I was a rock. I was a smooth gray pebble lying on the roadside, watching the traffic pass by me. A horse trod past me lazily, the cart it was pulling was kicking up dirt; the dust settled over me, covering me in the fine brown powder.
‘Tasia’ I heard my father calling my name.
‘I can’t come right now, Father,’ I replied, ‘I am lying in the road, watching a horse as he goes by.’
‘Tasia, honey?’ Father called again.
‘Yes Father?’
‘Tasia, get up dear.’
‘I can’t Father. I’m a pebble.’
‘Tasia…’
‘I’ll come as soon as I can Father.’
“Tasia! Wake up!”
I sat upright on my cot, hitting my head off of the low ceiling above me. I groaned and fell back onto my blankets, holding my head in my hands.
“Tasia!”
“I’m awake Father,” I grumbled.
I stiffly sat up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. The orange glow of sunrise was spilling in through the windows
over the sink.
Oh shoot. I must’ve overslept…probably because I was a lazy pebble…where did that even come from? A pebble, I
snorted, of all the things I could’ve been in my dream, I chose a pebble.
I quickly pulled the comb through my long blond hair; jerking the knots out with a deft flick of my wrist. Soon my hair was pulled back into a sloppy pony tail and my comb was lying on the floor, full of the knots from my hair.
“Tasia,” Father said warningly.
I scoffed. “You fall back asleep one time and he never lets you live it down.”
“You are coming?”
“Yes sir.” I pulled my shirt off and threw it from the loft.
I opened the chest sitting at the foot of my cot and retrieved a fresh cotton shirt. A moment later it was donned and I was three rungs down the ladder. I was about to jump the rest of the way down, when a thought crossed my mind.
If I want Father to treat me like an adult, I need to act like one. No more fits.
I climbed back into my loft and quickly smoothed my rough wool blanket down over my cot. I righted the shard of mirror that Kyan salvaged for me and caught a glimpse at my already disheveled appearance. I couldn’t completely correct it, my clothes were hand-me-downs from Kyan and were far too big for me, but I could help; I quickly tucked the bottom of my shirt into my pants.
"Tasia.'
“Yes Father.” I climbed halfway down the ladder.
“Don’t--”
I landed on the kitchen floor.
“Don’t what?” I asked, as I stood.
He sighed. “Jump.”
“Oh.” I crumpled my shirt into a ball and tossed it in the laundry crate in the corner.
I walked to Father’s bedside and helped him sit up. Slowly, using a mixture of the strength in his arms and my support, he managed to move himself into his chair. I quickly retrieved his Bible from its shelf and handed it to him.
“Thank you dear… Is your shirt tucked in?”
I grinned triumphantly, “Yes sir.”
“Why?”
“Why? Well…‘cause I’m a big girl. That’s what we do.”
Father sighed. “Oh dear…dear Tasia…”
“I made my bed too, Father,” I said smugly, certain that he’d be impressed with me.
He sighed again. “Tasia, dear, there is far more to being an adult than tucking in your shirt and making your bed.”
“But, I…well what do I have to do?” I asked sadly.
Father rubbed his face, brushing a strand of his gray hair behind his ear, and looking at me carefully. “It’s not something you do, dear. It’s something that happens when you get older.”
“How much older, Father?” I asked, placing my hand on his knee hopefully.
“I don’t know, Tasi…it’s different for everyone.”
“How old were you Father?”
He chuckled. “I’m not sure I’m an adult yet.”
I smiled weakly, trying to appreciate his humor. “You’re joking, right Father?”
“I am…” he sighed. “Honestly Tasi, I don’t think I really grew up until your Mama got a hold of me.”
“Mama made you a man?”
Father nodded. “That she did.”
“How could she do that?”
Father smiled, remembering Mama, no doubt. “She was so…beautiful. I had never seen anything as pretty as her before, and I told her so.”
I giggled. “You just walked up to her and told her she was pretty?”
“No, I didn’t have the courage for that. It took me a long time to get the courage to talk to her.”
I settled into the chair sitting by the table, just in front of Father. “How did you meet?”
He closed his eyes and sighed peacefully, seeming to remember my Mama.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Small rays of sunlight shined through holes in the canopy, falling across the forest floor and warming everything they touched. The wind toyed with the leaves, making them rustle softly overhead, where squirrels and chipmunks were chattering at each other; birds were twittering high in the branches.
David, Kenna, and I finished gathering boughs for Papa to weave early in the morning, and it hadn’t taken long to mend the fence with David’s help. Having our work completed long before mid-day I begged David and Kenna to take a ride with me, but Kenna had to help our Mama with the baking, and David was expecting a man from the palace to come and teach him something in the woods; leaving me, the baby of the family, with nothing to do.
I decided to take a ride by myself, and rode for hours, climbing higher and higher into the mountains. Finally I dismounted, and sat on the river bank, enjoying the broken rays of sunlight that fell across my shoulders, and lazily casting my line into the water. My half-hearted attempts hadn’t landed me any fish, and, after a while, I tossed my pole aside and flopped onto my back.
That was when I saw her. She was perched in the oak tree to my right, casually stretching across the branch over my head, reaching for something in a thicket of leaves just beyond the length of her arm. Her fiery hair was in a tangled mess over her face, her skirt hiked up nearly to her thighs; with sheer determination dominating her every move.
I watched her pull her knee towards her chest, and then dig her toenails into the branch beneath her, her dirty toes holding her in the air, her fingers stretching towards the leaves. She glanced down, saw me, and grinned mischievously. She slowly pushed herself away from the limb, and then leapt towards leaves; she snatched something, and twisted around as she plummeted towards the ground.
I gasped and jumped forward, trying to get under her before she landed, to catch her so she wouldn’t get hurt, but I was too late; her knees buckled as she landed, toppling her over onto her side. I rushed over to her.
“Hey! Are you alright?”
She shook her head, making her hair fall out of her face, and stood up, grinning impishly. “I’m fine.”
“Oh...are you sure?” I hesitated. Most girls wailed when they fell, and, I believed, most of the time they only did it for attention, not because they were hurt- but she didn’t. She only nodded.
“W-what were you doing up there?”
She triumphantly held her hands out to me. I looked at them suspiciously, and then back at her. “A nest?”
She nodded again.
“What do you want a nest for?” I looked between her face and the nest suspiciously.
“I don’t care about the nest. I want a meal.”
“You’re going to eat the eggs?” I asked, wrinkling my nose in disgust.
“Probably not.”
“Are you going to eat the nest?” I narrowed my eyes.
She giggled and shook her head. “No silly. I’m going to-“
A small bird squawked angrily and dove toward her head. She spun around, yanking a spear from her back, and running it through the bird’s chest; she pulled the bird from the spear and dropped it to the ground by her feet, carefully watching the air above our heads.
“Why did you--”
A second bird dove towards us, screeching angrily, only to meet the fate of the first. She pulled it too from the spear, and then drove the spear into the ground by her feet, pitching the nest to the side. “It’s a law of nature- mamas and papas want to save their babies from harm. If you jeopardize their young, they’ll try to rescue them...then you can eat mama and papa.”
“That’s horrid...you’re the strangest...most interesting girl I’ve ever met.” I grinned.
She giggled. “You’re just saying that ‘cause you want some Papa bird too.”
“No, I mean it. I’ve never met a girl who likes to hunt.”
She shrugged. “It’s not really hunting, if you think about it. I actually don’t like to hunt. Hunting requires effort-- you’ve got to sit perfectly still, and wait, and wait, and wait, and wait...all I had to do was a climb a tree and spear a couple birds.”
“Who are you?”
“I am a girl of many secrets.”
“Do you reveal any of your secrets?”
“Sometimes.”
“Who do ya tell?”
“People who use correct grammar,” she said.
My face flushed red. “Erm, yeah, sorry...will you tell me any secrets?”
“Will you keep them?”
“Yes.”
She raised an eyebrow.
“I will. I promise.”
“And what’s to make me trust your word?”
“I’m Timothy, John’s son, of Sector Twelve.”
“So?”
“So?” I repeated incredulously. “My father is-“
“It doesn’t matter what your father has done. Trust is earned, not inherited. What have you done?” She challenged.
I was, for the first time, speechless. I had never been doubted. I was the son of John of Sector Twelve. My reputation had been established long before my birth. I hadn’t ever really done anything to deserve it; being John’s son was always enough.
“That’s what I thought. You’re just like the rest.” She gathered up her birds and slipped her spear into a holder on her back.
“What does that mean?”
“It means that you have no initiative. You are perfectly alright with relying on your father’s wonderfulness to get you through your miserable existence. I bet you’ve never had to do a thing in your life-- just like a rich boy’s son should.”
“I-I-well-I resent that.” I spluttered, shocked that she had the nerve to speak rudely to me.
“So what?”
“I’ll have you know-“
She whirled around with surprisingly ferocity. “You’ll have me know, what?”
“...I work too.”
“What do you do?”
“I gather boughs.”
“Ooh, I hope you don’t strain yourself.”
I narrowed my eyes at her.
She sighed, “Fine. What are the boughs for?”
“My father weaves them.”
She snorted. “And it still goes back to your father.”
I looked at my feet, suddenly abashed. It was embarrassing and degrading to hear her talk like she was, but I couldn’t argue either. She had drawn her conclusions the way she’d seen fit. Her demeanor softened and she gently patted my shoulder rather awkwardly. “Hey now, it’s alright. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so sharp with you.”
I sighed deeply, a part of me longing for her sympathy to continue. “No, you’re right.”
She shrugged. “It takes time to learn to depend on yourself. You’ll get the hang of it.”
I looked into her clear blue eyes, intrigued by her once more. “When did you learn?”
She turned and started up deeper into the woods, up the steep hill. “Recently.”
“What made you want to try?”
“I was tired of being dependent on other people.”
“And you’re independent now?” I tried not to pant as I hiked up the hill after her.
“Yes.”
“Where do you live?”
“Wherever I choose.”
“Are you an orphan, then?”
Her back stiffened. “Some would say.”
“Would you?”
“I would say that I answer to only myself, which is more than most girls can say.” She walked around the boulder that rose above us. I followed close behind.
“And is it better that way? Answering only to yourself?” I asked, trying to conceal my surprise as she untied a horse’s reins from a low branch.
She threw the birds in a saddle bag. “Better? Yes. Easier? No.”
“Who said I wanted easy?”
“You did.” She mounted her horse.
“When?”
“By not seizing your own independence,” she replied simply.
There was a moment of silence.
“I’m leaving.”
“Don’t go yet.”
“Why shouldn’t I?” She asked challengingly, as she turned her horse towards me.
“I want you to stay.”
“Well I want to go. Why should I do what you want?”
“You ask impossible questions, you know.”
“Yes. I do know.”
“How am I supposed to answer you?” I asked, giving up the hope of ever being able to answer hers.
“Now that’s the question, isn’t it?”
“No, the question is why you should do what I want.” I absently stroked the hair on her horse’s shoulder.
She grinned. “You’re quicker than I thought.”
I hesitated, wondering whether that worked out to a compliment for me or not. “...You’re leaving, aren’t you?”
“That is such a vague question. Of course I’m leaving. Eventually you’ll leave too. We all have to leave one place to get to the next.”
“But you’re going to leave this place?”
“Yes, very shortly.”
I sighed. “Will you come with me?”
“No.”
“Can I come with you?”
“No.”
“Can I see you again?”
“Can you catch me?”
“What?”
She smirked, her face being taken captive by the same troublesome, irresistible look I had seen when she had been in the tree. “Your horse, down the hill a quarter mile, tied to the little pine tree-- is he fast?”
I nodded, surprised that she saw him. “He is.”
“Let’s race.”
“Why would I do that?” I asked, trying to pretend not to be too interested in her suggestion. I was itching to ride with somebody--racing was even better--but I was wary of being too eager with this girl.
She shrugged. “That’s a question you’ll have to answer yourself.”
“You want me to answer your questions.”
“I haven’t asked you any questions that I haven’t answered myself.”
“Even your statements are difficult to answer.”
She grinned again. “Good.”
“I don’t think so.”
“No?”
“No.”
“That’s too bad. I think so.”
I sighed. “I’m sure.”
“...Fine, if we race, and you win, I’ll tell you where to meet me tomorrow. If I win, you clean my birds for me.”
“You’re on.”
I hurried to my little paint, and swung myself on his back as the girl came galloping down the hill. I swung his head around and dug my heels into his sides, making him jump forward as the girl went thundering past us. A second later we were on her tail.
We dashed down the narrow path, her horse’s tail mere inches in front of my horse’s nose. My entire body was energized as adrenaline coursed through my veins; not only did I get the rush of the speed--the usual prize I got when I raced-- this time more was on the line, making the feeling that much better.
The girl gradually got further and further ahead of me, until she started disappearing around the turns; soon I found myself alone once more, and slowed my panting horse to a walk. I couldn’t hear her horse anymore, which I should’ve been able to, had she been anywhere near us. I was surprised, and disgusted, at how disappointed I was that she was already gone.
I sat for a few minutes on my horse’s back, until his sides stopped heaving as hard, and then, realizing that there was nothing else to do, I sullenly walked home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“That can’t be right. If you lost her, then how am I here?” I protested.
Father smiled. “Well I didn’t give up. I went home that night, but the next day I was still thinking about her.”
“What did you do?” I asked eagerly, learning forward to be sure I didn’t miss a single word.
“I annoyed my family.” Father laughed. “I was scared to tell my parents about my mystery girl, but eager to see her again, and couldn’t keep myself calm...I finally broke down and told David.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was twilight by the time I returned to my family’s estate; but I was moving slothfully, my drive robbed from me by the girl, taken with my good mood. I walked into the barn with my horse and slowly unsaddled him. Cooled by walking the rest of the way home, my horse patiently waited as I rubbed him down with an old towel and then brushed his hair down.
“Mam’ is madder ‘en a wet hen, waitin’ for you in the house.”
I looked up and saw David standing by the door of the stall, leaning on the doorframe. “What did I do?”
“Well you didna make it ‘ome fo’ dinner, to start with.”
I sighed. “Is Papa home?”
“Aye. He’s not too happy with y’ either.”
I sighed again and slowly pulled the bridle from my horse’s head. “Tell them I’m un-tacking, um, oh shoot, what did Kenna name this horse?”
“It was somethin’ like Star, wasn’t it?”
“I don’t know, I guess. Tell Mama and Papa that I’m un-tacking Star...I’ll be in a bit later on.”
David shrugged. “A’ight, it’s your hide...but you might wanna hurry up. Pap does’na seem to be in a very patient mood tonight.”
I nodded. “Yeah, okay.”
David returned to the house, leaving me alone with Star. I patted Star’s neck and sighed. “What do I tell them, Star? They’re going to want to know why I was out so late, and they’re not going to believe me about the girl.”
Star nudged me with his muzzle, so I pet him for a moment, trying to form an alibi before reluctantly walking into the house. Papa was sitting by the dying fire, smoking his pipe and reading a book in the dim light. Mama was sweeping in the kitchen, trying to busy herself to keep from worrying so much about me.
As I opened the door, I heard David talking to Mama, “Yes’m, he’s in the stable now. He says he’ll be in the house soon enough.”
“Well he’d better, or else--”
“I’m in Mama, there’s no need for ‘or else’s.”
Mama started towards me, broom in hand. Papa closed his book and stood, fixing me in a cold stare.
“Where have you been? I’ve been worried sick about you!” Mama scolded angrily.
“In the woods.”
“In the woods? In the woods!” She smacked me with the handle of her broom. “I’ve been fretting and worrying all night, and all you can say is that you’ve been in the woods?”
I rubbed my chest, and retreated a few steps as she took another swing at me.
Father stepped forward and put his hand on Mama’s shoulder. She stopped swinging her broom, but continued to scowl at me. “What were you doing in the woods, Boy?”
“I- I went fishing...I got a bit further away than I usually do-and-misjudged-the...time it would take to get home...I’m sorry?” I said slowly, trying to step around the lecture I was about to get.
“Hah, little Timmy’s been fishin’ in the woods. I bet he saw a mermaid, is what made him late,” David hooted.
“Shut up David!” I snarled.
“Go to your room, David.” Mama and Papa said simultaneously.
David climbed the ladder into our room, laughing the whole way.
“Timothy, your mother and I trusted to get home by dark- that’s when you always have to get home- and you let us down. If you can’t be trusted, then we’re going to have to stop letting you go places by yourself.”
“Oh my god, Pa! Don’t act like I’m a kid! I’m nineteen years old!”
“I know!” he shouted, “That’s why I expect you to be able to get home by dark.”
“It was one time! Can’t a man misjudge time once in a while?”
“Not when he lives with his parents.”
“Then I’ll move out.”
“Don’t be stupid. Where would you go?”
My thoughts wandered back to the girl, and I wondered where she went, and how she did it. I really wished I knew.
“I don’t know, but I’ll figure it out if you keep treating me like a child.”
“If you’d act like a man, for once, I might treat you like one.”
“It wasn’t my fault. I was trying to catch our supper for tomorrow.”
“Oh yeah, ‘cause we’re starving. That’s obvious.”
“I was trying to feed the family, regardless of how well you’ve done it in the past.”
“Fine. Where is your catch then? Are we going to eat tomorrow?”
“I had to abandon my quest early. I was trying to get home before dark, because I knew you’d act like this if I was the tiniest bit late.”
“Your quest?” Papa laughed scornfully. “Well that it explains it then, if catching fish is a ‘quest’ for you.”
My face flushed crimson, but I didn’t reply. He cuffed my ears, knocking me sideways. “Go to bed...then you’ll be able to dream about your big quest.”
I resentfully climbed the ladder into our room, where David was sitting on the edge of his bed, smirking, waiting for me. “The grand quest o’ gatherin’ fish,” David cackled.
“Shut up.”
“You got off easy, ya know.”
“Shut up.” I growled, as I flopped down onto my bed and jerked the blankets over me.
“You ain’t even gonna get outta your quest clothes?”
“Just mind your own business.” I rolled over, turning my back on him.
“Go to sleep boys!” Papa shouted.
David lay back in his bed with a childish grin. I lay in my bed, fuming and waiting for sleep to overtake me. But as soon as my anger melted away, it was replaced by her memory. Her grin, the way she tossed her hair, the carefree way she did everything haunted me. I wanted to see her again, more than anything. I wished I knew her name. I wished I could visit her again.
Everything got quiet and dark downstairs. David got up and crept across the floor, sitting down on the edge of my bed. He put his hand on my shoulder. “Hey Bub, what’s the matter?”
He was met by silence.
“I know you’re not asleep.”
I sniffed, trying to wipe the tears off my face. “So what.”
“What happened?”
“Nothing. I misjudged time, for once in my life.”
“Look, it’s great that you were able t’ sell yer story t’ them, but I ain’t buyin’ it.”
“I just got too far away.”
“You expect me t’ believe that? You know them woods like the back o’ yer hand.”
I sighed.
“Come on, you can tell me.”
“You promise not to tell Mama and Papa?”
“Cross m’ heart and hope t’ die.”
“...I met a girl.”
“...a girl?”
“Yes, a girl.”
“I see...what type o’ girl?”
“An amazing one...she’s the prettiest girl I’ve ever met.”
“Who is she?”
“I don’t know.”
“Yet you’re all upset ‘bout her?”
“You didn’t see her David,” I said as I rolled over. “She wasn’t like any other girl.”
“Well where does she live?”
“I don’t know.”
David sighed. “Well if you do’na know where she lives, and you do’na know who she is, then how d’ y’ expect t’ find her again?”
“That’s the problem! I don’t know!” I wiped at rebel tears that streamed down my face again.
“Hmm...Well maybe she’ll come ‘round again.”
“How? She doesn’t know where I live either.”
David bit his lip, thinking. “Well how about we ride out t’morrow t’ where y’ saw her...Maybe she’ll go back too.”
I sniffed, the tears coming to a stop. “That might work.”
David nodded. “Then it’s a plan. We go in t’ the woods t’morrow, and we find th’ girl.”
“Alright.”
He punched my shoulder and stood. “Good. Get t’ sleep Timmy-boy, we’ve got maidens t’ chase soon.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“What happened? Did you find Mama? Did she fall in love with you?” I asked eagerly.
Father chuckled. “Wait a minute. You’re getting ahead of yourself.”
“But you did find her. You had to have.”
“Well it sounds like you know the story better than I do.”
“I’m sorry Father...please finish your story.”
“Well I suppose there’s not much left to tell. You’ve already figured out the end.”
“Oh please tell me what happened next. Please Father.”
“Oh, alright...David and I finally fell asleep. The next morning we both worked twice as hard as usual, trying to get our chores done early.”
“So you could try to find Mama?”
“Yes. We finished at mid-morning and saddled up our horses. David and I said that we were just going for a ride together, but, as I had forgotten my fishing pole, we had an excuse to return to the mountains.”
End of chapter
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So. This chapter started off a bit confusing. Maybe even a tad bit boring. But it got better when the dad told Tasia about how he met his wife.


I *loved* the dialogue. Very witty.
My only complaint is the way the story is told. You write it in first person, which is mostly fine. Though it may be better in third person. But if you're going to keep it in first person, I suggest you italicize it. Just to make it easier to see that it's a story, not just another character...
Hey Shadow

Just stopped by to have a look at your stooooory!
My first major point would be that you use a lot of dialogue. Now I love dialogue but this sort of bordered on excessive. You have to choose when to use dialogue and when to hold back, when to use bodily cues to suggest what a character is thinking. Otherwise your dialogue just starts to read like a list and I found myself beginning to skim over the dialogue and not really take it in. When I write dialogue, the most I will let myself go without a dialogue tag or description is about 3 lines. I think it most bothered me in the scene with the girl. With the way you write her character I think it would be much more powerful if you were to have her not respond, to not answer all the questions. I think this would make his interest in her that much more powerful because he wants to find out. At the moment she basically answers everything he asks her.
This leads me onto my second point. Your characters are sometimes not very consistent or at least they change way too fast with these thoughts that seem to come out of nowhere. For example, the girl in the first scene is being defiant and then suddenly this idea of being a grown-up appears to crop up out of nowhere and leads to a change in her character. The next example would be the mother. One moment she is scolding him and then at the drop of a hat she changes and is comforting him. Then with David, he is seemingly constantly teasing his brother then switches to helping him. I think the problem is that you spend time setting up these characters to be a certain way and then you change them so quick. If a character goes against their personality then there needs to be reasoning behind it that needs to somehow be expressed. For example, say you had a character who is self serving. He only does something when it is beneficial to him. You can't then have this character help someone out of nowhere out of the goodness of his heart but you can have him help a person because he sees a way that it can help him in the future.
Overall though, I like the set-up you have here, of the father telling the daughter how he met the mother and I kind of love how strong and independent the mother is...it's pretty cool! lol I look forward to reading on and seeing how David and the father managed to find her again and what happened.
I hope that helped and made sense. If you have any questions then feel free to PM me
Bex
x
Hey Beckiw!

Thanks so much for your review, I really appreciate it!
Hello shadow! Dogs here with your review today. Ok, I think your opening is excellent. A wonderful idea of starting a book off in a dream with a comic sense of being a rock and talking to your father. I thought that was quite funny and I enjoyed it.
. Keep up the good work!

Ok When you mention that you "took a ride" What exactly are you insinuating? I'd assume that you mean take a ride on a horse, but I could indeed be wrong. Also at this time the setting is a little unclear for me. These are tiny tiny details but can make your writing much stronger.
So when you go on about the part when the bird dove at the "fiery girl," you need to add in a little more description. When I think of a bird I think of like a blue jay or something relatively small. So how big is the bird, and where the heck did the spear come from? Yes I know you said it "was from her back" but I'd suggest you should describe that a little more when your main character first see's her.
Woow?! The story just switched from Tasia to Timothy... but I didn't even know that until John introduced himself. If the reader is that confused you know you have an issue. I'd suggest trying to label that the next section is about John at the beginning of the new section so that will alleviate some confusion.
Ok so your second section about Timothy is very good minus a few couple slip ups. Your dialogue is spot on, I really do enjoy the back and forth commentary about the questions.
Ok, so now this makes sense, we're going back into the fathers life. I feel like I really should have known that... maybe make it a little clearer for the reader. Also on another though, the dialect you're using for David signifies lower class. Which is a little confusing considering David is a son in a wealthy family.
"David climbed the latter into our room, laughing the whole way"
This line doesn't make too much sense because his parents told him to go to his room, and grammatically "our" room is referring to the room in which Timothy and his parents are residing. So maybe sub that out "into his room" or something on the lines of that.
Alrighty, well I think this is a great great start for an excellent book. I really look forward to some more of your writing. You really do a great job with your dialogue, by far your strongest part of your writing. I could only fine very small errors in your writing because I think this is a great piece. With a few touch ups this could be a masterpiece, please do let me know when you post the next chapter to your book! I'd love to read it
TuckEr EllsworTh
Hey Dogs!

Thanks so much for the review!