Dying to dream, we fall asleep,
Rendering the whole city powerless.
Everyone knows the rules, the laws
And the fact that dreaming is illegal.
Most people call it bull shit, but
If it's illegal, how do we run?
No one can stop them, no one can hide. So
Get ready, this is the last chance to dream.
Biffle
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139,503 Literary Works • 672,590 Reviews
Its an acrostic poem, the so is in the correct position
Wow Olli, I'm impressed!
1. It is a little bit vague, but if you want something that makes the reader think hard, this is it.
2.
'So' should be on the same line with ...'Get Ready..."
Other than that, I love this poem!
I love it. Its much better than my work.
I like this a lot. It's actually kind of deep. I only have a few nitpicks:
1. It's very well written, but also kind of vague. You should try giving the reader an idea of what you're writing about. Like in the first line, when you say: "Dying to dream, they fall asleep" you should say who's doing the dreaming and falling asleep.
2. When you say: "So...Get ready, this is the last chance to dream", you should put "So" on the same line as the rest of the sentence.
Overall, good job! It's well written and flows perfectly. Aside from the few nitpicks I found, it was very good.
Gee, Olli this is great!
So awesome and like you!
But you always use swear words in your stories and stuff. (especially bull shit)
So try not to or use a different one.
The completion of this poem is so good and the words match in a way I cant put my finger on it!
Good job!
~Smexx
xo