These cursed hands do take their toll,
As a sliver tongue prays silence.
A gift upon an unwilling soul,
Takes root and upturns violence.
The darkness from within speaks out;
Sheds light upon the masses.
The inner eye itself does shout
As each silver lining passes.
The inner workings of a mind
Can make any gift a curse
For an imbalance you shall find
With every blessed verse
To each blessing there is a cost
And this penance I cannot pay
With the soul within me forever lost,
In the darkness I shall stay.
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
the structure of this poem looks nice, as is the rhyming scheme and rhythm. the one thing I'm not too keen on is the 'generic-ness' of this poem. it's beautifully written and well-done, but I don't understand how it ties into your title. I think there could be some more overall explanation; some phrases seemed a bit overdone. but some might call that classic poetry, on the other hand.
this is honestly one of the better poems I've read recently. nice job.
~iron.n
The genericness is supposed to lend to the title, I'm sorry if it wasn't clear. The curse is the "silver tongue," which separates the writer from the masses. I tried to make it slightly cliche-ish to tie an old idea to a new one.
Hello!
I lovelovelovelove LOVE this! The rhyme and rhythms of the poem helped it flow. I also greatly appreciate the word choice you used in creating this poem. It really gave it a much greater impact on me, the reader.
As for critiquing... I really have nothing bad to say about this piece so keep up the good work.
I hope to see many more of your writings in the future.
~Elephant
Thanks! I appreciate a kind word
This was crazy good. haha Kinda gave me chills at certain parts. I think this is an amazing peace and well written. I think my favorite two verses are "Takes root and upturns violence." and "In the darkness I shall stay.". I really like the last one the best out of all of it. I think the poetry flows really well. I wish their was more to this! haha I just want to keep reading this, I love it that much.
~Bam
Hey there Kat here to review this poem.
No lie I googled the first stanza because I was like, this is definatley copied from somewhere , and it wasn't and I was like woah this is awesome. I love this poem ! I like how you said the darkness sheds light as a sort of oxymoron but you also mean it as an enlightnment and people seeing the truth and I also liked the simile in line two. ALSO the repetition of soul, bless, darkness , all add to the effect very well done. but why did you pick the title to be what it is?
Keep it jazzy~
Kat
In my family there is one person in each generation with the "writer's curse." That person in every generation has gone on to do great and wonderful things with their writing. Everyone is expecting that of me now, as I've been identified as "the one." However, I don't want to write for a living and don't seek the life of a tortured artist, even though it seeks me. If that makes sense.....
So the title ties in, especially with the line "as each silver lining passes" because each time I write something worthy, I remember that I'm still standing in the shadow (the darkness) of all of my ancestors before me.
Hey there Kat here to review this poem.
No lie I googled the first stanza because I was like, this is definatley copied from somewhere , and it wasn't and I was like woah this is awesome. I love this poem ! I like how you said the darkness sheds light as a sort of oxymoron but you also mean it as an enlightnment and people seeing the truth and I also liked the simile in line two. ALSO the repetition of soul, bless, darkness , all add to the effect very well done. but why did you pick the title to be what it is?
Keep it jazzy~
Kat
I am speechless...this is so beautiful, so well written and well put!! You are an amazing writer, I felt a connection with your poem, and that's what writing is all about, making a connection with your audience. Words can not express how much I love this poem. I can't wait to reading more of your work so keep writing. I really enjoyed this poem, so keep up the good work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you! I'm glad to hear that my writing speaks in more ways than one, and to more than just me.
I am speechless...this is so beautiful, so well written and well put!! You are an amazing writer, I felt a connection with your poem, and that's what writing is all about, making a connection with your audience. Words can not express how much I love this poem. I can't wait to reading more of your work so keep writing. I really enjoyed this poem, so keep up the good work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You have great rhythm! One thing I would say, is in the 5th line to the bottom (with every blessed verse) to make the rhythm flow nicely, only if you can, put a line over it so that it is a hard sound, but really, if you're reading it, it should come naturally anyway, it is just a visual clue and not aways possible to do on the computer. I love your varied vocabulary and your rhyming has a very natural feel to it, a quality which is quite difficult to achieve. I commend you for that! All in all, a very beautiful piece which I have enjoyed very much!
-Tate
Thanks for the tip! On my laptop this poem is 3 separate stanzas, but for some reason YWS won't let me do that!
No problem
P.S I meant put a line (-) over the e.... in case you were confused (look at Shakespeare's literature and you'll see what I mean 
Ah, an unreviewed piece I see. We should fix that, shouldn't we?
The very first thing I noticed about this poem was the structure and, in some weird way, that sort of stuck with me throughout the entire first, second, and third reading of it? Maybe because it mirrors the contents to a certain degree. The capitalization and perfect punctuation and so on whilst having a very free verse structure lacking in stanzas and meter. I find that interesting simply because, like the structure you chose, the poem also has this feel of being a slightly free verse while still playing on very particular imagery and word choices one might garner from something a little older.
Let me elaborate. The very first line states as follows:
The feeling of this is something very stiff, almost rigid in how it's written but not so much how it's structured. Old language, I'd say. Something that suggests it wants to be taken seriously by taking on an air, and by taking away the structure it's asking to be treated like contemporary poetry. I'm not to sure how I feel about this, as a reader. It makes for a very juxtaposing feel that I'm, quite frankly, not sure how I'm supposed to treat it.
On another couple notes, was sliver the word choice you were going for, or silver? Cause both give every different images. I'm also not too sure how I feel about the words 'pray silence'.
Regarding the poem's contents as a whole, I found that you seem to have a preference for certain styles of diction and aesthetic. You play on darkness, on light, and on the writer as a whole, and on religious dogma, but I found it very befuddled, sometimes getting lost within its own sentiments. You want to show distress and you do so with these sort of half sentences that don't really play on each other. Because of this, it was really difficult trying to pinpoint exactly what it was you were trying to say, or if you were trying to say anything. The aesthetic is one part of the great puzzle that is poetry. Without purpose, its difficult to write something cohesive.
My biggest piece of advice is to try and not get lost in said sentiments. It's really easy to lose yourself to a pretty phrase or a powerful set of words that seem aesthetically pleasing and prophetic at the time of writing them. Sometimes the most powerful pieces of poetry are the ones that strip themselves bare. Don't be afraid of getting rudimentary. Simplicity is a poets best friend.
You have a good sense of what you want to see. Now I'd like to see what you want to express.
~ Walker
So you're right about "silver" it's not supposed to be "sliver" (typo! thanks!). Prays silence is intentional, in that author (myself) prays for a day without the silver tongue (which is historical metaphor for writers). I disagree that the poem doesn't flow together, or that it gets lost. I will admit that it is abstract, but it does fit together. On my computer it is 3 different stanzas, but it wouldn't format that way here. I put a some-what decent description of it above under another comment if you're interested.