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Sunflower Soul --unfinished

by myjaspercat

She told me long ago that her heart was made of glass,
blown from the finest of sand and sprinkled with stardust.

She was a beautiful creature born of the fairest of folk
and her words hung in the air, like sweet lavender anytime she spoke.
Magic was her kingdom, sweet music and wine,
yet she started to decay with just a matter of time.

Her hair started to molt from her scalp to her feet. 
An essence so tainted it was sickly sweet.
Skin that grew cracks all layered with dust
and her bones, they started to rust. 

Teeth that grew mold and started to rot
I thought she'd be beautiful what a knot in my plot.
Her fingers started to bend until they snapped and they broke,
her lavender laugh so clipped from such a desperate joke.

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Points: 59
Reviews: 2

Tue Jul 23, 2019 1:57 am
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OmMolly wrote a review...

Greetings from Nora,

You got me hooked, I couldn't stop reading and as I read on I could picture the girl. Her beauty. How she speaks. You well described her. I liked this line so much ,
" her lavender laugh so clipped from such a desperate joke. "

I also loved the metaphors you used.

I really do like this poem and wish to read more from you!

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562 Reviews

Points: 14535
Reviews: 562

Sun Jul 21, 2019 3:28 pm
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FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...

Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a short review for you on this lovely night, and to help get your work out the green room.

Okay let's begin.
So I do agree this poem needs a little more, as in it doesn't feel finished. So maybe add there is no joy in here eyes like before, or her glass heart now cracking from the sorrow. Like try and add really deep emotions into your poem, it just needs a few more lines and it will be done. IF you want I would gladly help you out more if you want.
Anyway other than it doesn't feel finished I think this is an amazing start to something beautiful, all even more than it already is. I truly can feel all the love and other deep emotions in there, I really can feel the sadness.
I just love how you start the poem all with joy and hope, along with laughter, and slowly it gets dark and really sad, and that is something that's really hard to do when your trying to not make it all sudden you want your poem all smooth, and I think you did a wonderful job.
I really am amazed at what you have written here.
I'm also just loving the description, i have a really good image in my head, and I can't get rid of it.

Anyway this was an amazing poem, and I look forward to the finished version. I do hope you will keep writing and post again on YWS! Because I will be keeping a look out for another one of your poems. I'm really happy I got to be one of the people to read and review your work, I hope you have a great day or night.

Your friend
Reviewing with a fiery passion!

Random avatar

Points: 255
Reviews: 1

Fri Jul 19, 2019 7:04 pm
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Xilly Xonka wrote a review...

This poem kind of pictures a beautiful, privileged, princess of some sort, who's dying. The descriptions are nice touch. "...her words hung in the air, like sweet lavender anytime she spoke." I took this as if the girl was a positive memory and people are happy when they're around her. Anywho, really amazing poem.

(Disclaimer: I'm new here, so my reviews probably aren't as in-depth as your other ones)

Everything has a consequence and every consequence leads to death.
— kattee