Dedicate Yourself Girls

FEMINISM FOR THE WIN!

Amazing...and beautiful! Very inspirational, with a dedicated point of interest. Gives a very strong message too. No matter what the other people say about it, I love it! I'm a feminist so this has great meaning too me.

Wow! I loved this piece! It was such a great look into what society things of women. I liked how the point of view/opinion changed in the middle of the poem. I also thought that even though the words, "Dedicate yourself girls" was repeated throught the whole poem, it started to change meaning. Great, great job! The only part that wasn't quite correct was, "because apparently your not worth." Here, "your" should be "you're" because it is "you are," not possessive. You are so talented!

GO FEMINISM! (or gender equality, whatever you want to call it)

*Likes*

Guys, it's satire. And Ialreadydied has done it incredibly well.
I love it. Seeing the title I was ready to go on a full rant. But wow! I don't need to, because you kind of already have for me. Sure, it isn't the most beautifully written poem, but it is still very good and I love it.
It is meant to be stereotypical, because what you are calling out is a stereotypical belief/opinion. So, for those of who that don't realise that, reread it and actually pay attention to what she is saying. Because, it is satire and is mean to call out something, bring to light an issue using comedy. And comedy tends to be based of stereotypes.
Yes, there are a few errors, in terms of the whole 'housewives are bad, and women shouldn't strive to be that.' But, I feel that if maybe you try and say in more detail that it's wrong for women to be pressured into being only a housewife is bad it would be better.
Anyway, I liked this and good job!

Wow. That's all I can say. Wow.

Hello.

Your poem's title was what intrigued me. And when I started reading, I had high hopes for this piece. However. I find myself disagreeing with all the major points you make in this work. Firstly, and I'm sure this wasn't your intention, but... you've made men sound like really misogynistic pigs. Like... ALL of them - and that just isn't true.
'take your time to starve yourself

for a boy who doesn't care

about anything but your body.' The first reference here is something devastating, that obviously can happen. But we could also acknowledge the fact that boys aren't the only reason girls may have troubles with eating - self confidence can stem from the way we view ourselves as much as we are concerned with the others' judgement of us.

I think I dislike this work because it plays on the stereotypical - and only the stereotypical to gets its point across. I think you could have made it a lot cleverer if there was some more evidence here than just what we can ascertain by looking at the media and such, trashy magazines:
'you could amount to great things

like making your husband lunch

because he's too lazy to move.'

This is accurate in some cases, but again... not all. And that work needs to keep that in mind for its point to sound like anything other than... a lecture?!

Technical point here: 'your not' that should be: 'you're not' You do that again at the beginning of a later line: 'Your not meant...'

Nor are you meant to obey that mans

every stupid command.

The imbalance between men and women has always been strong. In my eyes I don't think it'll ever change. What I do think is that we can see our differences and use them to help each other. Women will never be like men nor will men be like women. Anyway, I'm rambling when this is about your poem.

I have to agree with @Cirute here. I understand that you weren't meaning all men but it comes across at times that you are hating on men. Which in some cases men aren't at fault.

[quote]take your time to starve yourself

for a boy who doesn't care

about anything but your body.[quote]

For me those who should take the blame for eating disorders are beauty magazines and other forms of media. Most of the time those running these beauty magazines are women. Time and time again I read columns on how I should dress this season, how I should put make-up on and how I should eat. All of these written by women.

I felt that your poem tried it's very best to achieve great goals and fell just a tad short. But the ambition is rather admirable. I liked your uplifting ending and how empowering it was. I also like how your poem was structured.

While the subject matter has been done before it was still a nice read. Not anything great but nice.

I felt like you could have went even deeper. Like I said before beauty magazines are some of the many reasons as to why we are the lesser gender. Men are just a proportion of those reasons too.

I apologize for my ramblings.

Hello,

*This is not meant to be rude or sexist at all, but simply implying the view society teaches men to have on woman.*

Okay, when your poem needs a disclaimer to avoid getting called out on sexism, it's time to reconsider your choice of words and the message conveyed by them. This sort of statement kind of pisses me off, for I see it all too much. That 'society is working against women to promote a pro-men agenda' thing. This pisses me off because it is an incredibly inaccurate statement. Do you think that men are programmed to think of women as slaves? Or that all women are slaves to their husbands? According to your disclaimer, you don't, but your poem speaks different. I get the feeling of incredible prejudice towards men when reading it, and if not for the disclaimer I would really be attacking this for the sexism that it seems to portray. Your poem ought to be able to convey your message WITHOUT the need for a disclaimer, but I'm getting sidetracked now.

"Dedicate yourself girls,

take your time to starve yourself

for a boy who doesn't care

about anything but your body."

What I get from this is that you are implying that males are to blame for eating disorders in women. Again, I know that you most likely aren't trying to make that claim, but the poem speaks for itself. This is also yet another instance of going on assumption instead of fact. I write political and social things all the time, and what I find makes a good statement is something that is rooted in actual fact.

"Nor are you meant to obey that mans

every stupid command."

Again with the implied sexism. It's as if this poem thinks that it's still 1950. You know, the days when a woman's Christmas bonus at work was a [CENSORED]. I hate to tell you this, but women's rights have come a long way since then. What if I were to tell that I've witnessed a lot of men getting ordered around by their wives/girlfriends? It happens a lot more often than you would think. Heck, I broke up with a previous girlfriend because she expect me to do her every bidding. If I were to write a poem saying that "men not to be told what to do by women" I would get blasted for being a sexist. This all makes you look like a hypocrite, which is sad because I can truly see what you were trying to accomplish with this.

~Cirute

Hey there! Isha here for a review.

Okay, so the message you're trying to portray here is one that, technically speaking, needs to be heard. Women need to know what they're worth, and that they have boundless potential, and that they can be whatever they want to be and all that jazz. However, I am going to talk to you about the content of your poem, and why you may be failing in your mission more than succeeding at it.

I'm not going to say much about the structure, aside from that it was very... bland. Very basic. I didn't really find a point of interest in imagery, or emotional portrayal, or originality. What I want to say more about:

The entire point of this poem, if I'm not mistaken, is to tell women that they're worth something. That they are perfectly capable of making their own choices and achieving what they want to achieve in life, and that they don't have to stay home if that's not what they want to do. However, the way you portray this message contributes to an idea that's common in "feminist" circles (you'll see why the quotation marks are there in a moment):

that women are capable of making their own choices and should be allowed to do whatever they want, unless they actually want to be a housewife, or a stay at home mom. Doing this is a total waste of potential and time. This poem is telling women that wanted to be a homemaker is a worthless goal, and that housewives and stay-at-home moms are worthless people. They can't possibly be living up to their full potential because they're not "working." Which is something that I have a massive problem with, because you know what's not easy?

Being a house-spouse or a stay-at-home parent.

This poem is basically flat-out saying that no woman should ever aspire to stay at home and cook for their "lazy" husbands (and yes, there are instances where this is the case, but the dynamics generally don't work like this. That "lazy" husband is out working all day, making the money, bringing in what the wife needs to manage the home. His duty is providing, and hers is managing the provision. Neither role is more or less important than the other). If they do, they're wasting their potential. They're obviously unhappy. They're not doing or amounting to anything.

Apparently, raising children and passing on your knowledge and wisdom and making sure that they're brought up well is the single least valuable thing anyone can do with their lives.

In Summary:

You have not created a pro-woman poem. You have created a pro-women-who-work-outside-the-home, anti-women-who-work-inside-the-home poem. If you want to convey that women are capable of making their own choices and following their dreams, you might want to take a step back and consider that some women do want to stay at home. That their dream is to be a mother and a housewife and a homemaker, and that there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. And, at the same time there is nothing wrong with being a woman who wants to be out on the workforce, and that she can accomplish anything and everything that a man can, and that she deserves equality in that field too.

Good job and keep writing,
~Shane

This poem is so raw and honest and I really love it for that, it's inspiring and really puts todays society in perspective. I love the turn around at the end, "You'll go for in this world," it's very clover of you so bravo.

Okay, but be wary about where your bounds lie as an advocate of gender equality. Too many feminists, historically and contemporarily, forget their ideals and forget their audience and end up subscribing to the same misogynistic tendencies they accuse so many males of. Remember that your (our) goal is to reestablish the intrinsic balance and interdependence between the sexes, not create rifts between them through accusations and sexual repression. That's a two-way road, of course (the Santa Barbara tragedy certainly made that blindingly clear). But equality is achieved through unity, not inflammation. Be careful.

As a poem, I found this largely uninteresting aside from the social-psychological issues it taps into. The technique is boring and everything is bogged down by repetition and redundancy. Poetry is an expression of exploration, use it for what it's for.

I sincerely hope that not everyone views women in this manner, as I for one tend to take a modernist equal-sex approach. The poem is rather nicely written, with very few spelling or grammatical errors. The only error that is plain to me is the lack of an apostrophe (') after the word man near the middle end of the poem. It's the last word of its line. Other than that, well done and good luck with your future writing.

Hey there!

Cool message you sent there. Is was easy and clear to make out, which I think is a good thing, but you want something to think about as well. I thought this poem was a good example of that.

There were a couple nitpicks, though..

because apparently your not worth
anything besides a third your husband makes.

for you are worth more than to be a tool.
Your not meant to stack meat on bread.

Nor are you meant to obey that mans
every stupid command.