Coffee

Heyhey, ChipMcCoy! Awesome wisegirl22 here to review Coffee. Hehe, that sounds weird.

First, some nice words. This was beautifully fluent, great, careful planting of those break ups. A bit more description here, though.

This part was completely useless, in my opinion. What does this have to do with coffee?

"I find a comfort at the bottom of
swimming pools, where the voices
are temporarily drowned out."

Just that, everything else was funny and great. Keep writing, live in the Green Room!

-wisegirl22

Review! i liked that it wasnt a traditional poem and it had a deeper meaning to it. i like that you gave it feeling, though by looking at your title i can tell it was suppoused to be funny and mean something different. i like that that the poem actually sounded like you were talking about someone. it was very different and enjoyable, good job

Review

Positives

1.This poem has great description

2.It has great imagery

3.You can capture the feeling of the character

Negatives

The poem could be a little bit longer

Overall

The poem was beautiful, and well written.

keep writing

~cassaundra~

Great poem! Very well written! I love the wittiness! I can relate, haha. I drink coffee to get me going, but then I can't sleep at night, so I'm tired the next day. And so the cycle goes.
Anyways, I really like your style. Nice work

This reminds me of my parents. Well, I'm from Jersey, and Jersians are the only people who can drink coffee at any time of the day. I can imagine how energetic they must be when they drink a lot of coffee within a day. Whenever we go to a restaurant, it's coffee for dessert. I'm not a huge fan of it, especially when they put coffee in desserts, so I don't have this problem.

Anyway, I really like how witty this poem is. Please continue your good work.

I really liked this, mainly because it sounds like something I would write.. just joking but yeah its good. Keep it up!

Hello you!
Featured again! XD Yay
I have to say this work made me upset.

You say you lost feelings, but frankly,
I lost my mind.
Isn't it madness that I talk to myself about
you?
I'll be alright.
Just not tonight.

I still hopelessly write your name
in fogged mirrors.

Looooooooooooooooooovvvvee this!!

I can totally relate to this as ummm, I happen to be drinking coffee right now!

I enjoyed reading this although I can't connect the title Coffee with anything in the poem, other than the you are my addiction part. Hah, I think too much. Nice poem.

Cheers
~ S

Wow. I thought the imagery was great, but what is truly great about this poem is how many people can relate to this poem; it is raw and holds so much truth. Good job!

Wow. Looooove. Big fan.

Not a review, but I just simply wanted to say that I loved it!, beautiful imagery and language. Truly wonderful job! *likes*

Hey Chips! Thewriter13 here to give a review.
So I'm not the biggest fan of coffee *awaits gasps* but I love this poem you've written! Well done!
So I'll go through nitpicks, then praise, and then what could be worked on.
Let's get started, shall we?

Nitpicks!

Thoughts of you woke me up in
the middle of the night.
You sparked a war within my
soul, in which I couldn't truly win.

Loving you was an addiction which
medication could not cure, therapy didn't
understand,and rehab couldn't soothe.

This was beautiful.
Also if was funny if I read it as this person loves coffee so much that they write "coffee" on fogged mirrors. But I'll try to look past that as this is a serious poem.

So your beginning was cute. I think I've heard it before, but not so much that it has become exactly cliche... watch out for the cliches in this, I think they're why I didn't LOVE LOVE this. Because I've heard it before in several places. The thing is, you said these things differently from those other places, so they're not cliche exactly. But I've heard the ideas expressed many times. Like the part about the heart, and losing your mind, and yes, the addiction metaphor. I don't know what to tell you other than perhaps you could either get rid of these parts, or make them... more different? Give them a twist. OR add more stuff that's not cliche to dilute the parts that are a little.
I'm sorry that was kind of ramble-y.

I think my favorite part about it was the third stanza. You had those two concrete images the second of which didn't seem to relate, but if I imagine that they're at the bottom of the pool just thinking about this person, it's so tender and lovely. It's probably going to be the only part that I remember in the future. That's because of it's images. Maybe if you had such concrete details elsewhere in your poem I'd remember those parts too?
For example, you could describe actually going to the rehab center to see if they have a program that can cure someone of love. You'd have details of them paging through pamphlets, and then you'd peek into windows just to see...
Of course don't do that exactly. That was an example.

I also like the last two lines and their rhyme, and how you italicized "not."

Great job, I enjoyed reading this, and I loved the emotion in it. Keep writing!
~fortis

I love this. I think it's haunting sorrows are gorgeous. The only trouble I had reading it was how the poem fell into rhymes sometimes, but not in any steadiness. I liked how you explained where your emotions found themselves loudest.
"And I still hopelessly write your name
in fogged mirrors.
I find comfort at the bottom of
swimming pools, where the voices
are temporarily drowned out."
This stanza is so beautiful. It shows how our passions scream more ardently in loneliness and solitude and I love the melancholic truth of it. Keep writing, you're really good at it.