I didn't have the dough to buy them,
but when I did, they suffered from Post
Traumatic Bake Disorder...
I was feeling crummy, then I saw them,
so gleaming and inviting they lured me in.
Love at first sight hit me when I laid eyes
on that cookie jar.
Trembling in excitement I took a handful
of those chocolate filled devils.
Love at first bite was such a delight.
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138,704 Literary Works • 672,249 Reviews
Hello! KatyaElefant here to review! Happy almost end of Review Day! Let's see what we got!
Me like!
Yesh! COOOKIES!
"I didn't have the dough to buy them,"
Oh my gosh! The cookie jokes are amazing!
"but when I did, they suffered from Post
Traumatic Bake Disorder..."
What is this disorder... Can you explain?
"I was feeling crummy, then I saw them,"
Hee hee. The cookie jokes...
"so gleaming and inviting they lured me in."
Cookies can gleam? 0_0 Those are some weird cookies that you have there. Gleaming cookies are inviting?
"Love at first sight hit me when I laid eyes
on that cookie jar. "
I actually never had a cookie jar. When we had cookies in the house, they were gone.
"Trembling in excitement I took a handful
of those chocolate filled devils."
I like the way you used devils here because cookies are sooo unhealthy but they are sooo good! Good job with that!
"Love at first bite was such a delight."
This is by far my favorite line in the piece. Great job!
This poem is perfect for you! I mean ChipsMcCoy! Yeah! You did a great job with this piece! I surely enjoyed it! Every single phrase is so magical! I just love love your piece! I make cookies all the time and they just get eaten up so quickly. I am a baker myself. I cannot criticize your piece because I love cookie so much. There you go! A true cookie lover! Anyways, great job! Have a happy review day! Keep writing!
This will be a short review for a short poem, but it didn't need anything else. It was perfect. I love poems that look not at the deep parts of life, but focus more on the little things. Those little cravings that we love. Taking them, and twisting something as simple and silly as a cookie, and making a priceless poem that we can all enjoy.
Technically, the second part, after "inviting" should either have a comma or a period. Its really its own idea. But since this is poetry, and its really just free-style, I am going to say that this was a stylistic nitpick.
That line seemed forced, and didn't really roll of the tongue like all of the other lines did. Perhaps, It was love at first sight when I laid eyes? Just a suggestion.
My only nitpicks with this. Everyone else stole all of the fire I would have given this. The praise I could have said would only seem redundant and kind of deflated. The word "crummy" comes to mind. hee-hee. But nevertheless, I will say it anyway.
This was a very original idea, and you brought it far with only ten lines. Many people might say that this was too short, but I don't think so. Just long enough to bring your amazing idea across to the reader, and let them sort it out. Give them all of these amazing words that you morphed into a cookies way of thinking. Love at first bite, dough, Post Traumatic Bake Disorder, feeling crummy--so amazing.
I would love to ramble on for a while, but it would all boil down to one thing in the end. You have amazing talent. I hope you bring it far.
~Darth Timmyjake
Hey, yo, ChipsMcCoy! Strange here on this fantastic Review Day and I have a review for you!
Well, I have to say this, even though you only have three poems, you are hilarious (Except for the non comedy one). I love this poem due to the fact it parallels real life, somewhat. This isn't going to be a long review because I'm not that sure on what to say. This is really clever and funny. Showing the love between a man/woman and their cookies. Who doesn't love cookies? It does, unfortunately, parallel real life. What do I mean by that? Well, this could be drugs, alcohol, anything really. Heck, the person here might want to go on a diet, to get healthy, as most of us do. Is it weird that I put too much thought into poems? Like, seriously? I'm taking this too serious, but it was a hilarious humor poem. When you first told me, I was laughing pretty hard. You do have a talent for humor, and hopefully, you'll do more humor poems.
What was my favorite part?
I just found that hilarious.
Overall, great and funny job.
Strange gives you..
9.1/10
Great job,
Keep writing,
Stay groovy, my friend.
#TheFaultInOurReviews
Haha thanks strange, radical review
This is such a cute and fun poem. And almost everyone will be able to relate which means your writing is really good to because I mean who doesn't love cookies? My favorite line is "but when I did, they suffered from Post Traumatic Bake Disorder." It was so funny. And you were able to use punctuation which can be very key in poems. I am really looking forward to seeing your other pieces.
Keep up the fun and creative writing!
-Roxie Rain
Howdy partner! overall good job! i liked all the puns and humor, very smart and clever. i like that it was something so simple and just based off of someones feelings. i would have liked to seen more to extend how funny it really is. however i liked how it was a very different structure then other poems ive seen, it made it flow better and feel more like a story. good job!
Hi! It's Em101cats here to review because I love cookies!
Okay, that's not the only reason I came to review. I just love cookies.
Anyways, I didn't see any mistakes, and if I missed any, others may have or can point them out for you. Now I want to list my favorite parts.
COOKIE JOKE
ANOTHER COOKIE JOKE YAY
So those were my favorite parts. Sorry about the short review but I have to run!
Keep up the great writing!!!
~Em101cats~
Hello there!
Overall, though, great job with your humor and writing!
This made me smile. It's cute and funny, and I loved all the puns. The dough to buy them, feeling crummy... not to mention Post Traumatic Bake Disorder. XD That made me laugh. I love how lighthearted it is. The only thing I can really say is that I agree with BlookinkSeesFootage in that it could have been longer. The ending seems a little abrupt. I think you could have gone on to describe the delight of eating the cookies. Your last line makes it sound like it's going to continue, but it doesn't, which is said.
Keep up the good work!
Thanks for the review.
You wrote a work!
Yayayayaya! *hugs*
'Post
Traumatic Bake Disorder...'
You are just a genius! This must have been the poem you told me about waking up to write. I really think you come up with such great ideas; and although they happen periodically, they are worth waiting for.
Good Points
1. Length
2. Topic
3. Use of punctuation and things.
4. It's funny
Improvement Points
1. Keep writing more.
2. Make it longer to extend the comedy???
Stay trendy
~BSF (Red)
Thanks for the review, Red
Anytime, Chips.