I wrote this very quickly, and have not edited it, so I'm really just here to see if it is worth keeping. I have not written in almost two years (as is evident by my portfolio) so when inspiration hit I almost didn't recognize it. I hope I still have even an inkling of talent left.
I fear the world as a fearful place,
For fear replaces peace.
A country founded under God
That lives in misery
Is setting itself up for disease.
A Government that lies and cheats,
All for the sake of "liberty,"
Yet labels its own people
The number one enemy
Is sacrificing freedom
For the sake of "Security."
Anyone who believes infants can run a country
Has obviously never seen one when it's hungry.
It's time to paddle our government
And say we won't put up with it
For the sake of our own peace, and our own liberty.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,408 Literary Works • 673,170 Reviews
I live in Scotland and I don't know very much on the shutdown in America, I do know a little however. So for me this poem hasn't hit me very hard at all. I'm sure many people from the USA will find deeper meaning in your poem than myself. Having said that I did enjoy the poem and felt it was a good portrayal of society as a whole.
For me this was one of the best lines in the poem. I felt that it was written rather smartly and did have a very good effect on the poem. All in all I cannot really say much that hasn't already been said.
I did enjoy it and could feel the emotion behind it. Great job!
Hi wewinwelose, Dream with review on your poem.
Your poem highlights how politics and government ostensibly just pretending for the sake of liberty and security for the people.It's a bit about religious when you say 'A country founded under God'. I wonder Why does you involve divinity in the poem that speaks of political malfunction. Perhaps to say that 'this land belongs to our God, but the government ruled this place with the desire of intrigue and you have the right to defend / make your own destiny?'
Your poem has its own strength of expression that raises the spirit of patriotism / courage and wish to uphold a 'sacred' justice.
Overall, you have a very nice poem to read here. You may add a punctuation in some lines just to make the rhythm flow smoothly. Keep it up!
Kudos,cheers.
A country founded under God is in our Pledge, and a part of our culture. That's what it's supposed to say. America has "under God" in 3 of it's founding documents.
I see^^ Sorry I don't know about that!
That's okay! Thank you for taking the time to read and review my work
Hey!
I hope I can be of some help.
I liked this poem, although the fact that I'm not American probably means that I'm not as affected by it as others may be.
But saying that I still really enjoyed this poem. As it also speaks about the world in general and the state of politics everywhere.
As for whether you still have talent, don't worry, you have heaps!!
Now to do some reviewing.
To be honest I don't really have much to critique in way of grammar, punctuation and whatnot. It was well written.
I liked your use of rhyme, it wasn't forced and also wasn't the main centre piece of the poem. Meaning that you didn't realise it rhymed until after you finish reading it, it simply flows. Whilst there are bits where it doesn't rhyme, they also flow too, so good job!
I like how you have used phrases and sayings that many politicians have used such as 'security' and 'for the sake of liberty'. Except you have changed them to have their own meaning. Adding the extra depth and meaning to the poem.
Basically, you have written a good poem with a message that many people (politicians especially) need to hear.
Good job and please continue writing!
Nargles xx
Thank you! I appreciate you taking the time to give positive feedback
.
Again, I have not written in about two years and therefore am completely lost in the new style of the website, so I apologize that this is not formatted correctly, I will learn eventually!