At first it was merely a suspicion,
A harmless seedling.
But time went by
And the seedling
Grew.
.
Feelings are strange.
You turn your problems in your head
And they grow,
Just like a
Snowball.
.
What changed your mind?
How did the friendliness
Become so hostile?
What made your jealousy turn into
Hate?
.
You did.
There was no one to blame
For the problems you created
So you watered your fears, you made them
Strong.
.
But maybe it's you who was wrong.
Maybe you should just have let it go.
Maybe you should weed out the seedling,
Before it becomes the tree that cannot be
Cut.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,819 Reviews
Hello! I'm here to say what I like and don't like... but most of it is like.
This is great. I love how you used a seedling to describe problems.
I like the 'turning in your head' to make a snowball. I know your poem is quite simple but if you ever want to expand it; describe what actually forms the snowball. What thoughts? What feelings?
I think it's great how you end each stanza with one word. Nice job!
I'm not sure about the last and first lines of these two stanzas rhyming. It doesn't work too well when I read it, so maybe think of different options.
That's all! It's a lovely poem.
Thanks jazzy (or should I call you dracula?)
This is really nice. I don't personally understand it very well, but I'm sure you do. It feels like this is more of a poem written for the author not the reader. At first I thought it was about a relationship, but as I read it over again I feel different things. It's still very nice, though.
Thanks BlueLangton!
one problem about this poem is that is lack if poetic quality about this poem.and there is only one kind of imagery used that of a sapling growing into a tree which makes the poem very simplistic.a bud blossoming,a journey ending,two skylarks who flew parallelly in the sky parting ways-could have been some other imageries used.at least that is the way I like it.friendship consists of many layers,it isn't just black and white.and you can't blame just your friend.there is a quality of biasedness to it too,as if the regret is not about the dissappearance of friendship,but that that you are not getting to blame your friend for it.the rest is good.keep writing.god speed.
Thanks! I'll take that into consideration
Hello there! Unknown391625 here with another review!
Ok so, this is a not so bad poem. There is one flaw. Every stanza, you put one word after each fourth line. It seems unnecessary. Just put those words on the fourth line. Anyways, it doesn't really rhyme, but it's cool. You had some good ideas. Good job. So, I will look for more by you. Take that thought about the last line into consideration. Don't give up and always write!
-Unknown391625
Thanks for the tips!