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Universe

by myjaspercat


She believes she's not a universe
but she wants to be so bad

She ran her fingers through her hair 
the same way God ran his fingers through the sky
as he created the stars, in perfect calculation
so every black curl would fall just right.

Her lips taste like raspberry and nicotine
desperation and pleading - words that are left at the tip
of her tongue so bitter and sweet it causes a
riptide through her soul that she can't seem to ride the waves of.

He told her once that her smile could light up a room
but her teeth appear to be broken
cause the only light she sees comes from the stars
and they're so bright and hopeful. 

You can't grow without sunshine
but she can't seem to stop growing-
yet she believes she's growing in all the wrong directions
and when she looks down all she can see are the stars and 
stretch marks that life leaves.

She believes she's not a universe
but she is, and it's so beautiful.


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10 Reviews


Points: 50
Reviews: 10

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Tue Jun 11, 2019 11:15 am
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anu wrote a review...



You have shown a very nice comparison -between the beauty of universe and that of a girl. The universe is so vast contradictory to the timidness of the girl. It truly represents youth when people are more worried about looks than anything else.

Besides, the format is really amazing and the meaning ,of course.
Keep up with the good work.




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20 Reviews


Points: 104
Reviews: 20

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Tue Jun 11, 2019 6:23 am
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ToxicAnglerFish wrote a review...



I love the meaning behind this! How the narrator is loving every bit of this girl and enjoying it. I love how it describes her lips tasting as something good and something bad. I love how it makes the flaws on her seem beautiful and just perfect to anyone who loves her. This such a lovely and deep poem. I really love the flow and tone of this! Keep writing!




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113 Reviews


Points: 5242
Reviews: 113

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Tue Jun 11, 2019 1:09 am
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xJade wrote a review...



Wesh, so I'm Jade and I'll just be giving this my overall thoughts. If you want me to elaborate on anything I say then please tell me.

I love the word use and format. The meaning is deep and hard. The flow is choppy but the ending s perfect. Usually, I would suggest stanzas but that would ruin the format. I enjoy how the ending ties in with the beginning and how you caught my attention.

Keep up with the great writing and I hope this helps. :D

-JadeLotus





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