Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.
Full Novel Synopsis: Sequel to 'The Spiralling', itself a sequel to the Kick-Ass (2010) movie. However, this novel can be read on its own. After Big Daddy died, Mindy was driven mad, subdued by Dave, and locked away in an Institute after killing all who she deemed responsible but Dave. Will she recover? What will happen next to a New York without her nor the Motherfucker? Elements of the Kick-Ass 2 (2013) movie and comic series will be taken in.
The Descent
Chapter 10: The Kiss Part 3
…
14 June 2011, Tuesday
Deer Dear Diary
It was really tough at school today. Mrs Davies is getting me to memorise a lot of words! She said it’s for my own good. She is also giving me extra homework. She wanted me to try to remember as many words as possible, or find more from dikcionaries. What did I do wrong? I can’t imagine that I’m that good before the bus accident.
Dave was quiet at lunchtime today. Even Marty and Todd didn’t know what happened to him. I’m worried about him. I wish he’d just talk to me. He’s been out a lot at night. When I touched his arm, he shouted at me. It made me upset but he said he was sorry, so it wasn’t that bad.
I was extoted again by the two big boys today. The lunchroom people told me that I should report it. Pete told me I should bring my own lunch. I haven’t talked to Dave about it yet.
When we came back home today, daddy gave me a present. It was a bicycle and its light blue in colour. I like it. It was small enough for me, unlike Dave’s bicycle. It had training wheels on –people are going to laugh at me!
Dave decided to teach me how to cycle. He said that I used to know how to cycle, that ‘big daddy must have taught me before’. But I kept falling down! I’m lucky Dave gave me his old helmet and guards.
Anyway, I finally told Dave about the bullies in school. He didn’t go out at night today. He got mad, and he said that ‘he’ll deal with it’. Also, he told me not to go down to the basement. He said it’s dirty and dangerous.
Dad said that I could try it, so I’ve started praying before going to bed. I saw God’s face again, and this time, I even saw what he was wearing. He was wearing a brown jacket and shirt. When I asked Dad about it, he said that it was puzzling, because God usually wears white.
My head hurts. The homework Mrs Davies gave me was tough. It’s hard to remember all those words. I’m going to bed, so goodnight Diary!
…
15 June, 2011, Wendsday Wednesday
Dear Diary,
Mrs Davies saw my homework. She seemed worried about me. When she asked me where I took my words from, I told her that I just remembered them. I don’t even know what some of them mean!
Like kalashnikov (maybe a name?), stryker (an animal?), holster (not sure), greaves (being sad?), condition red (an illness?), tec-9 (NO IDEA) and bouncer (I heard that it’s a very big man. Pete said so but I cant help but to feel its something else). They must have come from before my accident.
I didn’t do very well in social studies. When Mr Cole was talking about the law and things like that, I told him that they’re not perfect, and bad people could escape easily, especially when the bad people and good people were friends. He scolded me! Maybe I’m wrong. I apologised after the class was over.
Dave said he’d stop the bullies and he did! I met the meanies at the place they want me to be at, and then Dave walked up to them and warned them. I wish he didn’t have to fight them though, poor Dave! He got punched in the mouth, and he started punching back. I wanted to help, but I can’t stop shivering! I guess Dave’s right. I’m just a girl and I’m 11 years old. How could I help?
We had to see the principle though, but she was kind to us. She believed Dave and me, and said that the bullies would get into so much trouble. Dave was taking a video of the bullies taking my money! I’m lucky to have such a smart, brave brother. I love him so much!!! I just wish he’d talk to me more, like in last week. He went out at night again after he took me out to jog.
I’m having a headache again, I don’t know why. Goodnight, diary!
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello, Dark Raven!
Interesting to just see Mandy's diary this part. It seems interesting that it cuts right in the middle of all the action about Dave beating the guys up. It just feels like that would be better as a separate chapter than this, since the topics are so vastly different and the focus even switches.
Just a little thing I picked up in the part -
It is clever to show in her diary entries that she doesn't really know many words and she can't spell them correctly all the time (even going back to deer vs. dear) but I'm not really sure what she was going for her. The spelling is either too vague or its an unfamiliar word. It really puzzles me... do I apparently have a worse vocabulary than an underdeveloped eleven year old?
Alright, so this still also confuses me. Dave seems to slip so often when talking with Mandy. In the diary entry, Mandy documented that he said, 'Big Daddy should have taught you.' However, it seems like he's thinking too much about her and her memories coming back that it seems strange he'd let it slip. Don't the doctors words mean anything to him? Obviously, he doesn't want another Demoness accident.
So, suddenly Mandy mentioned not going into the basement. First off, I thought it was the attic...? Second off, I know that Mandy isn't a very good writer and she isn't writing for others to understand, but perhaps she would mention some context. Why would Dave suddenly tell her not to go into the basement? She must have asked something, because that's basically handing someone a glass of water and saying, "Don't drink." when they are extremely thirsty. She's bound to get more suspicious.
I am quite curious as to why Mandy keeps recording her head hurting? This isn't really an issue, but I like to think aloud to you. I'm assuming here that perhaps its her memories still trying to fight their way back up and be known to Mandy again. The Mindy inside her obviously doesn't like being bottled up and attempted to be forgotten.
Final thing that just occurred to me, why in the world are high school students and elementary school students eating lunch in the same room at the same time? That's just asking for disaster. Since older kids are usually more rough, I'd think that the staff at the school, even the principal would deem it unsafe to have vulnerable little kids eating in the same place as teens. Like what if a high school guy just started wailing on another. Or even a little kid? It could happen.
That's all I have for this. Another interesting chapter! Keep on Writing,
~Wolfare~
Hey Raven,
Of course it would worry the teacher. Is the teacher going to tell Dave and worry him about Mandy even more? If I a child in my class was churning out words such as these, I would be alerting the parents too...
Again, this is going to be a short review due to me not finding much wrong with this at all. Going on solely Mandy's voice now, huh? It's interesting to see things from her viewpoint although sometimes it does get a bit dull. Within reason though - she's got a limited amount of vocabulary and not the best writing skills. You've got to stay in character for that bit. But what I mean is, I really wish I could've seen the bully scene from her viewpoint. Perhaps not Dave's, but then also her diary made it a lot more dull than it should be. Also the shivering... she just brushes it off, but it must've felt real while it happened. So maybe convert the last diary entry into an actual action? Or perhaps you prefer it this way. I just feel it could use a bit of spicing up.
Nice touch with the random vocabulary there
Other than that, fantastic chapter. It just keeps getting better ^^
Deanie x
I have no idea what this is from, and I haven't read any of the other chapters, but I like this chapter. You have real good tone and voice. I could tell how old the girl was before you said it, and there is an obvious mood to the piece. You also are very good at making it sound exactly how someone of that age would write in a diary. The only thing that bugs me is that you didn't capitalize Daddy, and that you switched from using Daddy to Dad. Daddy would match the personality of the girl a little more. I especially love how how you reveal a little about the accident through the weird words the girl could remember. Keep up the good work!
Short but sweet review. There's a lot of feedback you gave that I could use. Thanks!