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Shatter Me

by Queenie


Shatter Me

The girl in my mirror

Smiled her gorgeous smile

As the lovely, ruby rose

Was placed in the glass vase

I stood built of confidence

But his cruel words

Punctured holes in my walls

Forcing me to stumble and stutter

The girl in my mirror

Stared at the ground, ashamed

As the rose lost three pretty petals

Revealing the thorns beneath 

His taunts belittled and tricked my mind

Tears started streaking down from my eyes

And I began to wonder if maybe he was right

Maybe I am just a worthless, stupid little kid

The girl in my mirror

Looked at me with red, miserable eyes

As the tear drenched rose

Started to let its color fade

I walked with my head down, shoulders slumped

Squinting through swollen eyes

Colors swirling together forming a dull gray

As I let him tear me apart piece by piece

The girl in my mirror

Appeared a melancholy shade of red

As the scentless rose

Dropped its last petal

I cried as my once perfect rose perished

And I looked as if I might too

But I can’t, I won’t let him

Shatter me

The girl in my mirror

Stood with a glint of hope

As a beautiful new rose

Was gently placed in the vase


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80 Reviews


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Sun Mar 26, 2017 1:55 pm
VegasLights wrote a review...



Hello, Queenie. Steam1244 here to give you a review! I must say that I loved your poem. I've noticed 2 things though. For example, why are the stanzas on different sides of the page? I found myself trying to figure out what to read next, and you know, just hope it is right. Another one is, dull words. I wish you would describe the words, but not use repetition.

I'm sorry that I came off rather harsh, but i'm trying to give you my honest opinion. Yes, I know, not everything can be perfect, nor should it be. But, I really do love the meaning of your poem. I thank you for your time and I hope you have a great day!

Keep Writing,
Miranda




Queenie says...


Thanks for the review!



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Mon Mar 06, 2017 11:25 pm
zaminami wrote a review...



Howdy-

This piece is VERY good. It's one of the best poems that I've seen on here thus far. It's emotional. Your writing kind of reminds me of Ellen Hopkins and Emma Lazarus. Really good.

But I have a few things. Number one, have you heard of Tehereh Mafi? She wrote the book "Shatter Me". The title reminded me of it, and I just wondered if you knew that that was a title of a book that got a honorable mention at the Arab American Book Awards.

The second thing. Why does "the girl in the mirror" appear a "melancholy shade of red"? I thought that melancholy colors were blue and dark purple, not red.

The third and final thing, where did the second rose come from? Did it appear out of nowhere or something? Did aliens teleport it from their home planet of Skaro?

I'm PROBABLY not the best at reviewing this (I'm not that good with poetry) but I wanted to review this because it was so good.

Hope this helped!--

Kara




Queenie says...


Thanks for your review! Now to answer your questions. I have not heard of that book. I originally had it as a melancholy shade of blue for the reasons you gave, but then was told to change it to red to relate it to the rose. Finally, I don't believe that where the rose came from is important, so I just left it up to the reader to decide.



zaminami says...


@Queenie --

Okay. Thanks for answering!



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Mon Mar 06, 2017 11:12 pm
Rosendorn wrote a review...



Hello.

Definitely more emotional than the last poem. Still caught up a bit in A Poem, but better than it was.

I like how you touched on hope, here, everything coming full circle and a beautiful determined spirit with the rose. It reminded me vaguely of Beauty and the Beast but with a more positive twist.

One thing here was I thought it was going to be about distorted body image, between the mirror imagery and the abuse hinted at here and there. I didn't really pick up on that, where I don't feel things got quite dark enough to really take us full circle.

The thing about darkness in poems is that it needs to have notes of personality to get depth to it. Right now, the dark/hard parts of this poem are built up around generic imagery of being picked apart, bruises, etc. The framing device of the rose is relatively unique, but the mirror is a little trite.

Basically, I would love to see more vulnerability from this piece. Something in the shadows and discussing the abuse that dives in deep enough we get a concrete moment of pain, instead of everything framed out in metaphor.

The rose, however, is beautiful. Definitely keep that.

Hope this helps. Let me know if you have any questions or comments.

~Rosey




Queenie says...


Thanks for the review!



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Sun Mar 05, 2017 3:32 am
CateRose17 wrote a review...



oh...lord... did you legit just write that? Like wow. I can relate totally to this by so much! Your words are a tad overused like a previous reviewer had said, but that doesn't lessen the strength of the poem at all. This touched my heart because something with a guy happened like this and it hurt, but I didn't let it break me. You send out a message of light and hope saying there is always a new beginning after a tough situation like that. I loved how you did the mirror thing. That was a perfect reflection of how things are. Beautifully done, Darling. Love you!




Queenie says...


Thanks for the review!



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Sun Mar 05, 2017 2:37 am
erilea wrote a review...



Heya, Queenie! Lupa here for a review! :D Let's start...

1) Throughout this entire poem, your adjectives are slightly cliche / overused. You use words like lovely, pretty, beautiful, etc. I understand you want to have some description, but don't use outdated adjectives to serve your purpose. Describe how the petals look--for example, the exact shade of red it is (ruby, garnet...).

2) I don't exactly get why the stanzas are on different sides of the page. Are they there for any purpose? If not, putting them all on one side helps amend the flow.

I'm sorry I can't help you anymore, but I hope what I said helped! :) The last stanza especially stood out to me, as it represented the girl getting someone new. I love the idea of the poem, actually.

I hope to see more of your writing soon. Welcome to YWS and keep writing!

XOX,
Lupa22




Queenie says...


Thanks for the help!



erilea says...


No problem at all! :)



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Sat Mar 04, 2017 1:29 am
MeisterChan wrote a review...



Hey, Queenie! It's ScytheMeister here for another quick review :)

Gosh, this was definitely emotional. I'm deciding whether to say I hated it for reducing me to tears or saying I love it for doing the same thing. It was beautiful! You truly captured the girl's emotions and the way you expressed them was breathtaking.

The symbolism of the rose was spectacular; you showed her losing her 'life' essentially, just like a rose. The boy, I believe, resembled death taking life from the rose, which is why I loved this line "As I let him pick me apart piece by piece."

I love the layout its in, it fits the style of the poem. I hope to read more work like this!

Keep Writing! <3

- ScytheMeister




Queenie says...


Thanks for the review!



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Sat Mar 04, 2017 1:08 am
LonelyStar wrote a review...



So I loved this, good job. I loved the repetition in it and the use of roses and just the way you described things in general. I loved the whole meaning of it and moving on and the ending that even though she was hurt in the end she found the strength to realize she shouldn't be shattered very motivational. I also lve the format it's in. I so hope to see more from you great job keep writing.




Queenie says...


Thanks for the review!




Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.
— Winston Churchill