No one noticed.
No one noticed when I started straightening my hair,
burning the curls out every morning just to feel like the version of me I thought they wanted.
⠀
They didn't notice how I stopped smiling in pictures
how I'd cover most of my face with the gold straightened curtain bangs
to hide the fact that I hadn't slept that night.
⠀
They never saw how my grin wasn't real, but more like a mask.
They saw how my laugh sounded genuine, like a small child on Christmas morning,
but my eyes, if only they looked at my eyes, they would see they told a different story.
⠀
They didn't see my grades slipping,
letters were dropping like leaves in autumn and I was too tired to go out and rake them
so now it's winter and the snow is covering the leaves and it's too late to rake.
⠀
They didn't notice I dropped sixteen pounds
or how I pushed my tray away and talked to them more,
and when they asked for something on my plate I would never say no.
⠀
Did they notice?
Did they care?
Do they care?
⠀
I wish they'd seen the tear stains drying on my cheeks
after nights spent staring at the ceiling wondering how I became the background noise
in my very own friend group.
⠀
I wish they'd seen how heavy my limbs felt,
how even dragging myself out of bed
felt like walking through wet cement.
⠀
I wish they'd seen I just needed an extra hand.
I just needed someone to pull me out.
Just someone to be there and hear my cries.
⠀
But they didn't notice.
They still don't.
Maybe they don't want to.
⠀
They want everything to stay easy.
They want me steady.
The one who listens,
the one who is there,
the one who fixes.
⠀
I'm their grounding,
their support beam,
their therapist.
⠀
Every day I hold their heartbreaks,
their arguments,
their secrets,
their lives.
⠀
I give and I give and I give,
pouring myself out until my cup runs dry.
And what comes back to me
is silence.
⠀
What if I just walked away?
Would they notice?
Would they care?
⠀
Maybe I'm just like a paper straw.
Used once then thrown away and forgotten about.
Never to be seen again.
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hey hop<33 this poem is really deep and really resonated with me. I love the metaphors, the "pouring myself out until my cup runs dry" really shows what you're meaning to say.... and of course the paper straw simile. this poem really made me feel things - sadness, most of all. I know that this is such a common struggle; giving everything and getting nothing in return. I truly hope it gets better for you.<3
also, I want to mention that the way you managed to make this poetic while also being about something hard in your life is very admirable.
Thank you Collin <333
(Omg you undied?)
YESS II WOKE UP
Hi hop! Saw this poem of yours and thought I'd drop by with a review :3 Now you probably know that I don't usually review poetry so bear with me if I get anything wrong. Lets get to it!
To start of I want to say that I really liked your title. Paper Straw is such an apt metaphor and honestly it is such a unique analogy. It's devastatingly perfect and it conveys your emotion wonderfully. Simply the the thought of being compared to Paper Straw instantly gives me insight into how you feel and this is commendable. Great job!
Starting off with a short clipped of line is very impactful especially when it's something as relatable as going unnoticed. All of us have at some point, felt unseen or unheard and thats why I love this starting. It immediately draws the reader in.
The repetition is also well done and I am very interested by the mention of straightening your hair. Firstly it can be taken in the literal sense, of you changing your appearance to be more conventionally attractive but I focus on the word 'burning'. Because that would imply this is not necessarily good for you.
You're not doing this because you want to, you're doing this because they want you to.
I find it interesting that you've continued with the reference to the hair here, and also with the idea or theme of being unable to care for yourself and them not noticing. You're not happy, you're not sleeping, and they should have noticed but they didn't.
Here again I see that you've continued with the reference to smiles or grins, which is usually the most visible indicator of happiness but in this case it isn't. Here it's an illusion to hide behind. I think this method of bringing down and continuing references to the following paragraphs is a very effective technique to give continuity to the poem. It gives it a nice sense of flow that reads very well.
I also really liked the mention about eyes. Eyes are the window to the soul they say and I like that you've brought that aspect in. Really plays on the thought that 'they' know you in a very superficial level, which is of course different to how you feel on the inside.
Not this paragraph I really like. This may just be my favourite in the entire poem. The imagery is just beautiful and I can vividly visualise everything. From a garden full of dry leaves to a person standing outside in the winter futilely staring at the snow covered ground wondering how to reach the leaves now. If it was even worth reaching the leaves now.
Aw hopsy <3 this hits hard, it really does. There's such a directness to this poem of yours that is so much more impactful that any form of subtlety or metaphor. It's loud, and it is here to be heard.
Asking question is a great way to draw in the reader, to bring them along with you on your journey. The questioning here is important because it shows that you have not blindly thought they are ignoring you, you've considered it, questioned it, you've thought about it. And that is important. Another thing I appreciate here is the difference between did and do.
It's a small but important distinction. This isn't just about the past but it's about now. Do they care now? and the italics just hits the emphasis home.
This is also so relatable <3 We all long to be seen, to be understood, to be comforted without having to ask for it. Here I think I see your first explicit correlation to the title. Background noise, like a paper straw, unnoticed. Especially impactful after the last paragraph.
The thing I liked about this part was the imagery of wet cement. If you step in cement it stays with you. It clings and you drag it everywhere you go, it stains everything you do it leaves a trail. It weighs you down.
I think the way you've chosen your metaphors in this poem are really lovely. They're unique and fresh. Simple and relatable but oh so very effective. Really, really well done, it is honestly something I can't help but admire. You've brought your point across in a very succinct non-cliche manner which is not easy to do.
This really brings across this feeling of being overwhelmed and exhausted. Like you're struggling and stretched thing and trying to contain and manage yourself but then this small little thing goes wrong (like you drop a glass of water or stub you'e toe) and suddenly you've broken down because it's the last straw that breaks a camels back.
A feeling I am unfortunately familiar with as I am sure so are you. Really emphasises how a little help can go a long way.
Ah. This paragraph is painful, it adds such a layer of intention that really hurts. They're not just oblivious, they're will fully oblivious. It's not they don't see, its that they ignore. The short lines really drive the nail home. It's impactful and as a reader you absorb it.
It's not just that they ignore, it's that their selfish. They're making this about them and that's the whole problem isn't it? The fact that this para is longer than the rest also sells the idea that the expectations are many and long. That it piles up. That it's heavy.
The expectations are not limited to one paragraph no it takes up three. What's ironic is that for someone who plays such an important role in their lives they pay painfully little attention to you. It's not care, it's more opportunistic, them taking you for granted.
The word I love you used here is silence. It's so definite, so final. After all we all understand how silence can be deafening. unanswered texts, calls, questions, requests, we all know how it hurts, how it stings, was I not even worth effort? We're all familiar with the anger it evokes.
I understand this para, I do. You start to wonder if they notice, if they care, you wonder how they would react if you didn't show up, how long it would take them to notice. The questioning is very effective because there are questions everyone must have asked themselves at some point, about someone.
The only suggestion I would give here is that you should forego these last two lines. It will be much more effective and impactful without them. Tell the reader about the paper straw but don't spell out what it means. Force the reader to pause, to think, to understand exactly what the implications of this would mean. Let them mentally run through the entire poem again, adjusting it to "Maybe I'm just a paper straw."
Overall I think this was a wonderful poem, simple, direct and very clear about the feeling it intends to convey. Never stop writing.
Remember that everything expressed is my opinion, so take what you find helpful and leave the rest! If you have any questions or clarification feel free to reach out!
~ canopy
Wow, that's hard. So relatable tho. Keep em coming
hey hop<33 this poem is really deep and really resonated with me. I love the metaphors, the "pouring myself out until my cup runs dry" really shows what you're meaning to say.... and of course the paper straw simile. this poem really made me feel things - sadness, most of all. I know that this is such a common struggle; giving everything and getting nothing in return. I truly hope it gets better for you.<3
also, I want to mention that the way you managed to make this poetic while also being about something hard in your life is very admirable.
This poem really resonated with me the most. Sometimes I think that if I get into a accident or something, or don't show up to school for a period of time, people will start to notice, or at least care. Boy, was I wrong. It seems like everyone cares about their selves. This poem really highlights that as well.
''No one noticed.
No one noticed when I started straightening my hair,
burning the curls out every morning just to feel like the version of me I thought they wanted.''
This part is my favorite because I am going through this same thing (check out my blog if u want too). People want you to be a certain way, act a certain way, and look a certain way. I feel like they want this because they want to satisfy their needs and look good if they have you around and I don't like that.
''They never saw how my grin wasn't real, but more like a mask.
They saw how my laugh sounded genuine, like a small child on Christmas morning,
but my eyes, if only they looked at my eyes, they would see they told a different story.''
Fake it till you make it, I'm sure you've heard of that phrase. I do a lot of faking too to the point, I don't know if I'm real or not. When I'm with my relatives, I smile, laugh, and at least try to act normal when there are 50 negative things going through my mind all at once.
''They want everything to stay easy.
They want me steady.
The one who listens,
the one who is there,
the one who fixes.
⠀
I'm their grounding,
their support beam,
their therapist.''
The thing with some humans is that we rely too much on others. We want others to lead us everywhere and take baby steps. Sometimes we need to rely on ourselves.
''Maybe I'm just like a paper straw.
Used once then thrown away and forgotten about.
Never to be seen again.''
The ending just ties in with everything. People use you for one purpose just like a paper straw and then they throw you away after they are done drinking so to speak. I love when the poem ties in with the ending. It sounds beautiful!
Keep writing, I really loved this poem.
xoxo, lovelydove loves youu
HIYA BESTIEEEEEE! I thought after like yk I should really make this poem a hit bc you're obviously the second Shakespeare and I will shred anyone who says it isn't so yea (omg I haven't done a review in so long ToT)
ANYWAYSSS lets dive in!
The first part about the mask, so real. I love how you repeated "no one noticed". It gives a great impact, and the reader can think over how important it is, if you know what I mean. Like, it's unique kind of. I love the questions you put in, like "Do they notice and do they care?" Questioning how people act on the inside.
It's like, I give advice, I give comfort, I'm the therapist, but when you ask for help or support, they go BOOM. Gone.
Only coming back when you're perfectly fine.
And the nights spent alone, crying, the mask, the smile you put on when you're awake, after, is so fake. No one knows how it feels.
The comparison is unique too, I have never heard of it, and you must've put a lot of thought into it! LOVE ITTT
I wish I could reach through the screen, to hug you, to be there for you. Maybe. Maybe someday. But I'll always increase my screen time by 8 hours to help you. You're amazing, and remember that I will always care for you. I will notice, and I will check if you are okay. Really. Promise.
This poem really hits hard, for many. Many people suffer from this, and I want you to know you are not alone <3 I'll try my best.
Love you hopppppp
From your totally amazing bestie that is totally not going to spam you later,
-CATsz :3
Alright the 12 Days of Reviewing 2025 have begun. And as promised, here’s my thoughts ^^
… No, oh that is so sad ☹ I understand why ppl do this, peer pressure is such a beast. But I would have loved to have curls qqI already like the name of your poem :3 And I figured from the very first lines that this is probably not the moment to test out a festive review template ^^°
What is it with poems posted around the holidays giving me anxiety @.@ Just the fact that a person can so disappear behind a façade makes me so sad ☹
Well… I think some people at least notice? The parents?
Oh I like how being too tired to rake leaves can also apply to this situation. Where you’re…just too tired to fix anything about the mental situation you’re stuck in. And then the snow comes in and buries all the problems, but not in a good way.
How? I get comments at work all the time because I lost like… 5kg or something. Mannn being invisible to everyone sucks. I want to give the narrator a hug ☹
Oh that is such a good line. Sad. But good.
Oh I feel like the “pulling me out of the cement” part might be a repetition that doesn’t rly fit. I know it’s a callback to 2 lines prior but I feel like that is too soon. Maybe work with another sticky ground thing? In DE I would have probably used “Morast” ☹
Oh mannn the helper-syndrome friend that never gets any help. That “silence” line is so poignant!!
I do like this, and how this all ties back to the paper straw. But it sounds more like these friends, these friends that don’t even notice weightloss this severe, are in the habit of using that straw over and over again @.@
Well now I am sad. Very good job Hop!
I really like the dark mood this poem is giving me. You should write poetry for real.
The poem revolves around the idea that "no one noticed." Noticed who? We don't who the protagonist noticed, and we're not supposed to know that. We know that the protagonist is having a rough life---their grades are failing, they're bullied, and they have neglectful parents. That being said, we don't know what the protagonist is looking after. Bullies? Parents? Heck, even getting poor grades will get you into trouble.
What I like about this poem is it's simple, yet effective prose. Instead of rhyming, it relies on repetition to create a gloomy atmosphere. The repetition of the phrase "no one noticed" reinforces the idea that someone might be coming after our protagonist---they're just young and they don't what it is. They've suffered enough hardships---bad grades, abuse, a poor childhood, and they need to get out of that rut.
Sure, this poem may fall into the "edgy teen writing poetry about edgy things" trap, but it has flavor and doesn’t rely on that RAWR XD EDGY energy. It has life and passion poured into it, and proves that even the least skilled writers can put their hearts into something they so desire, even if it's not that great.
Overall, this poem does a good job of portraying one's negative emotions. It may not be a great poem, but the writer has to at least start somewhere. 5/5
noted ig.
sorry my poem wasn't good
It's ok. You'll get better.