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140,227 Literary Works • 673,047 Reviews
I like the first verse but after that the rhythm got off in a few places. I understand the meaning of this and it is very powerful. Good work but the rhythm is the only thing I would change. Hope this helps.
I liked this a lot. Especially the first verse. I loved the simplicity of it and how it was somehow mysterious, begging us to read the rest. As @Bobbywalker said, the double dear could be fixed. Throughout the poem, you started to make it into more of a story than at the start, which is good because the poem is opening up.
Overall, a very impressive poem which I loved very much.
Keep writing
~The World
Hi.
. The two, dear's doesnt fit together. Try to exchange one of them(sorry if any typos. I'm writing on my ancient cell :3).First thing first. The rhyming and all, well, thar isn't my favurite, but I'll try to review professionally. Ok i loke the originality, and the creativity as well. Your vocabulary is shown off pretty ok, and there are no specific things I don't like. Except one thing.
Other than that, great job. I liked it alot.
8,5/10 Because of the double dear, you just get 8/10. Fi it, and you'll get the 8,5 you deserve.
Love, Bob Walker!