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A Poem

by Bullet

Word word word word
word word word
word word word word word
word word.

Word word word word word
sentence that is supposed to be philisophical.
Word word
word word word.

Am I a poet yet?

Word, word word,
word word word word,
word word word

And that is how you write
a poem.

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178 Reviews

Points: 852
Reviews: 178

Tue Feb 19, 2013 4:23 pm
Paracosm wrote a review...

Hey Alex!

I couldn't quite tell if this was supposed to be angry or humorous. I suppose that's up to the reader. When I read this poem, I skipped over all the 'words' and read the lines that had substance. I felt that all of the 'words' were a bit frivolous. I think with a bit more effort, you could have a nice humorous/angsty and expressive poem. My biggest suggestion would to make the feeling behind the poem more clear.

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67 Reviews

Points: 593
Reviews: 67

Tue Feb 19, 2013 12:51 am
PandaRawr says...

I think this is pure genius. It definitely makes me want to look back at all of my poetry. It's different that's for sure. I like it. There's not much more I can think to say, and that makes me feel incredibly inferior to your other comments, but it is what it is. Keep writing

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1314 Reviews

Points: 23411
Reviews: 1314

Mon Feb 18, 2013 2:24 am
Hannah wrote a review...

Whoo, alrighty then. Seems like there's some frustration here.
The first thing I did that made me feel good about this effort was read the number of words and realize that even in this shirking of meaning you paid attention to the rhythm of the poem. It's especially clear in the fourth stanza where you try to break up the rhythm with commas. So that stops me from dismissing this as a halfway-thought-through attempt at experimental poetry. You're trying.

So think carefully about these things. For one, what was interesting to me was that word is a word that takes up a lot of space but only one syllable. Syllables are really what rhythm is based on, so the poem starts to ring false when you realize at "Am I a poet yet?" that this line takes up more syllables than any of the word lines, but a similar amount of space. To write that line in word-ness, you'd need to say:

word word word word word word?

And none of your other lines have six sets of that word. So here we see the strangeness of syllable versus word, of how words can contract or expand based on maybe the letters contained within.

That brings us to the main pivoting point of the poem:

sentence that is supposed to be philisophical.

1. *philosophical

Don't cheapen your message with spelling errors.

2. Look at how this juts out from all your other lines. Sure, in whatever real poem this might be, it would be able to rest on one line, but the placement and length of this line shatters any flow you had going with being conscious of rhythm. Never mind the fact that this is written in my least favorite tone in the world (but that's entirely personal!) -- so if you're not going for some disparaging sarcasm here, dismissive of poets efforts, like they think they're being deep and they're not, you should consider rewriting. I'd consider at least breaking it up, even if you don't change it.

As for the end, it's very odd. It's weak. We get the point without you having to spell it out for us. Plus, beginning in the experimental language of "word" and yet ending in normal English makes me feel like you didn't commit to your message. I want consistent bookends.

PM me if you have any questions.

Good luck and keep writing!

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662 Reviews

Points: 52441
Reviews: 662

Mon Feb 18, 2013 12:50 am
dogs wrote a review...

Hello there Alex! I still, as always, love your username :3. Anywho Dogs here with your review. Ok, you're walking a fine line in writing this piece. I like the idea of it, I think it could have a lot of potential with the "word word word," you can even make a link back to Hamlet as he said this famous line in the play 'Hamlet.' Although, I think where you really get into trouble is with the question: what's the point of this poem? What message are you trying to get across to the reader, it's the challenge in writing these seemingly simple poems, it also makes them potentially brilliant.

Although, what is the point that you're trying to make? Let's look at the only lines that you aren't "word" and "sentence that is supposed to be philisophical." (Which should be spelled philosophical) You say: "Am I a poet yet?.../ And that is how you write/ a poem" when I read this outside of the word word lines, it just reads off as a jab at poets and poetry about how easy it is to write them. Which is ironic because you don't include any of the necessary aspects to creating an excellent poem in this piece. Of course, that might be the point you're trying to make about the irony of people and passing off things as stupid and easy when they don't put much of any coherent effort into it.

I think you should mix this poem up, and make it a jab at conformity. Those poems always have great potential as a topic, try to morph this into how this is just like any other poem that people write, and how that irks you so. I think you need to add some more subject matter in here, i think the "word word word" is an excellent starting point and contains a lot of potential for an amazing poem, but you got some polishing to do. Let me know if you ever need a review. Keep up the good work!

TuckEr EllsworTh :smt032

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing.
— Oscar Wilde