Young Writers Society

What a cheerful poem. But this was genuinely eerie.
The rhyme scheme was nice. I like a work with a consistent rhyme scheme, and yours was original enough not to distract from the text.
Tiny little SPG here; after the penultimate verse you are missing a full stop. But I only noticed it third time through.
What you have done best here though is undoubtedly imagery. The very last sentence is a perfect example. Just taking "when dawn becomes hell," the comparison is amazing. When you say dawn the mental picture is centered around the colour red. This is warped from a beautiful red dawn the fire and brimstone of the second piece of imagery.
Take That You Fiend!

When I was reading this, each word felt powerful but coming from somewhere deep. The notion you provide the readers with is well-developed and supported, building up until the poem's conclusion.

Your form in the poem was suitable for this poem, as it gave the overall poem more impact as the rhythm of each word flowed (or for the most part).

There were some parts that did seem to stick out at me.

Who is better or worse?

It's her or he dies

Hi, I hope you don't mind me reviewing your poem.

In my opinion, this poem is very deep and I can see that this would relate to society. This relates to many teens with different problems. In this poem, it shows one person that lives with an unusual family any other can never have. The second person is shown how the whole world would cry as he is together and loved with the other that is a part of his life. The third person interprets how her heart is supposedly broken, and she ignores the happiness.

So again, this poem is great Keep up the good work!