Stained Glass Life

It seem I have competition.

Nah, you don't have to worry about me.

Your poems blew me out of the water.

Hello! Here I am with my promised review!
I loved this poem, it was absolutely stunning. That said, there are a few things that could be fixed. First of all, the whole poem is a bit spacey, and that's just a weird thing of YWS. If you try doing "shift" + "enter/return" (like you're trying to do a capital enter) then you should be able to narrow the spaces between your lines and the reader won't have to scroll as much.

I love the first two stanzas. They were practically perfect. The one problem I had was that these things are outside, and the box seemed like it would be inside. I imagine that before this poem takes place, a voice calls to someone asking them to find them. I don't imagine that they go from outdoors to indoors, so maybe instead of saying that the box was "in the corner" you could say that it was in some location outside, or instead of saying the flower and tree, you could say too objects that are inside.

I have a problem with this part

Buried away in the far reaches of eternity

Is where you’ll find that.

And should you survive this endless endeavor,

Unlock that steel cage

Spoiler

Resting in your hands
Is a stained glass ball.
This is me.

Each seam,
A wound in my heart,

Hello DragonLily,

*Blushes* My Box Exercise inspired you to write this?! It's beautiful!! It captured my interest straight away! Not once did my attention linger! The start is simple but effective, and well written. I find nothing wrong in this piece at all! You've done a brilliant job.

Except a suggestion:
" Each seam,
A wound in my heart, "

Could be:
" Each seam;
A wound in my heart, "

But that's just a suggestion.
You've woven the words together, and the images are clear and your descriptions well written. I had vibrant pictures in my mind, and all of them beautiful. I love how the reader has to find a key to open a box they've found, and then they find the velvet case, and in the case they find the silk, then the glass ball. It's really well done!! Bravo! You are certainly a skilled writer, Lily.
Keep on keeping on!! (Always wanted to say that X3)

Basil.

Hello there, friend! First of all, I really really like this poem's concept. It's very poignant and I enjoyed reading it. My only complaint is that it seems like the poem loses its rhythm about halfway through. In the first two verses, there is a very obvious inner rhyme to it, that I liked very much, but as the verses got longer, you lost that. I would suggest possibly breaking the longer, later verses into shorter, more rhythmic ones? I think this would help you keep the reader's interest, and make it a much more fun poem to read.
Overall, I really enjoyed this! Keep writing, and good luck!

Hey, you requested that I review you and here I am. Sorry if this isn't as good as you wanted but had reviewer's block for a while. I am going to review this in sections.

Look.

Do you see me?

No, not the flower-

Soft and tender is she,

Beauty showing in every curve,

Every petal.

No, not me.

-This tells us that this isn't how you see yourself. It describes the flower but it doesn't describe you (or so you tell us)

Look again.

Do you see me?

No, not the tree-

So strong and proud,

Graceful, and held by the wind,

Solid and firm.

No, not me.

-Now you are saying that you aren't like a tree. This gathers up mystery (at least for me) about who you are

Look once more.

There, in that corner, see?

Now open the box-

But where’s the key?

Buried away in the far reaches of eternity

Is where you’ll find that.

And should you survive this endless endeavor,

Unlock that steel cage

And glance but once, if you dare.

And what will you find within?

A velvet case.

Reach inside, and take out-

A bundle of silk.

Unwrap it slowly, please be careful!

At last, at last,

Resting in your hands

Is a stained glass ball.

This is me.

-Finally we know how you see yourself as. But why lock yourself up with a key so far away and almost impossible to get? I like how you said to be careful.

Delicate, so fragile.

Speak softly, move slowly-

I break so easily,

Shattering beyond repair.

Don’t touch the shards,

They cut so ruthlessly.

-You are delicate and fragile, so easy to break beyond repair. A new incite on how you see yourself

Round and smooth,

A perfect circle-

No matter how far you travel,

You’re always here.

But let me go for just one moment,

And I’ll roll forever,

Always running away-

You’ll never catch me.

-More about yourself. Now we know if we hold you we should never let go.

This is me.

My life is a broken mess,

Carelessly strewn together.

But look one last time-

What do you see?

The sun casts rays upon the stained glass ball

And every color glows, radiant and shining.

Among this heap of shattered glass,

Can beauty rise with the sun, like the coming dawn?

-Ah, the final question, the one that makes you think. So does beauty rise with the sun? Well it is a matter of opinion and I saw yes. Everything is beautiful, some are just late bloomers.

Great job with your poem. I saw something wrong with it (well, they were already pointed out anyways) and it was beautiful. Good job.

~lost

Hello DragonLily, Cheetah here to review your piece for you today.

Wow, just wow. You blew me away with this. The way it was structured, it could have been prose, but this format suits it well. I loved the description and the way you associated yourself with the glass ball in so many ways. Well done!

There are only a couple small things I want to point out.

But where’s the key?
Buried away in the far reaches of eternity
Is where you’ll find that.

And I’ll roll forever,
Always running away-
You’ll never catch me.