Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.
Full Novel Synopsis: Sequel to 'The Spiralling', itself a sequel to the Kick-Ass (2010) movie. However, this novel can be read on its own. After Big Daddy died, Mindy was driven mad, subdued by Dave, and locked away in an Institute after killing all who she deemed responsible but Dave. Will she recover? What will happen next to a New York without her nor the Motherfucker? Elements of the Kick-Ass 2 (2013) movie and comic series will be taken in.
Chapter 10: The Kiss Part 2
“Yeah, I was hoping you could help me get a million views on Youtube.” He said, fast and aggressively. I could see mischief in his eyes, a smile that says it all. Something extended in his hand, a telescopic baton of sorts. Silver enough for me to taste steel in my mouth. With no time at all, he was onto me. I reached for my own batons, but he was faster. He went for it with a swing from below upwards, but I leaned out of the way, finally pulled out my own batons as I kicked the man with the telescopic baton back. They’d caught me at the wrong time. Just like most other times, I was grieving, and they’d pissed me off.
“I’ve handled worse than the two of you!” I shouted. I didn’t care how stupid I sounded, or how loud I was, whether I was attracting attention or not. As far as I was concerned, they were dead meat because they caught me with Mindy on my mind.
He took another swing at me, but I cross-blocked it, gave him another kick where it hurts the most in the male anatomy. Just as he was trying not to vomit, I brought my batons down on his shoulders, as hard as possible. Rage. Or heroic justice. Depending on your interpretations. His wrestler-type friend was still filming with his cellphone, but as soon as Telescopic Baton Guy hits the floor, he got the hint and lunged at me. His fist travelled faster than I thought, but that’s where my helmet came in. Next thing I knew, he was clutching his fist with his other hand, screaming bloody murder. I was secretly hoping he broke it.
Telescopic Baton Guy was no longer armed. He put up his fists, but he was getting scared. I swung a baton at his direction, but he swerved out of the way. Which was when I found out that his buddy didn’t break his fist on my helmet, as he brought the telescopic baton down on me. A blow, twice. I fell to my knees from the force, but my vest protected me quite well. That, and of course, my fucked up nerve endings and titanium plates. I could barely feel anything. Spinning around, I brought my batons on Singlet Guy, getting him in a knee and stomach.
But in the end, I was still one man and they were two. I could soon feel a foot on my back, the force bringing me down again, not that I was standing, but it ended there. Doctor Gravity to the rescue. He came in just in time from his adventure in the men’s room, swung his ‘Zero-G Device’ sideways at Telescopic Baton Guy. I could hear bones crunching as he fell backwards. No screams or wails yet, “Run, Kick-Ass, run!” Doctor Gravity beckoned me.
“I don’t run!” I gave him my intentions. I was still pissed off at my assailants. It became a 2 vs 2 situation, and Doctor Gravity was kicking ass admirably, for someone who’d never been in a fight before, who was a mere copywriter, an inch from a cosplayer and roleplayer. He was soon aiming blows at Singlet Guy, whose skull was crunching. The Zero-G Device did the trick. Another swing to his ribs and legs, and Singlet Guy, for all his size, was out of the game. Telescopic Baton Guy took two blows to the face from my batons and a few in the ribs and stomach, and he was following Singlet Guy to retreat, blood snaking down their mouth and nose, “Hey, what!? Not interested in a fair fight, huh!?” I hollered at the assholes as they ran with their tails tucked between their legs. Doctor Gravity, in the meantime, was pumped. With me as a witness, he’d won his first fight, and he didn’t end the day in hospital like I did.
But it was far from over. 3 more guys came down the road, and our opponents were talking to them. They knew each other, and they were all looking at us, “That is not a fair fight!”
“Yes, it is!” Returning my batons to the slots on the back of my vest, I got ready to pull my twin tasers like a cowboy in a Clint Eastwood movie. I could already envision the fight. I could shock out two of them, maybe three, then rough it out with the remaining two. They’d caught me while I was thinking about my grand finale with the Demoness (Complex), and five thugs weren’t shit in that frame of mind. I knew that I would get hurt, if I wasn’t already, but in a twisted way, I needed it to wake me up. Taking a brief peek at Doctor Gravity, I saw him backing away, held on to me by a thin thread woven by kinship shared by costumes, reinforced by naiveté and stubbornness. A crowd was gathering, taking videos or watching the impending fight like WWE.
They came running towards us, Hyborian raiders-like. Strength in numbers was likely on their mind. When they came within range, I drew my tasers and fired, the probes shooting out, sharp and out for nerves. Two men were caught on the sides. They froze like puppets strung up by their masters, started cursing high and low, trembling violently, dancing to the rock and roll in their veins. But it wasn’t a magic solution. I was open for the rest to dump their fists on.
“Look out, Kick-Ass!” Doctor Gravity, after presumably getting back his courage after watching two of them fall, came forward, swinging his Zero-G Device wildly, clipping one in the head near me. Didn’t stop the other two though, and one of them had a knife – the other was Telescopic Baton Guy, out for vengeance. I pulled off the spent cartridges on my tasers, but they were already landing hits on me. I blocked the knife with my arm, and predictably, my wetsuit wasn’t stab resistant. My vest was, and the plate inside absorbed the blow from Telescopic Baton Guy’s weapon well enough. For the first time in the day, however, I felt a little winded.
My answer to their question? I pressed my tasers on their chest and fired them up. Drive-stun mode, like branding cattle without the scarring bit. They backed away, and as they did, I threw my tasers to the side, pulled my batons out. My left arm bleeding barely registered. The crowd’s cheering. Doctor Gravity was actually doing quite well with his single opponent, his ‘device’ giving him a marked advantage, surprisingly enough. His thug had no weapons. But when he was done, the other two I tasered were getting up.
I started swinging wildly at Knifeman, never mind Telescopic Baton Guy. Somehow, one of my baton caught him in the knife hand – I heard something snap. I might have broken his wrist. A blow landed on my head, and I felt it through my head despite my double-layered protection. Soon, I could feel a hot rod through my back again, I thought I was bleeding in there. I swept the guy’s legs with my green batons, but he merely stumbled – I hadn’t been doing enough arm group exercises.
Doctor Gravity, on the other hand, was also in trouble, as Singlet Guy and Longhair had backed him away from me, isolating us. He was swinging his bat wildly (as usual), as if staving off dire wolves in a forest with a torch. Seeing my fellow superhero in need, I spent a split-second knocking Telescopic Baton down, bringing my batons down on his back as he was trying to regain his balance. He stopped moving after he dropped flat. Knifeman, on the other hand, was backing away, clutching his broken wrist. I didn’t bother with him – he could chicken out for all I care.
Rushing to Doctor Gravity, shoving a baton in the face of another gang member, I caught the two cornering Doctor Gravity, gave them a piece of my mind over the top, real hard ones. They weren’t expecting it, and so they fell. While they were on the ground, we made sure it remains that way, and the zip ties came in place soon after, not that they could move much to begin with.
By the time I turned around, Knifeman was already gone. The guy who I shoved a baton in the face was still on all fours, so I did the same with him – and Telescopic Baton Guy, who was still out cold like a drunkard outside a pub. All zip tied. Our names were in the air as we lined the felons up. Like in any typical movie, the police came after the action was over. We were nearly arrested, but with so much evidence for us in the form of videos and witnesses, we were let go. No questions asked. Even the police officers responding were on our side. Singlet Guy’s own cellphone video for Youtube alone told enough of a tale to make our case self-defence. Instead of getting a million hits in Youtube for himself, Telescopic Baton Guy made sure we did.
“That was crazy, Kick-Ass, you know that right?” Doctor Gravity said, but I wasn’t sure if I should read it straight, but he looked like an athlete who’d just set a new record, “Team meeting’s on Friday. I’ll email you the address. It’s an honor kicking ass with you, man!”