*This story is underneath my folder titled “Zeze and Zuzu the clowns”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]”. Enjoy!*
Carter played with a crumb of an eraser on his desk, unaware of the world around him. It was the same thing every day, so why bother to listen? The only person worth listening to in class was Andrea and she already read her poem, so really, what was the point and-
“Carter Turner! I want you to read your poem!” Mr. Dankworth said.
Carter blinked back into reality. He was in ELA class; they had to make their own poems.
He…he had to present. No matter how much he tried to avoid it, reading his own words aloud in his class was inevitable. He’d have to rip his words out from his heart under the scrutiny of his class.
Carter swallowed hard and looked at the piece of paper on his desk. It was hastily written, but he had to say the words. Hopefully Andrea wouldn’t laugh at him.
“W-w-when t-t-the…butterflies…c-c-c-rumble…all will…die
T-t-the w-w-world will…will fade
And n-n-no o-o-one will fly
So t-t-take c-c-care, child
Don’t cry”
Carter sighed in relief. Reading his poem felt like he was climbing mountains. He liked what he wrote, but he didn’t want to read it to the whole class. He kept stuttering until the last line. Everyone heard him.
A good handful of kids were giggling. Of course they were giggling, he messed up.
But at least Andrea wasn’t. That brought Carter some kind of comfort. Andrea just watched with sad green eyes, as if she were disappointed in them all.
“Good job, Carter. Thank you.” Mr. Dankworth said.
“You’re welcome.” Carter mumbled.
A few kids were still giggling.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hi creepy. Trooping on through the green room so I'm back once again for revmo and Team Tortoise
You have a comma splice here. I'd just add a "so" after the comma, or you could add a semicolon, or just reword the beginning.
A truly awful name lolol
Another comma splice. It might also be nice to see what ELA means, maybe in parentheses if nothing else.
Assuming this is talking about speaking in front of the whole class, the "had" should be have.
Same Carter. Same.
Heh. The poem was a little strange, but honestly doesn't necessarily seem like s topic kids would understand and laugh at. However, I suppose they would laugh at his stutter. Good for Andrea not laughing. It would have been nice to see the teacher stand up and shut that down :/
~Messy
Glad you enjoyed this. Idk if you%u2019ve ever experienced this but %u201CELA%u201D is just an acronym for %u201CEnglish Language Arts%u201D in a classroom setting. And as for the teacher%u2019s last name? I googled old English last names that weren%u2019t used anymore or are just rare and picked that one.
Nice story!
Thank you! ^v^
I think you did a really good job encapsulating Carter with him being distracted by the pencil eraser. The fear of public speaking is real. It is so much worse when you have to read your own work. I like the line "He...had to present". The word present feels like it is used in two different ways. like actually being in the moment and also having to present to the class. I can't tell if Carter normally stutters or just does it for this reading. Great job.
I%u2019m glad that you enjoyed this!