• Home

Young Writers Society

E - Everyone


by BhavyaMehta123

This is the first time I ever write something in a poetic way. Not very sure but yes, as a platform here I am thankful!!! And especially to learn to grow. Do give your views , reviews and constructive criticism always welcomed!!!

Criticism is not vain,

It doesn't mean that you failed.

It  just means that maybe... definitely you should try again,

And it makes you stronger.

But, but... Draw the line let no one pull you or your respect down,

And understand it shouldn't let you drown.

~keep hustling

Is this a review?



User avatar
48 Reviews

Points: 61
Reviews: 48

Wed May 12, 2021 3:55 pm
View Likes
sunlightwarriorxo wrote a review...

Sunlight Warrior here with a review! What an intriguing poem you have written here! The conflicting narrative that you have employed is very effective - you encapture the narrator contemplating in a very relatable manner, therefore making it something that we as the audience can relate with. My favourite line is "Draw the line" - you provide themes of acceptance, adaptation and adjustment, something which is hardwired within our natural nature. All of us are humans who have flaws, and we're designed to learn and grow as each day passes. In terms of elaboration maybe you could add:

Criticism is not vain,
Don't let your mind cause you pain,
It doesn't mean that you failed.
It just means that maybe... definitely you should try again,
Each day is a new chance to rediscover your name,
But, but... Draw the line let no one pull you or your respect down,
And understand it shouldn't let you drown,
We're given one chance to make ourselves known,
Why let it all go?
Where you can be the person centre stage on the show?

Well done and please keep writing!

BhavyaMehta123 says...

Thank you so much :D. Loved your elaboration.

User avatar
212 Reviews

Points: 100
Reviews: 212

Tue May 11, 2021 10:02 pm
View Likes
weathervane wrote a review...

Hello there!

I think most of my comments will focus on the same area, so I'll just go right into it~

It just means that maybe... definitely you should try again,

I see there's a conflicting thought happening here. The narrator isn't sure of something, so they show that through the jumping from "maybe" to the more definite idea of "definitely." I think that's a cool thing to play around with in poetry because of the effect it can create, but it takes a lot of practice to perfect that style, in my opinion.

The usage of ellipsis doesn't really work for me here. An ellipsis is known as a "suspension point" because the phrase before it can be understood without context and because it is often used to indicate a mysterious atmosphere. Both of those don't really fit this poem.

Here is another way you could format that:
It just means that maybe definitely you should try again

If you aren't a fan of the strike-through here, I would completely understand why. I do suggest playing around with formatting and getting creative here though, because the formatting choices currently aren't helping your poem's first impressions.

I could also say the same about:
But, but... Draw the line let no one pull you or your respect down,

I think I went over my thoughts on the overuse of ellipsis in poetry and their correct usages, so I'll skip over that. I do just want to say that if you use an ellipsis in any kind of writing, you don't have to capitalize what follows it; think of commas and semicolons.

The word choice of "let no one pull you or your respect down" is too much of a drag-on for my taste as well, so I'd suggest wrapping that up in a shorter way. "Let no one pull you down" refers to respect as that is a part of the "you" in question here, so it's a little repetitive to have both in the same sentence, or even in the same general area.

And understand it shouldn't let you drown.

I really like this line because it's relatable. I've been in situations before where criticism I've received was too much for me to handle and understand, and I let myself drown in it. I think a lot of writers have faced that same thing too, so they might feel the same way.

I do think that would be a better place to end on instead of "keep hustling," though.

Ah I really enjoyed this ~ cheers!

BhavyaMehta123 says...

Thank you for investing in so much time effort and most importantly for your valuable advice.

User avatar
17 Reviews

Points: 948
Reviews: 17

Tue May 11, 2021 9:15 pm
View Likes
slubbs24 wrote a review...

This was a fabulous first poem haha! I have also never written anything I consider poetic.

I love that you wrote about criticism!
The word you used were perfect!

“And it makes you stronger.”
I liked how you notice that with criticism it builds up your knowledge!
I absolutely agree with this line, I have learned so much with being criticized, and am still learning many things from criticism.

“And understand it shouldn’t let you drown.”
This was an awesome way to end your poem, I love the word drown and how you used it.

Nothing was bad about this poem it might need some smoothing here and there but overall it was a powerful poem.


BhavyaMehta123 says...

Thank you for being so encouraging!:D

User avatar
23 Reviews

Points: 44
Reviews: 23

Tue May 11, 2021 8:52 pm
View Likes
PhoenixEmberly wrote a review...

Criticism is absolutely key! It's a lovely response to a work, because, contrary to popular belief, it isn't just about talking about the faults of a work. Rather, it focuses on the positives and hints at how one can turn their weaknesses into strength! And to accept criticism is a wonderful thing. As you said as well, a line needs to be drawn. Some critiques are made in good faith. Others, not so much. Sifting through and determining which is which is vital to improving as an artist in any craft.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
— Mark Twain