A Moment of Silence

Hello!

This is very different to most other poems I've read, not that I've read many...

I like the idea of it, it's interesting.

The most I liked this part:

A moment of silence

For those who were loved.

For our heroes fallen

To the fate of God.


You really shoud keep goin!

- Ophelia

Hi.

I liked the piece. It was powerful, and it leaves an impact on the reader.

"A moment of silence

That will soon be forgotten." worked the best line for me.

The repetition worked quite well, and this happens rarely but it certainly served the purpose it was (supposedly) meant for.

Keep writing!

-Erin

I loved this. I thought the repetition was amazing and @Ossum I think this is something you would really enjoy reading. I loved how short and simple and to the point this was, but it can be interpreted on so many different levels. I can't choose a stanza that was my favorite, because I loved them all.

The first stanza made me feel spiritual and hopeful for those that died for noble causes. The second stanza made me feel sad for friends passed. The third made me feel... bad, almost sympathetic. The last two lines made me feel determined to not forget. I don't ever want to forget the lives lost for any cause or reason. That's all I have to say, I have zero nitpicks. I loved the rhythm and I loved how you didn't include rhyme in most of the stanzas. It made everything feel more natural. Again, great job. Keep Writing!

-Gravity

This hardly conveys emotion.

The use of repetition is usually best used to emphasize an important phrase or to build up an emotional response. In this poem you only effectively managed to say the same thing three times. You brought up the moment of silence, explained it a bit and did it again. Horribly ineffective way to go about it if you ask me.

I find the most emotional pieces are the ones which get specific. If you are telling a story don't cut out on the scenery. This poem uses words which are obvious and don't surprise, don't even get me the least bit enthused about the subject. It does not explain why we should even care. It just explains the facts which are at its basic level and do not come with any type of rhetorical strategy or originality.

The use of your rhyme in the second stanza makes your poem less effective as well. Consider a serious subject like the mourning of soldiers being influenced as a rhyme that seems as silly as adorn and mourn. It does seem forced like most rhyming poems. It takes away from the writers credibility because it leads us to believe the rhyme is more important then the content.

Monsters

First of all, silence.
...
Now, down to buisness. I really appreciate the message in this poem. The format is great and I also think the length of the stanza's are great. You tied it up well with a good ending. You didn't seem to be going on and on about the same topic. Really, I have no problems with this poem.
Thanks for the read!
herby

Wassup wassup wassup, my name is Ossum and this is your review!

So, I both liked and admired your piece of poetry here. I will say that the bb codes you used are better used as a highlight and a click on the Italic button at the top of the posting thing. Since they are not working. Other than that, nothing on the technical side.

this piece was deep and simple. And I like that, a moment of silence. For those who deserve it. For those we forget to think deserve it. And then a deserving of a moment of silence in general. I think you tackled this with an elegance. You didn't prolong it, or drag it out. Cause that's all a moment of silence is. A moment. And you captured both its essence and its curse perfectly. Since it is indeed only a moment, it will soon be forgotten. Even though it shouldn't.

Thanks for the read and I hope you continue to make more works.
Later Gator!

- Ossum!