Thoughts

Hey, Runawaylove here to review your poem!

First off, the simple rhyme scheme and short length of the poem drew me. I really love the fact that you rhyme. Many people do not like it but I always try to rhyme in my poems.

Now, I think you should experiment with your rhyme scheme and increase the length of your poem. The theme of this poem is 'Thoughts' and it is a theme that you can write a lot about. So writing more would not hurt. And the rhyme scheme. the rhyme couplet make the poem seem more simple. It is not a bad thing but on the other side not a good thing either. You could use better words.

"Thoughts are things that go on and on your head,"

This line is confusing. There should be something before the words 'your head'.

I liked the little hint of biology that you used. Other than that this was a good read. Hope this was hlpful. Keep writing!

It's a very good attempt at penning a poem about the thought. We take our thinking process for granted. The brain and the thousand cells that do it may be the subject of biology, but this poem has shown how it plays a vital role or rather the connection to our everyday activities.

Yor should be Your - an omission.

However, I also think that the poem ends abruptly. May be more content in form of what more the mind does can be added. And the play of words could be made more poignant to evoke the meaning.

I liked the poem.

Hiya ^_^

Thoughts now this is an interesting thing to write a poem about

A few mistakes here and there but I make tons of them also
Only one that gives me a twitch is the third line "yor" hehe you know what you did there
Your loved one's name, the cause of your fame. I enjoy this part the most I feel this is where the poem came into its own.
I wish it was longer as it is a broad subject and you can write for days on this, maybe a part two or something titled thoughts 2

Anyway very charming in its own way I enjoyed the poem

JC

Hi there! Welcome to YWS and enjoy the site

So, to the review! I found this poem very simplistic and abstract by nature, which was quite refreshing.

However, your rhyme scheme was perhaps a little too simple. The overt rhyming couplets break up the poem and distract the reader. Rather focus on carrying over a special meaning, not keeping up with rhyme. Your lines seem to be at the mercy of the scheme, instead of caused by careful reflection. Rhyme should seem incidental.

You have some very simple punctuation that follows a monotonous pattern. Rather, add in dashes, semi-colons and colons to add to the meaning and strength of the poem itself. Try writing the poem out as a piece of prose and then formatting the punctuation, then re-lineating it as a poem. It might add more spice to the writing

Keep writing! You're doing great! And if you ever have any questions, or would like to chat, feel free to PM me

barefootrunner

Great poem! I love the descriptions and the emotion. I also love how its directed to the reader at the end. Great poem in general. Might like it to be a little longer but still amazing.

Hi! Yazi here for a review
Let me start by saying that "Thoughts" is an interesting idea that you've had and I'm glad you've explored it.
Okay, now the content of the poem:
1. In your first line, the sentence is not entirely correct, it's like there is a word missing, "Thoughts are things that go on and on your head". There should be the word "in" between "on" and "your head. Another thing that didn't quite sit right with me in the first line is your use of the word "things", that word sort of removes the depth you are trying to achieve.
2. The structure of the poem didn't really flow. Some lines were long and others weren't. Next time when you write a poem, you should try counting the syllables in each line. I do it everytime and it really helps whwen you try to get a smooth flow. I think if you don't focus too much on trying to achieve a rhyme scheme it might be easier to get the right flow.
3. "What's o. your mind?...let's be fair." Okay, so a couple of things on this line, there shouldn't be an ellipsis (triple-dot) after a question mark. The word "let's" should also begin with a capital letter.
Anyway, I like how you list the different thoughts that may "reside" in our heads. I like how you describe thoughts as if they were human beings, living as we do in their homes and in their rooms. I thought that was pretty cool!
I hope this is helpful to you and I look forward to read more from you!