Like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
You better learn, I have two sides
One is dark with fright
The other is happy, filled with light.
But I found a girl,
She's such a pearl.
She doesn't want to live,
But she has so much to give!
I didn't mean to fall for her,
But love came like a soft whisper.
I just wish I could call her mine,
I just want our fingers to intertwine.
But our love would be like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,752 Reviews
This. Is. Amazing.
A quick review! Do I need to introduce myself... I mean, I don't think so xD Anyways, same routine. Likes and suggestions!
Likes; I love how your poem starts off with a low tone, than explodes with emotions, and finishes out slowly yet strongly. Also, obviously, I love the reference to Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde.
Suggestions;
In the rest of you poem, the punctuation is flawless. These first few lines, though, are missing several commas and periods.
I hope this helps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sincerely,
SecreteJournalist
AKA
Brie
HI! EmeraldLinks here for a review!
I just want to say I just LOVE the story of dr.Jekyll and Mr. Hyde!
This Halloween I had to dress up as Mr. Hyde, LOL!
I really like how you described the two of them.
Also, I need to point something out
"Like, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde"
Correcting!
"Like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde"
Don't think there's supposed to be a comma there.
Thanks for writing this AWESOME poem!
Thank you!
Hey there! So, I saw the title and was like... "I have to review this". I have not yet watched this, nor do I have much background information on Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde... but for my Media Studies short production piece, we had to promote a crime drama in some way. Mine was a psychological thriller/horror billboard and based off of the whole two sides thing. So... yeah!
Anyways, onto the actual reviewing, ey?
I really like the first third of the poem, and your rhyming works really nicely.
Firstly, you don't need that comma after "Like" because you're saying that "like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde... I have two sides." which is referring to the pair in comparison to someone else.
You could do with a full stop after "...sides."
The last two line of this part were really cool, I liked them a lot.
Now, sadly, your rhyming starts to appear forced, like you were trying to make the rest of it rhyme just because your first few lines did.
I've highlighted the words which seem forced. Take another look at them yourself, do you think you could've maybe reworded it a little? Think about it: you're portraying one person, in comparison to Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, yes? You say the narrator has two sides, so why not show this in your lines? Maybe alternate between he sides... It's just an idea, but it solves the apparent forced rhyming and further incorporates the idea of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.
Now, the last two lines here! I loved them. You ditched the rhyming and it worked well. So... well done!
"...mine" and "...intertwine" yet again sounds forced... but I can see why you've used these words together.
Overall, this was quite a cool poem... and a nice one too. I liked it so I think I'll go read a few of your other stuff.
Happy YWSing,
-Clarity.
Thank you!
Awesome poem!
First line of the entire poem. Grammar Nazi time!
It either should be
"Like, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde,
You better learn..."
You're supposed to use commas when you are saying someone's name in that way... yeah.
Or if you were trying to make it a simile,
"Like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde,
You better learn..."
And depending on which of the above you choose, you might need to add a comma to the next line.
The last sentence just sounds a little bit off. I felt a bit confused by it, and it just kind of irritated me to be placed at the end like that.
Thank you!