*Lately I have been feeling so down, my depression seems to be getting worse and worse. I didn't write this recently, it's from about a year ago when I had good things going for me. Or things I thought were good. Some of the worse things in your life can come wrapped with a little bow on them, and that's what I had just found when I wrote this poem. I had just started opening my present, and that present when it was unwrapped all the way, effected me forever, I'm not gonna lie. But sometimes bad things happen, and sometimes good things happen. When I read this poem today, it gave me hope. And all these little things like this, these little presents, are starting to get rid of the big one. Even though that big present will always hide in my dresser drawer, I'm gonna pile the little ones right on top of it. I think that's how you have to look at this kind of stuff.*
It’s called waiting
When you feel it’s
All over and you
Want to give up again.
That’s called waiting.
-
It’s called patience
When you can’t
Feel anything but
The pain but you hold on.
That’s called patience.
-
It’s called heartache
When the whole
Left side of your
Chest is burning.
That’s called heartache.
-
It’s called love
When you don’t
Want to admit it
To yourself that
You’ve got strong
Feelings.
-
That’s called love.
And it’s called life.
All the waiting
All the patience
All the heartache
And all the love.
That’s called life.
-
So darling,
Don’t you give up.
You’re dreams are
Right within your grasp.
Just when it hurts to reach,
Stretch a little farther.
I promise it gets better.
-
That’s called faith.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,022 Literary Works • 672,752 Reviews
Hey Suzette,
This poem is honestly so realistic and wonderful. The parallelism is absolutely flawless and really strengthens the message. One little thing: the "You're dreams are," should be "Your dreams are,". I especially enjoyed the strength and determination demonstrated at the end of this piece. Marvelous job! Keep writing!
groganbabygirl
Thank you so much!
Hey there!!
Alright, as a fellow I'm-in-a-dark-place buddy, I could relate to the idea of this poem, both what was on the surface and the subtle notes. Everything good comes with a price, and it's hard to balance sometimes. Burying it isn't always the best idea, but the best option when limited.
Anyhow, I agree with 1998 that in some places, the poem is choppy. Like some of my first free verse poems, you use a sort of "broken speech" pattern, with pauses you might make naturally while trying to explain something to someone in an endearing way. It does make the poem difficult to read in some places; my eyes kept going right when I should have looked down to the next line. If that makes sense...
I couldn't find an grammar errors or spelling mishaps, so congrats on that
Again, though, I really do like the concept of the poem. It's one of those things that, even if you don't know the author personally, you can relate to it, draw hope from the words, and keep them close to you when you feel lower than usual.
Thanks for sharing! It made my day
Happy writing~
I'm gonna be honest.
The way you have some of your stanzas set up made it a little hard to read, but I get your point. I'm glad that this was the first thing I saw when I came on YWS today, even though I'm in school, at the moment. I should probably get working soon...Meh.
But that's not the point. The point is that you did a good job. Keep it up, Suzette. I hope to read more of your work sometime.
-from a fellow writer 1998