Young Writers Society

Hello, Chips here with a review.

I found your poem title to be humorous, so I was expecting a hint of that through your poem. But I found it to be more sentimental, which is not necessarily a negative thing. I liked how your formatted this piece and the rhyme scheme was executed pretty well.

"Zero gravity keeps my dreams floating,

It keeps my mothers heart hoping,

It stops my lungs from smoking. "

This was a nice start though "zero" wouldn't be my idea choice of wording. Perhaps simply, *No gravity*? Otherwise its fine. I liked the reference to dreams sustaining the need to smoke too.


"I'm a river, always flowing,

Though I might be choking,

A smile keeps them all from knowing."

The rhyming flowed well here. Though, there were too many commas in your first line I think. Maybe removing the comma next to "river".

"You made my true emotions start showing,

The hollow heart I had, started glowing,

And I was frozen, before you made it stop snowing."

Nice imagery used in the last sentence here. The second line read slightly choppy, there seemed to be word misplacement, which could be easily rephrased.

"I want you to know just in case,

You change your mind, I'm easy to replace,

My problems aren't something time can erase. "

The line referencing, "easy to replace", was an odd phrase since that's not what people would usually like to call themselves, i found it interesting although slightly confusing.

Overall this was a nice piece. Hope this review helped. Keep writing!


--Chippy.

#TheFaultInOurReviews

Thank you for numbering the two parts of your poem with normal numbers rather than roman numerals. It is my policy to never review anything that has roman numerals.... long story... But on to the review!

Format:
I really like the rhyme scheme; not very complicated but very clean.
It's really interesting how the first half links with the second half. It's a little disjointed but not in a completely bad way.

Suggestions:
The first section seems more optimistic than the 2nd and is much more abstract. I don't really understand how all of the lines work together. For example it seems like that line about the mother (line 2) is just thrown in there and not revisited ever.

Content:
I feel like this poem gets better each stanza. The first half I can't really connect with the character there are just beautiful random rhyming lines thrown together. Then in the 2nd half I feel like I really learn who this character is and their struggle.

In these two lines the meaning isn't completely apparent:

I want you to know just in case,

You change your mind, I'm easy to replace,"

This review courtesy of

Hello.
Kanome here with a review for you.

I really like this poem. It's interesting and new, and I certainly love the title. It kind of made me laugh a little.
I love your formatting in this piece.

I also love your rhyme scheme. I like rhyming poems, it makes me feel like a kid again.
I honestly don't see anything wrong with this poem, as far as I know of.

My only suggestion is to keep up the great work.
I can't wait to read more.

This review courtesy of