treated like a devil
to never be trusted
our love was like glass
and i took a hammer and smashed it
yet you still collect the shards
and piece it back together
with your bleeding hands
bit by bit until we're whole again
my broken promise fills the gaps
of where the missing crystals used to rest
you fight for me, my roman soldier
refusing to give up even on the brink of death
no matter how i do you wrong
you still take me in
my toxicity washes your heart
and you gladly drink my poison
anything but let me go
no matter the bloodloss in our war
as you put all your soul
i watch the fall of my roman empire
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138,859 Literary Works • 672,349 Reviews
This is so melancholic i absolutely love it . Please keep on going !!🪴
guurl this is amazing!!!
🤓
Your poem is somewhat shocking. You describe the relationship as if you wanted to end it, destroying it, but only one person is willing to sacrifice themselves to take this relationship to the end, even knowing that it could be their own end. You self-destruct, in the good metaphor of the Roman Empire, but you let another person destroy themselves with you. It's sad, but it's real. I don't have much to say about the structure and writing methods used, as I believe yours fits perfectly into the idea of a short and cold poem.
I feel like this part could be rephrased a little. The “glass” metaphor is nice, but maybe it could show that the love was already fragile and could have fallen apart even without the speaker intentionally smashing it.
This poem represents how, no matter how badly you act or how much you hurt someone, your “Roman soldier” — your lover — still finds the courage to rebuild the relationship. That’s honestly really sweet, especially because the speaker acknowledges and understands the effort being made to keep them together. I also like how the Roman Empire metaphor carries through the poem and represents the relationship itself.
Though, I do think the effort should be mutual. One person shouldn’t always have to pick up the pieces and rebuild everything alone. Still, the fact that the speaker recognizes their partner’s efforts makes the poem feel self-aware and bittersweet.