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by whatevr

Published April 8, 2010

In Writing

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Comments & reviews · 4
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whatevr
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whatevr commented Comment · Apr 8, 2010

Hi guys, thanks for the short reviews for my short piece!

1. I was trying to imply that the son, Kyle, gets his dad then the daughter, my MC, gets tte mom ghost.

2. As for the shortness, I'll work on it.

Thanks a BUNCH!!!!!

Bifflesocks

Esther Sylvester wrote a review Review · Apr 8, 2010

Hi there!

Okay, this was good but very, very short. In fact, it was so short that I got really no sense of what was going on. I liked the writing though, so good job with that. I think you should have told the readers how the main character got to the farm in the first place, to put some context in there. Also, what gender is the MC? (main character)

"You-you're supposed to be dead..."


Holy cow! I was totally not expecting that the MC killed her madre! That doesn't happen too often so bravo for originality. I think you should have put an exclamation in the sentence above instead of an ellipses. (...)

OVER ALL:

I liked it. Work on the descriptions and make sure to have more detail in future. Make the chapters bigger, but not too big or else they are too intimidating to read. Good job and post more!

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Lolo96 commented Comment · Apr 8, 2010

It's nice i really like it. I only whished you would have written the end in a more descriptive way, I mean the part in which her mum that asks her why she did it, so you are trying to say that her daughter killed her? Anyways its good!



Making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the complicated simple, awesomely simple, that's creativity.
— Charles Mingus