Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
My iris shines a delicate violet. A sure sign of full magyce. Magyce being the higher form of magic. Magic is just petty mind illusions. Magyce is full on physical hurt. The water beside me flows silently. I am at a spring. The spring where the world began. The world of Ayliora.
The purple sparks of magyce fly between the two sparring partners. Gruya Valley Academy for the Magycinly Talented had just reopened.
The students are straining. Their eyes, sky blue, emanate a glow of determination. I stand on the side, waiting for my turn; the stage a pathetic strip of scaffolding.
I can't even believe they reopened. The classes are just in a big hall with canvas dividers.
And I'm hardly top of the class, so this situationisn't going to help.
"Taydenne, it's your turn to spar," Sir Yawum calls.
"Sir, my name is prenounced Tay-De-Anne," I say, "and yes, who is my partner?"
"Koray."
Okayyy...hmm, this is intriguing. On first glance, honestly this feels like neither a prologue nor a first chapter really, at least certainly not a complete one, this simply ressembles a rather small chunk taken out of a scene here. And with the sort of context that we've got from the teeny bit present here, it really isn't possible to say where in a scene this has been taken from here.
I think perhaps taking a second to see exactly what you want to fully convey with this piece would go quite a way to improving things here because as it stands this really isn't too much of anything and if you do intend this to be a fully finished piece, then this is far from sufficient.
As far as the little bit you do have finished here is concerned, I'd say it is a pretty solid piece, its just that you've gotta have quite a bit more here than just that if you want to really have a prologue or a first chapter. So, this seems like a fun start that could make for something quite interesting, but it needs quite some work before it can really become a piece in its own right.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 254788
Reviews: 4107
Donate