Please, please, don't say, what I think you're gonna say, the thought spreads in my mind, like a wave, filling every possible space.
"I-I just think we are better as friends..." she trails off.
"I get it," I reply.
"I just... wasn't feeling a connection."
How very cliche of you.
"Yeah." I smile, put on a facade of happiness, strength. The things I truly wish I had. Her black hair sways in the slight midsummer breeze. I pathetically look at her, stare. Her eyes shine, the best qualities shimmering in front of me, laughing at my loss.
Her friend, who has been watching this entire time, finds this moment the right time to talk.
"Well... I'm gonna go get a drink... Can I tell?" her annoying high pitched voice beams.
"Honestly, do you have to tell everyone? They can find out on their own," I say.
"Yeah, just..." she doesn't finish.
"You're mean,"
"And you're annoying," I defend the girl who just broke my heart. A clever move. Not. The girl gasps and I walk off, to see my other friends.
The sound of laughter, the sound off games and screaming in the school grounds, fills my head, replacing my earlier paranoia. My friends, Kara, Lock, Aimee, Jackson, and Keith are playing a game of four square. I smile.
"HI OLLI!" Kara screams.
"Heya," I reply, "Can I join?"
"Yeah, the line is... there," Lock points. I raise my eyebrows in appreciation.
My friends. The people who I count on. Just smile and after a while I forget about everything.
The trees sway and I hear the boys on the field playing rugby. Her words echo in my mind.
I-I just think we are better as friends...
I try to concentrate, but it doesn't work. Kara bounces the ball in my square, i try to hit it back, but I miss competely.
"I think I'm gonna go and see Kayla, or something..." I say.
"Okay, bye!" Kara shouts. I smile in a quick good bye.
The stairwell up to the second story classes, is empty. The hollow feel of it grips me, making everything spin. I rush up the stairs, to see Kayla. She is at the door, when I reach the top.
"'Sup, G," she says in a 'gangster' voice.
"Yo," I reply. We slap a high five and start a walk around the school.
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140,852 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Can you rate it because generally your stories are 16+ or 18+.
*edited slightly* please feel free to point out what i missed..
Olli
Great story, sad beginning and ending. In other words I loved it. No huge errors that The New Hero already pointed out. Keep writing and I'll keep reading, becuase I see this story going places. Thank you for read!
I agree with The New Hero. You should do what he says. I love this, really i want more!
keep typing!
Nike
WELL!
Smexx is here to review!
Staring with you Olli!
First...
This is obviously based on true life...
I think it was brilliant! So you!
B.U.T.
You need to explain where your character is, his surroundings...
You give to much ID's (Info Dumps) based on feelings...
Like I say...
Go wid da flo BRO!!! I know what u are thinking... I never say that...
luv ya,
Smexx
Quick one, 'kay?
I can't really review content so I'll just nit-pick:
At first I went ??? You should have a dash instead of a full-stop after strength.
This seemed a bit... Neeeef. I didn't get this. Who said what (Especially the "Yeah, just...")?
CAPITALIZATION? UNNECESSARY.
Otherwise... nothing else. This was okay but is this gonna be a story. And even if not, everything you write with characters in it should have the characters achieve something. What did this... "olli" boy achieve? Not much. Didn't even give us a thought. After he's just been laid down, I'm sure he'd have tons of thoughts. Hyperventilation possibly? Temperment? Welling tears that disappear when he plays four square? And that's it. Well done.
Fly On,
Hero.
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Hi, yo have been reviewed by TheNewHero. It seems TheNewHero has found it fit to give you this smiley face for welldoneness:
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