The earth is dying
and we do not notice it
because we are too immersed
in our own worlds;
planting our own seeds,
watering our own soils
to care for our provider
who also needs nourishment.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey, Godly here for a review and happy review day!
First of all I really enjoyed this small poem of yours! The message was important, it didn't waver, it flowed well and overall I really enjoyed it. But what was the best bid? you ask. Well my friend I will tell you in this happy review of mine!
OK first things first - the title. What I love about the title us the idea that you grab the reader right off the bat with an intriguing idea that makes the reader question what you truly mean by leaving earth. Who wants to leave Earth, it's our home! Well my friend, you help to show the problem in your piece where you strongly emphasise this point without mercy. I love the fact that you show that emphasise the point that whilst we try to help the environment we are not truly fixing it as we do not let it work with its own thing.
Another awesome part of this poem is the use of we. This way you do not only include every reader who has to consider it. But you make your point more personal as you blame yourself as well as others. By taking the blame you show to the world that it isn't one person or a group of people, it is all of us - no matter how much we want to deny it. This way you push your point across with ease making your poem memorable and effective.
Finally I love how the poem flows. You take the classically jumbled free verse and make it your own. The poem flows without rhyming or rhythm. No scheme is in place yet the reader seems to slide through the lines seamlessly - the work of a goof poet. I have noticed in your pices that you do enjoy using free verse which has helped you create your own amazing style!
I don't really see any improvements as of now so I'm just goin to say that overall this poem is one of my favourites and it is absolutely amazing.
Keep writing,
All the best,
Godly
Hello ChipsMcCoy,
So I just wanted to state first that I enjoyed this little poem you got here before anything else. I love the fact that though it's so short it's able to express a well thought out opinion. Now for issues to fix, I will guess that seeds and soil are both metaphors because if not than they kinda go against the last line. But other than that I found this poem without fault. I may not be a professional at this stuff, but I really did enjoy this poem and hope you keep on writing more great stuff like this.
Keep on writing,
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