*This story is underneath my folder titled “Zeze and Zuzu the clowns”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]”. Enjoy!*
Carter rubbed the back of his neck and watched the other kids asking each other out. It was recess time on Friday and the school’s spring dance would be next Monday, so everyone was anxious to ask somebody out.
Well, not everyone, actually.Some were sitting on benches, watching it all like him, or doing their own thing, like playing with each other or just having a conversation with one another.
Andrea was sitting on a bench, all alone, nobody to keep her company.
It was Carter’s chance to ask her out to the spring dance. His one chance to really have a chance of getting to know her more, a road to certain, complete happiness, if only she said yes.
Carter took a deep breath.
There was no turning back. He had to do it.
……………………………………………………..
“Did someone ask you out?” Carter asked when he was facing Andrea. It was the first thing that came to his head. Although she didn’t talk much, there was the likely possibility that someone already asked her out. In which, Carter’s efforts were useless.
Andrea looked up at him.
“No. Why?”
No. No one asked her out. It was his chance, the movement of truth. He sat next to her, so that he was really facing Andrea.
“Andrea, will you go out to the dance with me?” Carter asked.
It came out of his throat! He didn’t think it would, he thought that the words would get stuck inside of him, but they didn’t. No, they didn’t. The dreaded yet necessary question came out of his throat!
It didn’t matter whether she said yes or no, at least he asked the question.
“Yes, I will.”
“You will?” Carter asked. She said yes? She wanted to go out with him? It was exactly what he wanted, but somehow, he was still expecting her to say no, her to either laugh at him or look at him like he grew five extra heads. He was feeling quite happy that she said yes, but still, he expected the worst. He wanted to be prepared.
“I will.”
“G-Great!” Carter said, stuttering. He got up, about to run away, but Andrea got up and grabbed his wrist, stopping him. He could have yanked himself away from her, but he didn’t have the heart to do that, so he stayed and she said:
“Don’t go, I don’t know your name!”
Oh, right. She still didn’t know his name.
“It’s…it’s Carter!” He sputtered out before running off, already feeling the white-hot heat of embarrassment creep up on him, the second thoughts ready to taunt him.
He did it. He asked her out. She said yes. She might love him, she might just be trying to be nice, but the important thing was that she said “yes”. There was a chance.
Carter would make the school dance all the more magical just for her.
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Hmmm I'm not sure why this is not in the Green Room despite having only 1 review? I would have never found this if you hadn't linked it in the other story @.@
Carter's beginning feels a lot more solid, the sentences flow better
I'm starting to feel like this sentiment should be way more common:
Like, if you want good things to happen, you do need to have the courage to reach for them!
Aww the last sentence of this story doesn't give me this ominious feeling. Maybe Andrea is right and the evening will just be magical and wonderful?
It will be. That is because they are not adults yet.
Glad you enjoyed!
Hey! Having review your other story, I now want to review this one too. And having read the lore in between these two reviews, I am both eager and terrified at what comes next.
But first, my thoughts on this story.
Firstly, I like this version much better then the other one because it feels much more genuine and conversational then Andrea's POV. I especially thought the portrayal of Carter's nervousness and fear that Andrea was already taken was excellent.
I love the build up, where you can see that he's kind of struggling between his nervousness around Andrea and his wish to ask her out. And then he just does it all of a sudden, and his surprise is palpable that he actually managed to say it out loud without stumbling. One thing, though, is perhaps in order to add on to the atmosphere and tension, there could be a sentence in bewteen these two lines that describes how he's thinking in his head about whether this is a good idea or not.
"No. No one asked her out. It was his chance, the movement of truth. He sat next to her, so that he was really facing Andrea.
“Andrea, will you go out to the dance with me?” Carter asked."
It didn’t matter whether she said yes or no, at least he asked the question.
“Yes, I will.”
“You will?” Carter asked. She said yes? She wanted to go out with him? It was exactly what he wanted, but somehow, he was still expecting her to say no, her to either laugh at him or look at him like he grew five extra heads. He was feeling quite happy that she said yes, but still, he expected the worst. He wanted to be prepared"
Same goes for here. Something could describe how Andrea reacts to that question before "Yes, I will." to add on to the feeling. Like maybe, describing her face as surprised or happy.
The rest of the story follows about the same line as Andrea's POV, but I like that you included how he felt in detail when he was trying to run away. It makes the story feel a lot more relatable to anyone who's asked someone out before and had those doubts (though I can't testify because i'm too chicken).
Keep writing.
- Vict
Very glad you enjoyed and thanks for the suggestion!
This is honestly so wholesome. They way that he was so focused on her and the question he forgot she didn't know is name is a really cute detail. It brought back memories of asking out a boy in my grade for the spring dance. I NEED to see more of your work! Keep it up!
Thank you!!
Thank you!!
Thank you!!
Here are some other stories that connect to this:
Zeze the clown’s origin story
Zuzu the clown’s origin story
The freedom of the ghosts
May 12th, 1962: The deaths of Hadrien and Drystan
Halloween of 1973
They met their end in 1978
Exploring the clown house in 1984
Swimming in the pool
When Andrea and Alessia met
Andrea’s poem
Carter’s poem
Andrea and Carter will become Zeze and Zuzu the clowns in the future!
This is the cutest and sweetest thing I've read today. It takes me back to my dancing days, and now I'm picturing my kids at the school dance. This makes it all the more nostalgic. The dialect was right on the money and set a perfect scene. I truly enjoyed this.
So glad you enjoyed!
Sure did
Here are some other stories that connect to this:
Zeze the clown%u2019s origin story
Zuzu the clown%u2019s origin story
The freedom of the ghosts
May 12th, 1962: The deaths of Hadrien and Drystan
Halloween of 1973
They met their end in 1978
Exploring the clown house in 1984
Swimming in the pool
When Andrea and Alessia met
Andrea%u2019s poem
Carter%u2019s poem
Andrea and Carter will become Zeze and Zuzu the clowns in the future!
Here%u2019s the actual stories linked lol:
Zeze the clown’s origin story
Zuzu the clown’s origin story
The freedom of the ghosts
May 12th, 1962: The deaths of Hadrien and Drystan
Halloween of 1973
They met their end in 1978
Exploring the clown house in 1984
Swimming in the pool
When Andrea and Alessia met
Andrea’s poem
Carter’s poem
I am so amazed by these. Thanks!
You%u2019re welcome!