Weeping Skies

Nature seems to like to mock me,

Mirroring my teary eyes

With dark and somber

Weeping skies. 

Comments & reviews · 6
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Random avatar
Patriciadean Review

I would like to review your poem:

I agree with Lylas. You might want to change that first line just a little bit to give it a better flow. The word 'to' is used too much for that one line. But I love how dramatic this poem is and it is only four short lines. That is very neat. Keep it up! :)

By the way, sorry for the blank comment before. I am new to this so I am not sure how to delete that or if you even can. Again sorry!

Thank you! And I don't think you can delete it, but it's fine

User avatar
elysian
Review
elysian wrote a review · Sun Sep 14, 2014 4:38 pm

Hello I would love to review your poem!

This is so meaningful in such a simple form! I like what it's about. One thing you could change:

"Nature seems to like to mock me."

instead of that, which doesn't flow much, maybe this?

"Nature seems to mock me,"

Just flows way better :)

Also, I think you can come up with a more interesting name, that doesn't repeat in the poem. Sometimes repeating titles in the work itself works, but in this case, (in my opinion), it doesn't.

Maybe

"The Sky's Sorrow"
"Raining Tear Drops"

or something along those lines xD

otherwise, well written! :)

This review was brought to you by:

Kamryn

Thank you! I thought of other names for the title, but I didn't love the other options I came up with, so I left this one, even though there's the repetition.

User avatar
methrirr123
Review

Hello. I am Methrirr. I will now review your poem, if you don't mind.

It's short, and powerful. It has strength, and depth. I especially like your first line, although I think it'd be better off ending with a comma.

I can feel that this poem is sad, but also angry, and annoyed. Each word holds a certain amount of weight to it, due to your poems shortness.

I like this a lot. Normally I can't relate to short poems like this, but this one is good. Keep writing!

Methrirr123

User avatar
DreamWork
Review

Who would have thought, a short poem can be really interesting to read? Compared with a poem written in a straightforward, you write it with simple but meaningful. Equate the state of nature with your feelings, it's an interesting medium to do.

Nature seems to like to mock me.

It sounds a bit cynical here.
While writing a short poem that feels like a very refreshing and exciting, you may want to consider adding a more poetic verse. It may seem simple but is actually quite challenging.
Keep it up! :D

User avatar
vox nihili
Comment

Wow, this is beautiful! I just wish it was a little longer. So very little of it there to enjoy. Great job, though. I don't really have anything else to say except it's gorgeous and I'd love to read a version of this that's a little longer.

Thanks a lot. I appreciate this :)



You must never give into despair. Allow yourself to slip down that road, and you surrender to your lowest instincts. In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength.
— Uncle Iroh