Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Narrative


Daring to take up space

by ChipsMcCoy


Summer kissed Spring, 
burning and melting her floral heart
all at once.

Autumn kissed Summer
and blew the sunshine off her face
as she disappeared into dust. 

Winter kissed Autumn
freezing his golden skin 
as he fell deeper and deeper
into the ground. 

Then spring came. 
She renewed her strength
and grew new beginnings
through Winter's icicles and frost
bites. 


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



Random avatar

Points: 234
Reviews: 39

Donate
Tue Apr 16, 2019 12:40 am
View Likes
brookeallo wrote a review...



I liked this poem a lot. I especially liked the imagery and truth behind it. I liked how simple but elegant it was and the flow and rhythm went so well. I also liked how you used the four seasons and there descriptions. If anything I wish I could have connected with it just a little more but other than that it was really good and I hope to see more poetry like this soon. Thank you so much for writing. :)




User avatar
114 Reviews


Points: 7140
Reviews: 114

Donate
Sun Apr 14, 2019 5:14 am
View Likes
FabihaNeera wrote a review...



Hello,

This is a well-written poem! I love the imagery and how you brought each of the four seasons to life. The metaphors were really effective as well. It was formed as a sort of cycle from each month, and I really like how you ended off with "spring" to express the analogy where spring, everything becomes revived and new again and everything just grows back. So, all in all, I thought this was very nicely written!

The only thing I didn't really understand was the title... but other than that, I didn't really find any errors in the stanzas themselves. So, great job!




User avatar
17 Reviews


Points: 762
Reviews: 17

Donate
Sat Apr 13, 2019 11:08 pm
View Likes
starchaser wrote a review...



Hello! I really like this poem!

1.
"burning and melting her floral heart
all at once." When something burns, it melts at some point. That's why I'm not too much of a fan of this line.

2.
"Then spring came." Spring, in this case, should be capitalized.

3.
"through Winter's icicles and frost
bites." The word "frost bites" should be one word ("frostbites"). Also, I think it should be formatted like this:

"through Winter's icicles
and frostbites"

Other than those, I couldn't find much wrong with your poem! Great work!





The only person I know for certain I am better than is the person I used to be.
— CandyWizard