I see
the clouds gather
on the horizon
to drive away the sun.
Pure white,
they rise up
and envelop the sky,
covering the blue.
As they draw near,
bright flashes
begin to appear,
and I feel
the thunder's rumble
deep in my chest.
Soon, the rain comes,
forcing me inside,
but I stay
until I feel
the first drops
sprinkle on my skin.
The sky darkens,
and the wind howls.
I watch the trees sway
from my window
as they are pelted with rain
and marvel at the power.
It is dark as night,
only lit by lightning.
I continue to watch,
knowing it must end
sometime
as all storms do.
Finally, the rain stops,
and it begins to lighten.
The sun peaks
through the clouds,
making stray raindrops
sparkle on my window.
The clouds part,
and a glimpse
of color
catches my eye.
A rainbow.
The light
at the end
of a storm.
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Canary word: Present
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139,693 Literary Works • 672,653 Reviews
You are about to be reviewed by a member of Team Yellow. I like this story, but I think you should break it into stanzas. Congrats on your grammer, I didn't see any errors. I like your writing style and imagery. Keep it up
Hello there,
I actually really liked this, I think it is a very pure and powerful poem that captures the moment and creates great imagery. It is layed out nicely and every line is very short and precise. I liked the expression in your words and I liked how your opinion appeared to come through in this. It also held my attention and left me wanting more which means it is a good length and generally this was a really amazing poem.
I liked the detail you put into this and i liked the nice finish it was very beautiful and happy and for me it was like the bright light at the end of a long dark tunnel. Which was really nice and positive. It also concluded this very well and was really unique and clever.
There are a few grammar mistakes in this but it is really hard to tell if they are being made purposely or if they are actual typos and mistakes. Generally try to make thing like that very clear if they were your intention or not because otherwise people get the wrong opinion and may think that you can't use grammar correctly which I'm sure you'll agree, isn't very flattering.
Don't worry though I didn't think that you had made any stupid grammar mistakes in this, I'm just saying for future references for poems like these. Because if you lay a poem out like this that is the opinion some people might form about the poem.
This was generally very good. Keep up the epic writing and I hope to see more of your poetry because this was absolutely outstanding.
From CuteJackRussell
This had a lot of good description and imagery in it! Great job with that! The shortness of the lines give it...what's the word...attitude? Flavor? Oh, whatever. It's cool.
You may consider capatalizing each line, but I kind of like how some lines are and some lines aren't. Whatever you do, don't add stanzas. This is perfect how it's all toghether like that. Great job and keep it up!
I am trying to decide if I like the poem better than storms or not... Storms are hard to beat. Haha, I even saw that storm that you are referring to! I am impressed by the length of the poem... I can rarely make myself write a super-long poem. You definitely paint the picture very well in my mind. Well writ!