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The price!

by BhavyaMehta123


Everything in life comes with a price. Failure, success, happiness and love all have their prices. Sometimes the price is heavy. It is not just the sacrifices, compromises, the time, effort and the heart you put into such things. It is sometimes about loss and gain. 

I realized this a month back when my long lost friend told me this over a phone call. We had a chit-chat almost after a year. I was so happy talking to him after so long.  And then suddenly he said," Bhavya, you have changed." My instant reaction was,"Why do you think so?" And then he started an old tale of the 15 year old I was: strong, confident and unstoppable. I cried out loud and my heart ached. As he ended the call, he told me, " You have a magic and you will get it back when it is time.Trust me!" 

And thus I got caught up in a bait of finding that magic. Whole month of July I had just one goal to get my magic back. I kept on hustling and suddenly racing I realized : Is this how magic comes back? or is this how I built my own magical empire? The instant answer was 'no'. This is not how I worked. Why do I force myself to be someone else? To be someone from past?.

On 17 July 2020, I realized that in the process of finding that magic back, that Bhavya back I don't have to be crazy. I just have to keep that much patience alive. If that Bhavya is bound to be back she will, or there will be something  worthwhile. 

But I realized that good, unhappy, sad times- all come with a price. In an illusion, of weighing the situations just as they appear on the surface we just overlook everything else. I saw exponential growth in life but with a price . We all have and will keep paying some price. Believing in the higher calling and just realizing our blessings is all we can do to make our world flowery again.


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22 Reviews


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Mon Jul 27, 2020 5:19 pm
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deleted18 says...



Hello there, dear author!

Let me preface this by saying that I enjoy the libertine, borderline free-form style of this piece. Were I to catalog it I'd put it in the 'narrated lyrical opus' or maybe a 'drabble,' albeit a longer one that has a very spoken-word form. Anyhow, without getting lost in useless determinism, let's proceed.

I would advise you to look into your phrasing. From the get-go, the first three sentences contain the word 'price.' Whilst one could consider it a stylistic approach to defining a focus point, I find repetitions of the sort a little bothersome. Consider not repeating yourself so much. (but don't sweat it and find 50 synonyms for the most mundane of words.)

Another note I have in the same, technical vein, would be the grammar, spelling and punctuation. Mind your articles ('a' and 'the' as well as when not to use them - the 'no' article) and word order, it can be really jarring to read at times ('We had a chit-chat almost after a year' - after almost a year). It's not much, but it's enough to put some people off, so best not have that happen.

To get onto the message, I enjoyed the concept, although I feel it wasn't explored properly. The focus appears to be the cost of every action and change, but the mid-point is marked by that story. What exactly is the relationship between the two? All I can gather is that evolution came at the price of losing that glimmer of innocence of your 15 year old self, but the aphorisms on the side served to distract me from that very message. Try being a little more explicit or consistent with the portrayal.

To sum it all up, it is a great piece with a powerful message, but its portrayal leaves a lot to be desired. With a clearer, proper take, this short drabble could really find its shine.

I hope that this review wasn't too harsh, and I wish you all the best in your future writing endeavours!




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22 Reviews


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Mon Jul 27, 2020 5:19 pm
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deleted18 wrote a review...



Hello there, dear author!

Let me preface this by saying that I enjoy the libertine, borderline free-form style of this piece. Were I to catalog it I'd put it in the 'narrated lyrical opus' or maybe a 'drabble,' albeit a longer one that has a very spoken-word form. Anyhow, without getting lost in useless determinism, let's proceed.

I would advise you to look into your phrasing. From the get-go, the first three sentences contain the word 'price.' Whilst one could consider it a stylistic approach to defining a focus point, I find repetitions of the sort a little bothersome. Consider not repeating yourself so much. (but don't sweat it and find 50 synonyms for the most mundane of words.)

Another note I have in the same, technical vein, would be the grammar, spelling and punctuation. Mind your articles ('a' and 'the' as well as when not to use them - the 'no' article) and word order, it can be really jarring to read at times ('We had a chit-chat almost after a year' - after almost a year). It's not much, but it's enough to put some people off, so best not have that happen.

To get onto the message, I enjoyed the concept, although I feel it wasn't explored properly. The focus appears to be the cost of every action and change, but the mid-point is marked by that story. What exactly is the relationship between the two? All I can gather is that evolution came at the price of losing that glimmer of innocence of your 15 year old self, but the aphorisms on the side served to distract me from that very message. Try being a little more explicit or consistent with the portrayal.

To sum it all up, it is a great piece with a powerful message, but its portrayal leaves a lot to be desired. With a clearer, proper take, this short drabble could really find its shine.

I hope that this review wasn't too harsh, and I wish you all the best in your future writing endeavours!






Hello dear reader! It wasn't harsh at all. Thank you for the review. It helped me a lot. So, thank you!



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Sun Jul 26, 2020 8:40 pm
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JesseWrites wrote a review...



Hello,

I'm unsure what to really consider this on the literary spectrum, but I do see a theme and a topic it follows, which is all that matters normally. So, let's get into the review now. I'll go in and mention every little thing I see, so there will be some nitpicks throughout.

Everything in life comes with a price. Failure, success, happiness and love all have their prices. Sometimes the price is heavy. It is not just the sacrifices, compromises, the time, effort and the heart you put into such things. It is sometimes about loss and gain. All of this is a good intro, but I don' think it's the best for something like this. It almost drags out the beginning, which isn't good.

I realized this a month back when my long lost friend told me this over a phone call. We had a cht-chat almost after a year. I was so happy talking to him after so long. And then suddenly he said," Bhavya, you have changed." My instant reaction was,"Why do you think so?" And then he started an old tale of the 15 year old I was: strong, confident and unstoppable. I cried out loud and my heart ached. As he ended the call, he told me, " You have a magic and you will get it back when it is time.Trust me!" The 'a' isn't exactly needed and can be taken off.

And thus I got caught up in a bait of finding that magic. Whole month of July I had just one goal to get my magic back. I kept on hustling and suddenly racing I realized : Is this how magic comes back? or is this how I built my own magical empire? The instant answer was 'no'. This is not how I worked. Why do I force myself to be someone else? To be someone from past?.

On 17 July 2020, I realized that in the process of finding that magic back, that Bhavya back I don't have to be crazy. I just have to keep that much patience alive. If that Bhavya is bound to be back she will, or there will be something worthwhile. No need for the bold word as it doesn't really make sense there.

But I realized that good, unhappy, sad times- all come with a price. In an illusion, of weighing the situations just as they appear on the surface we just overlook everything else. I saw exponential growth in life but with a price . We all have and will keep paying some price. Believing in the higher calling and just realizing our blessings is all we can do to make our world flowery again. Again, that doesn't really fit with the other usage of language, but it sort of works.


That's about all, but please ask about anything confusing.

Have a good day,
Haley.






Thank you for the review. I will get to editing soon.It was a great help as well.



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Sun Jul 26, 2020 8:34 pm
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Stormblessed242 wrote a review...



Hello, Stormblessed here!
This was a very honest little piece! You reflect your emotions well and deliver a great message. There are a few corrections I would make, so here they are:

We had a cht-chat almost after a year.

That sentence needs a few corrections. I'll rewrite it for you.
We had a chit-chat after almost a year


Whole month of July I had just one goal to get my magic back.

Again, let me rewrite this for you.
For the whole month of July I had just one goal: to get my magic back.


This is not how I worked. Why do I force myself to be someone else? To be someone from past?.

The first sentence is a little unclear. The main problem with it is that you switch between verb tenses. You say "is," (which implies that its happening now) and then you say "worked"(which implies that it happened in the past. Are you talking about the past you? If so, maybe try a different way, like "this was not who I had been."
Also, you have a period after the second question mark that shouldn't be there.

When you write 17 July 2020, it should be July 17, 2020.

But I realized that good, unhappy, sad times- all come with a price.


Quick rewrite: "But I realized that good, unhappy, and sad times, they all come with a price."

"In an illusion," should be "it's an illusion,"

Other that these, this was great! You expressed your emotions and made your point well. I can't wait to read what you write next!

Hope.this helped!
Stormblessed242






Thank you so much! It was a great help. I am glad you liked it. I will get to editing soon.




To be absolutely certain about something, one must know everything or nothing about it.
— Olin Miller