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12+ Violence Mature Content

Alice and the aliens: Part Six

by vampricone6783


*This is part six of my series “Alice and the aliens”. This story is underneath my folder titled “Alice and the aliens”. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy!*



“Where is Captain D9302? Tell us, or I eat your arm!” B392 commanded.

Alice and the others had taken Evanna hostage into their spaceship. Evanna was tied up by cogs and wires, dirt covering every inch of her face.

B392 wanted to kidnap Evanna for information, but Evanna looked up at B392 with eyes that said she wouldn’t budge, and said:

“Not in a million years.”

B392 grinned with jagged white teeth. Alice felt a chill crawl down her spine, but said nothing.

“Fine then! Dinner time for me!” B392 said gleefully.

Alice covered Melissa’s eyes before she could see B392 gorge herself on Evanna’s right arm, Evanna biting down her bottom lip to stop herself from screaming.

……………………………………………………..

“I can’t believe she just…did that.” Muerte said, absolutely shell-shocked.

It was a few minutes after B392 had eaten Evanna’s arm. B392 was leading the spaceship as though nothing happened, humming softly to herself.

“It’s fine, I’ve eaten worse.” B392 said, dismissing Muerte’s concern.

“She ate a bunch of space rodents once.” A2614 quipped.

“But why?!” Alice asked, confusion swimming within her. Rebecca, Muerte, and even Sage, the space vampire, had expressions of disgust in their eyes. Only Melissa seemed disappointed, but that was because she didn’t understand just how horrible the sight was.

“Ask not why I ate her arm and why Evanna herself didn’t even protest.” B392 said.

Well then, that leaves more concerning things to wonder about. Alice thought.

But perhaps B392 was right. There were worse things to think about, and her eating the arm of a war prisoner wasn’t one of them.

Like, for example, the pink fire ball headed straight towards them.

Wait, the pink fire ball?

“It’s one of my own! Wait right here, I’m going to save her!” Sage cried out, opening the bottom door.

What now? Alice thought, watching helplessly as Sage floated towards the pink fire ball. Alice could breathe on the jelly planet, but she wasn’t sure the same would go for space itself.

……………………………………………………..

“Everyone, meet Victoria, a space vampire who has left D9302’s army!” Sage declared.

Sage had just gotten back from retrieving the mysterious pink fire ball, which turned out to be a little blond girl with green eyes in a long crimson dress. The girl-Victoria-fidgeted with her gray cape, surveying her surroundings carefully.

Just like how Alice held Melissa, Sage was holding Victoria close, like a sister. Sage never said that they were sisters, but she did say that Victoria was also working with D9302 in the past, so that must have meant that they were both close.

Victoria didn’t look like she would cause much harm, but that didn’t mean that she wouldn’t. Alice would keep an eye on her, as she was sure that the others would, too.

But for the time being, Alice looked out to space, thinking of all the other ghosts out there that needed to be saved.

Ghosts that yearned to pass on like Jasmine, Antionette, and Giselle.


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109 Reviews

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Sun Jun 23, 2024 2:12 pm
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goodolnoah wrote a review...



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Hello there, one of King Koopa’s loyal henchmen, here!

Hello again! ~ Writing Commentary

“But why?!” Alice asked, confusion swimming within her. Rebecca, Muerte, and even Sage, the space vampire, had expressions of disgust in their eyes. Only Melissa seemed disappointed, but that was because she didn’t understand just how horrible the sight was.


First off, I like this little description, it really personalizes the horror of these creatures. The whole “I’ll eat your arm” was kind of funny at first to me, just the pure absurdity of it. When it comes to the actual eating of the arm, it becomes clear that both sides are willing to fight violently.

Just like how Alice held Melissa, Sage was holding Victoria close, like a sister. Sage never said that they were sisters, but she did say that Victoria was also working with D9302 in the past, so that must have meant that they were both close.


This is good! I really like the parallels that you’ve seemed to be showing thus far. Perhaps an underlying message that we are all the same and all have feelings regardless of war, greed, or hate? Just a little speculation~

Mmm…Yummy Arm… ~ Closer

Awesome chapter!




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Wed Jun 19, 2024 4:55 pm
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EllieMae wrote a review...



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Well hello there, friend! Ellie back, once again to leave a review on this chapter. Let's just get right in to the review!!

Where is Captain D9302? Tell us, or I eat your arm!” B392 commanded.

Alice and the others had taken Evanna hostage into their spaceship. Evanna was tied up by cogs and wires, dirt covering every inch of her face.


As always, what a wonderful start to this chapter! You catch my attention right away saying, tell us or I will eat you arm!!! What a command! This zaps me right into this story and makes me excited to read more :D

“It’s fine, I’ve eaten worse.” B392 said, dismissing Muerte’s concern.

“She ate a bunch of space rodents once.” A2614 quipped.


These should be rewritten with commas instead of periods. For example, "It's fine, I've eaten worse," B392 said, dismissing Muerte's concern." But besides that, the dialogue looks great.

“I can’t believe she just…did that.”


And there should be a small between the ... and the word did, to make it look like "... did"

Besides those small little edits, which I would suggest, this chapter was great. I enjoyed the characters, plot, dialogue, and details that you included. Overall, lovely work! Keep on writing 8)

Your friend,
Ellie

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Mon May 06, 2024 10:37 pm
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Inferno wrote a review...



Hello, my fellow writing friend!


A Little Skimming - First Impressions
I just want to say it now, I didn't read the previous chapters of this, so I am not thoroughly informed on how the plot is going. So far, I'm loving it! This is like Halloween, sci-fi, action, gore all packed into one story! How you manage to do that, I will never know. This made me laugh, squirm in disgust, clench in suspense, and shriek in absolute terror. This story emitted so many emotions and feelings.



Love it! - Parts That I Like
Wow. Where do I start?
First off, I loved the humor you added in. It really gave it a much-needed spice.

It was a few minutes after B392 had eaten Evanna’s arm. B392 was leading the spaceship as though nothing happened, humming softly to herself.

“It’s fine, I’ve eaten worse.” B392 said, dismissing Muerte’s concern.

“She ate a bunch of space rodents once.” A2614 quipped.

It's so comical how ignorant or careless B392 is. She thinks Muerte is worried about HER. She just leisurely talks about biting off one's arm like she does it every day. Wait... does she? :O I really enjoyed reading that.

Like, for example, the pink fire ball headed straight towards them.

Wait, the pink fire ball?

At this part I was chuckling and scratching my head, like "Ha ha! Wait... what?" That part, I feel like, was a genius sort of humor. Bravo!


Just A Tad Off... - Errors and Corrections
This was a close-to-perfect masterpiece, I just thought it was a tad short. It was a good read, but it only took me about a minute to finish it. Maybe you could add more descriptions to lengthen it up a bit, or even combine multiple chapters into one. Use personification and descriptions to add an extra zing! to it. This story is all prose and no poetry.


Salutations! - Final Thoughts and Goodbyes
In general, I loved reading this story! Be sure to keep writing, and tag me on the next chapter!
Inferno :smt023




vampricone6783 says...


Glad you enjoyed! I%u2019ll tag you!




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