Roses

Okay. Well. I don't think I can compare to those reviews I can see below. This one is short and sweet. Especially since I need to go watch my many siblings *groan*.
This is really something. The use of metaphors to tell this story of a relationship and how it's so beautiful yet hurts you.
I really like the lack of capitalization and punctuation. It creates a feeling and a vibe that you can't get without it.

never have I reasoned how you don't respond
or choose your friends over me

It's something so simple that hits you hard. Especially if you've had this happen. It turns words into something person that you care about. Suddenly these words mean something and that's what you want.
One thing I've got to say is that I find it a little jarring that there isn't any punctuation until the very end. I can see why you'd do that but from a reader's POV it's a little odd.

All in all I really like this and I relate a lot

Hey, Hop!

Wanted to hop on over and review this gorgeous poem! : D Generally, when I review poetry, I go stanza by stanza, and then I discuss the overall implications and themes. However, since this poem is all one stanza, I'm going to do my best to break it up into the different thoughts or beats of the poem without interfering with the rhythm.

Stanza by Stanza:

being together is like holding a rose
admiring the beauty and the sweet aroma of the petals
too distracted to feel the thorns stabbing my hands

First off, I'm clocking the lack of capitalization and punctuation. It offers a soft and, dare I say, wilted feeling to the poem. I appreciate that being together is like holding a rose. When someone is together with someone else, the thing they are holding is this new thing--them together? This combined thing that doesn't exist separately with either parts, and if they were no longer in a relationship, it would not be the same, even if they happened to physically be in the same place.

The rose, then, is the relationship itself, if we're extending that metaphor, and not necessarily the narrator of the poem or even the person they're referring to. The rose is the abstract and metaphorical "relationshipness" that is super hard to capture in words.

I do want to ask why you've chosen not to include punctuation in here. I only say this because at the end, you do have a period, and I wonder if a comma after "petals" might make it easier from a reader perspective? If you want the reading experience to be slightly muddied and a little vague though, I think no commas accomplishes that perfectly. It makes it feel--liminal, I guess?

The third line refers to the narrator being taken in by the beauty of the rose's petals (the upsides of the relationship?) and ignoring the pain it causes. Actually, not even ignoring the pain, but simply not registering or feeling it. Rather than overlooking red flags, the narrator is telling us they didn't see them at all.

i only notice how you remember anything I've said
and compliment me every waking moment
never have I reasoned how you don't respond
or choose your friends over me

Okay, next chunk!! The petals here are someone being thoughtful and remembering past conversations, as well as compliments. We're still continuing with the metaphor of looking at the rose, of course. I REALLY love the first line in this section. I think it's the use of "only" contrasted by such an all-encompassing word like "anything." You're playing with some dichotomy and contrast that makes the line stand out.

It's only because of how strong that line is that the next line feels a little bland in comparison. I wish that it made me visualize something. I want more of the cool metaphors tied in of the flowers--even a single adjective that usually references a flower could help! I'm not sure what exactly that would be, but it's just something you could think on!

Again, here's another moment that I do think punctuation could be helpful for comprehension. It would be a period after the second line, this time, if you chose to include it, because of the grammar. I think I also want a little more information on the "don't respond." I can intuit that it likely means texts, but given that the narrator already said this person is really good at remembering and acknowledging everything they're saying, it feels like it doesn't completely add up. Maybe a little specificity could help to clarify that confusion.

The choosing friends over the narrator also works really well. It hits close to home for me, so it's possible that I'm biased because I immediately understood exactly what that line feels like and means, but if someone else reviews and says that they would like more detail, you might wanna trust them more than me, since I am biased! XD Again, there could be a period after this or a stanza break, but not necessary.

at first we were daisies
now we're white roses painted red
you go off not knowing a thing
while I sit there, waiting till we wilt
now our flower is dead.

I LOVE "at first we were daisies." I can't explain it, but I love love LOVE it. I doooo kind of want more information on it though? When the narrator says they were daisies, what do they mean by that? What's the metaphor of a daisy vs. a rose? I'll also point out that before, the relationship was the flower, but now, the people are the flowers. I'm not bothered by it, but just something to keep in mind if you're worried about consistency.

The white roses painted red feels like a reference to Alice in Wonderland and the Queen of Hearts. I'd love a little more imagery or explanation here though. The thing that comes to mind is the narrator has already mentioned being pricked by the thorns-- maybe the roses are painted red by the narrator's blood? Something to think on!

"Not knowing a thing" also hits HARD. I REALLY love it. Cannot emphasize enough. The narrator is distraught, as we've seen throughout the poem, and the other person is completely oblivious, even though they supposedly listen and support to anything the narrator says or does. It really shows how the narrator is biased towards them, even as they're struggling with feelings of hurt.

Here's a controversial opinion that you can take or leave, depending on your preference. I honestly think the poem could do without the last line. It feels like the implication is that the flower is already hurt, or at the very least, hurting the narrator, and I think "waiting till we wilt" is a stronger gut punch to end on than "now our flower is dead." You can think about it, and it is, of course, your poem. Just wanted to throw that out there as a suggestion.

Overall Thoughts:

The narrative this poem tells is of a narrator who is struggling to come to terms with the fact that their relationship is actively harming them and how blindsided they are because they've only seen the positive things. (RELATABLE). I think that the poem is gorgeous and tells a really full story for how short it is. I would love to see some more imagery and more expansion on the metaphors you're playing with. When the narrator says they were daisies, what do they mean by that? How is that any different than being a sunflower, or a rose? I want to hear your thoughts and the symbolism behind it, maybe, which doesn't have to be in the poem, but I also think the poem could be even stronger if you added some of those elements.

I'd also just ask yourself why you feel like the lack of capitalization and punctuation are important to this poem. How does the poem change without them? I think it works great either way, but I also know there have been some trends in recent years of doing a bunch of poetry without punctuation and capitalization. I've written poems both ways before! They have distinctly different feels, and sometimes, one is better than the other. It's just a matter of being intentional about the decision to include or exclude punctuation/capitalization. Again, it works either way, just a different feel :]

In terms of the title, I think that it's simple and elegant and I really like it. I do wonder if maybe you could play around with it a bit? It could be that you use the title to expand the narrative. I think I'm drawn to poetry titles that change meaning after you read the poem. Something that, when you look back at the title, you go, "Oh, THAT'S what that meant." It's a personal preference, but I also just think it can be fun to play around with different thematic choices like that!

To Wrap Things Up:

I hope this review has been helpful to you in some way! I really like this poem, and it's been so cool to see you grow as a poet over your time on YWS! I know that you're only going to get better, which is amazing, because you're already very talented! If you have any questions about anything I've said, please reach out and I'll be happy to clarify, or just to talk about poetry in-depth with you if you wanted. :] I love nerding out on pieces I like.

Hope you're doing well, and have a great day!

~Winter

Hi. I'm reviewing using the S'more Method.

(GREETING & INTRODUCTION)

Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
(CONTENT - my impressions / interpretation)

My first impression is wow, this reminds me of my relationship with my father! But anyway, I interpreted this as a sort of memoir for like a failing relationship (I THINK memoir is the word...?)

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
(CONTENT - include specific suggestions)

This is TERRIBLE. TRY HARDER. (This is a joke I can't find anything to critique)

Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
(CONTENT - include specific praises)

I like the reference to Alice in Wonderland, the

now we're white roses painted red

I like that.

Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
(CONTENT & SIGN-OFF)

Um overall its good. Now I have to go mow the lawn in like one billion degree weather.



Goodbye mother.

Hey Hop! I really wanted to review one of your poems! I especially feel intrigued by floral-focused poetry, so I'm excited to write about my thoughts on this one.

Right away, the reader is introduced to a narrative about comparing a relationship to a rose, something beautiful, but dangerous, which expands (or should I rather say "blooms") throughout the rest of the poem.

too distracted to feel the thorns stabbing my hands

I love this line because it does perfectly sum up the dichotomy of emotions one person can feel when they're in love with someone bad for them. It's enchanting and the good aspects of the subject feel amazing, but underneath, there is something that they are doing that is hurting the one who loves them.

at first we were daisies
now we're white roses painted red

These lines give a sense of maturity from the narrator; it's the narrator reflecting upon the entirety of the relationship from beginning to end. Daisies paint a juvenile image, as they symbolize innocence and playfulness. White roses are more mature but still keep the white symbolism of purity. These white roses being painted red shows that something (like passion, blood, love, or hate) has covered what was once innocent. Really well done on this imagery.

you go off not knowing a thing
while I sit there, waiting till we wilt
now our flower is dead.

For this segment, I would have really loved to visually see a disconnect between "waiting til we wilt / now our flower is dead" because upon reading seems like a pretty abrupt ending to the poem. Even if the relationship referenced in the poem ended abruptly, I think either changing the format or including some sort of punctuation would help the flow of the poem better.

never have I reasoned how you don't respond

This one line tripped me up a little as I was reading, both in my head and aloud. I had to re-read it a couple of times to understand, and I think the word "have" is what is causing this confusion. I would revise the wording of this line just for clarification and flow sake!

Overall, I love this poem. Flowers, specifically roses, are one of those amazing symbols of love that poets ponder about and use in their art. This poem came and delivered the message beautifully and I enjoyed the vulnerable voice of the narrator throughout.
Great job!