in.

The Descent

Chapter 13: Thy Kingdom Come Part 4

Back out…

We started pulling gangsters back, Bloods or Crips, it matters little. It became a 3-way battle, but with the criminals divided and weakening each other, it was surprisingly easy. With a baton, I snatched one of them by the neck and pulled him back, tripping him – he fell back first, and with my free hand, I drew a taser and shocked him. It was easier that way.

Around the other end, Marty was timid at first, but eventually he dived in – not the best way to start things – and rammed one of them; a Crips in rapper style clothes, against the wall, pinning him there. The Latino guy was stuck, his knife dangling uselessly by his side. The shield was huge enough to immobilize him, but Marty was stuck too, as he looked like he didn’t know what to do then.

A huge fellow with a Chicago Bulls basketball jersey drew an old looking pistol from the back of his pants, pointed it right at Colonel Stars and Stripes’ forehead, right between the eyes, about to fire but the Colonel nonchalantly snatched his gunhand by the wrist, pushed it up before he fired. It went overhead, poking a hole in the ceiling. He jammed his axe handle into the huge Bloods member’s stomach, then just below the lungs, and gave him a headbutt and arm-twisted him, forcing him to drop his old pistol.

“Battleguy, look out!” I shouted. Another Crips was coming at him, about to try to free his gang friend. Luckily, the husband half of Remembering Tommy was on the case – his golf club idea was rejected, but he brought a whole bag of them, which the Colonel let slip. He had two in his hands, and he swung them sideways at the Crips gang member. One of them ended up in his face and the other in the chest. He fell flat quickly.

“Thanks!” Marty shouted back, as he was still considering what to do with the gangster he pinned down. Eventually, he decided to ram the Crips member against the wall repeatedly, and eventually he went out cold. It was the most unconventional thing I had ever seen, but for a Captain America without superhuman powers, it was good enough.

In the meantime, Nightbitch and Doctor Gravity was kicking ass – their long polearms were ideal for the situation. They were painful, but won’t kill. They gave good reach, so they were covered. I saw Nightbitch tripping one of them before knocking him out with a stick to the face, and Doctor Gravity pummeling one into submission. Out of the corner of my eyes, Insectman was having the time of his life shocking another gang member, proving that his contraption works on the field – and it wasn’t his first time since the fight started.

One of them tried to run away, probably to call more people in, but I spotted him quickly, dropped my right baton for my right taser, and shot him a pair of probes in the back. He fell flat on the ground, convulsing as if having a fit. “Well done!” I heard the Colonel praising me – he was long done with the huge Bloods member wielding a pistol, and was beating back down a gang member who tried to get up again.

Back Home…

“What’s your name?” Demoness asked. She was no longer shaking, or as afraid. She had calmed down a bit.

“Oh… M-my name is Mandy Lizoo- Lizewski…” I said, my heart beating fast. I was sitting beside her, still holding her hand. It was tightening more and more. I was a little afraid. It was scared she might not let go. She looked familiar, and she looked dangerous.

“But are you sure that’s your name?” It was an odd question from this snow white girl – We’d just met, and yet she was acting as if she knew me very well.

“Yes!” I replied confidently, and I felt a bit stung. Why would she ask such a thing? Yet, when I thought about my name, it felt… weightless or shallow. It felt like it didn’t fit at all. Was I thinking too much? I had never thought about it this way before, and yet it was my name. Dave told me my name, “No… Yes.” I didn’t feel as confident anymore. But I didn’t want to lose to her.

I could feel her holding my hand tight. She was scaring me! I tried to pull my hand away, but it was too tight. “Let go of me!” I cried, and I pulled harder, but she was stronger than me. I tried to stand up, but she pulled me back down. I landed on my knees. It hurts! Demoness leaned forward, the rags I piled on top of her falling off, revealing her bare chest. I pulled, but I couldn’t get away.

“I need a favour from you, darling dear!” She snarled. I was crying. It seemed like she was going to hurt me, or do something to me. I felt her other hand around my throat, and she leaned in closer. I could see her red eyes so clearly. Her face got closer.

Then there was smoke. I smelt smoke coming in from behind me. It smelt like something was burning. There was a flash of yellow light, and it must have scared Demoness, because she fell back, and finally let go of me. Because I was pulling myself away from her hard, I fell on my bum, and had to crawl away from her. I crawled towards the yellow light and smoke, but the light went out quickly.

My hands felt weird, and when I looked at them, I saw that they were shaking, as if I was holding a knife. A familiar feeling went down my nose, nostrils and mouth. I was bleeding again.

Back Out…

Even when we’d beaten everyone into submission, it was difficult to secure them once and for all. There were so many of them, and only 7 of us, 3 of whom (namely Remembering Tommy and Marty) didn’t bring any restraining devices whatsoever. It took time to handcuff (Me, Nightbitch and Insectman had cuffs) or zip tie them all.

Every once in a while, one or two of them would try to get up and fight or run again. Nightbitch had to drive her heel down on one, which reminded me awkwardly of a dominatrix, before handcuffing him. Marty was consistently ramming back down gangsters. Remembering Tommy had to tackle a runner down before flooring him again. We ran out of handcuffs after 6 gangsters.

One guy took the opportunity to grab the pistol the huge Bloods member dropped and actually took aim at me and fired, but the Colonel drove his booted foot down on his arm quickly. He missed. “The next loser who tries anything funny… Eisenhower! At the ready!”

Colonel Stars and Stripe’s dog was a good crowd controller. We worked quickly to zip tie the rest. Somehow, the last guy we were supposed to zip tie did not get the hint, and took off as fast as he could for the stairs leading out. “Eisenhower, Schpunks!” The Colonel ordered without even looking as he was zip tying another gangster.

The last escapee wasn’t huge. Cue Eisenhower pouncing on him, and when he was down, the dog lunged at his privates. We didn’t have any problems after that.

Back Home…

When I turned to see what was making the yellow light, I saw him again, the knight in black armour. Smoke was coming off him, and I could see from around his mouth that he was burnt. I could smell cooked meat. Yet he was standing there. If I was burnt, I knew I would be crying and screaming and kicking, but he wasn’t even crying in pain.

As I looked at him, I saw his mouth opening and closing, like he was whispering something, saying something to me. But I couldn’t hear. I couldn’t hear anything he said at all. I felt the sudden need to hear what he had to say, but I couldn’t. I came up with the idea of reading his lips, but I couldn’t make anything out.

When I turned around in fear that Demoness might try to grab me again, I saw that she was suddenly gone, missing, as if she was never there in the first place. The rags I used to clean her were no longer red, and the rags I threw on top of her were all on the floor, in a pile.

I turned back around to see the knight in black armour again, but he was gone too. I was utterly confused – I wanted to hear him speak. I felt it suddenly so, so much, and I felt sad all of a sudden. What if I could never hear him speak again? I was utterly confused.

I went back up the wooden stairs, to the living room, as I wiped away the blood on my face. I felt very sad all of the sudden. It felt as if I had lost something, as if I had lost a lot, and yet I didn’t know what I’ve lost. I didn’t know what was missing.

Back Out…

The police arrived shortly after we were done, started taking over from us. We were commended for our efforts, and I felt like it was well deserved, considering that I was nearly shot again, and we were all bruised one way or the other. At least no one was really hurt – the merits of being in a superhero team were immediately obvious. Alone, we break easily and together we were unshakeable. If even Superman or the Green Lantern needs a Justice League, why not us?

All around, camera flashes and cheers were going off. Chances were, we’d already become a bigger hit than we were ever before within the minute. It seemed impossible, but it also means we were expanding our realm, going where no real life superheroes had gone before.

We pulled The Enforcer to the side. As it turns out, he was alive, but badly beaten. It reminded me of an idea me and Marty had – taking up First Aid training. Luckily for us, Colonel Stars and Stripes knew quite a bit about it. “Even the bad guys knew the value of first aid. I know a thing or two, both from instructors and… experience.” He said as he palpitated the Enforcer, his arms and legs, “God’s intervention indeed. No broken bones, not even a concussion. You’re a tough nut, buddy.”

We gained a new member instantly. He signed up on the spot.

Later…

“Good job.” The Colonel said to Doctor Gravity before the white atom took his leave. He’d decided that the team should be dismissed a little earlier due to the encounter with the Bloods and the Crips. It was a pragmatic decision – even I was a little shaken. It had been a long time since I’d walked up to such a large crowd – in fact, I’d never walked up to such a large crowd. It was due to my membership in Justice Forever that I wasn’t swimming with the fishes.

In the meantime, I was saying goodnight to Remembering Tommy, who were just coming up from the Subway, having volunteered to be our custodian and saw the Enforcer to the next train, giving him all the information a new member needs.

“Goodnight, Colonel.” I wished the leader of Justice Forever. I bowed a little unconsciously – I had that much respect for him. He certainly wasn’t a pushover in a real fight – he certainly knew his stuff. His resume wasn’t faked like Marty’s old one was, “Thanks for everything.”

“No, son, thank you.” He offered in return, his eyes straight into mine, intense. I could barely meet his gaze, that purposeful look you get from a man of vision. It was high-level stuff, “You showed us that every man could make a difference. Without Kick-Ass, none of us would be here.”

“That’s from the heart.” He admitted with the stars-end of his axe handle on his chest, as if taking an oath or pledge, “Don’t let it go to your head.” I smiled – by this time, nothing could. I was still on the lookout for them, to spot any mistakes they might make that I had made before.

When the Colonel was gone, there was only me and Nightbitch left outside the Subway station entrance. We decided to celebrate at the nearest public restroom, to consummate our mutual interest in each other. I just wish we didn’t have to leave our masks on.

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review · Mon Apr 13, 2015 5:42 pm

Hi Raven!

It's been a while since I have reviewed for you but I am back again to continue reading my way through this novel! Currently at the end of a chapter and only two more parts to go before I am all caught up! I am looking forward to that.

Now, my main complaint for this chapter is the way that you are describing the fight it makes it seem as if Dave is simply standing there and watching everything without doing anything himself until the moment he stops the escapee from running away. I don't get the sense that he is in the fight because you are continuously describing what everyone else is doing. What you need to do is show us what one person is doing, draw us into his fight, pull us out and show us what someone else is doing, and then have the baddie make another move so we are back to his fight. Then we get the impression that he is keeping an eye on the general situation but is still facing his own immediate problem as well. I doubt Dave would be spending the fight on the sidelines to begin with anyway ;)

And now I have some nitpicks for you! It seems like at random times you suddenly switch from past tense to present tense instead and that is the main problem I am seeing here in this chapter. So make sure when you are writing you keep an eye on that!

Nightbitch and Doctor Gravity was kicking ass – their long polearms were ideal for the situation. They were painful, but won’t kill.


You need a 'were' instead of that first 'was' to remind yourself that they area plural because there is two of them. And the 'won't' near the end there should be switched to past tense with a 'wouldn't'.

I landed on my knees. It hurts!


No need for the 's' at the end of 'hurt' so that it stays in past tense as well.

The police arrived shortly after we were done, started taking over from us.


What we have here is actually a comma splice. It means you have a comma in place of a conjunction or something else we need to make this sentence complete. For example I would put an 'and' instead of the comma to make this sentence complete.

That's all I have to say. I am not a master on fighting scenes, but everything I could see was in order. And now Demoness and Big Daddy are gone as well. I am curious to see what the fourteenth chapter holds.

Deanie x

User avatar
SpiritedWolfe
Review

Hey, Dark Raven!

I'll just jump right into the notes -

...them; a Crips in rapper style clothes, against the wall, pinning him there.


There are two things wrong with this one sentence. The first is this semicolon is used completely wrong. A semicolon is only used to connect two independent clauses which are closely related. But here, the second half could not stand alone and it's really odd why you'd put a semicolon there in the first place.

Second, I recommend just taking out the parts with the Crips, because it just takes from the flow of the sentence. It's just shoved in there to add some extra detail, but just a couple sentences before, Dave mentioned that it didn't matter who was who, so why bother point it out? Just keep it "...them against a wall..." It flows far better.

During this entire scene, Dave seems to be able to conveniently be able to commentate on what everyone else is doing, only occasionally turning to fight. Sure its useful to know what others are doing, but it doesn't make sense that he would just stand there and look at everyone. He's got to keep his head in the game or he may get stabbed in the back or something.

There was something mentioned about Insectman having a machine and it's doing well in this kind of situation, but I don't recall something like this being mentioned. Was it perhaps in the part two parts ago after the talk about fighting experience? I just don't remember it and its so briefly brushed over, I'm left wondering what this is. What's it doing? How is it helpful now in particular?

(Why is Mandy still having problems with her name? She's had it for a couple months now and she's already made so much progress. It just doesn't make sense why she'd regress now. Perhaps mentions something about how she felt really nervous around Demoness.)

This is totally random thing I thought about while reading this, but why is white atom not capitalized? Everyone else has to pleasure to be capitalized, so what's so weird about him? To be honest, we don't see very much of him. I don't even remember his origin story. He's just kind of there. Maybe include him more? Give us more of a reason to remember him. You can start by capitalizing his name.

Is there going to be some action between Nightbitch and Dave...? The ending made it seem like he really wanted to get to know her better... I'm a little frightened xD But in the good way. It's a nice ending.

I really loved the part of when Big Daddy came to the rescue! That part of her mind rejecting violence does seem to be causing the nose bleeds, but here it defended her from the evilness that is Demoness. Now, I wonder if she'll get the courage to tell Dave. Only time will tell.

Keep on Writing,
~Wolfare~

User avatar
Rin321
Review
Rin321 wrote a review · Sun Feb 22, 2015 11:37 pm

Hello again D4RKR4VEN! CHRISSY321 here with yet another review!
*Happy Review Day!* :D :D :D

Ok, now I really think this is interesting! I have not read your other chapter I do not think- so that fact that 99% of this made sense is just amazing! Yay! :) Good for you! I love it when writers done! (Though I usually do not randomly read the middle of books! ;) :P )

Okay, now for some of my favorite parts! :

" a Crips in rapper style clothes, against the wall, pinning him there. The Latino guy was stuck, his knife dangling uselessly by his side. The shield was huge enough to immobilize him, but Marty was stuck too, as he looked like he didn’t know what to do then. "

I love this part because there is just so much detail! Yay! My favorite part there is how his knife lay there, dangling uselessly! I am just a horror freak! So what I hear stuff, I think mostly severed limbs, dead thing- sorry if I am grossing you out! I just love the way you chose to pot ray that! Yay! *Applauds* :D

Ok, I do not think I saw any changes that needed to be fixed- so that is good! I love it when writers are able to write in detail, and are able to write with so minimal mistakes! Wish I could- I am a grammar problem! Haha! :D

Overall I just loved this story and I cannot wait to read more! Yay! I greatly encourage you to keep writing! :D :D :D ;)



One fish, two fish, red fish, aardvark.
— alliyah