Alone in the yard
Lying on the grass
Soft and cool beneath me
Staring up at the clouds
Streaks of white on a blue canvas
A tree stands off to the side
Its branches reaching out over me
The crisp breeze sends the leaves rustling
A few fluttering down over me
Red and gold dancing through the air
Strands of my hair tickle my face
The river water sparkles and splashes
A winding trail teeming with life
The sun emerges from behind the white
Blinding my eyes forcing me to close them
The sunlight heats up my skin
And time stands still for just a moment
As I enjoy this perfect autumn day
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This is really beautiful! (Then again, maybe I'm just biased because my name is Autumn...?
)
(especially about my name XD)
"A winding trail teeming with life" <-- This part caught my attention. I like the word 'teeming.'
The poem flows really well, though usually I don't like narrative poems (So why am I in this section...?)
Anyway, I think adding a few commas might make it a little easier to read. It's kind of just a wall of words as it is. "Blinding my eyes, (a comma right here would be good) forcing me to close them"
Other than that I loved it! Keep writing!!
What a nice way to sum up a perfect autumn day.I was half-expecting something bad to happen so I was relieved when it stay pleasant til the end.
Hello there!!
First off, as soon as I saw the title of your poem, I wanted to read it. I've been sort of obsessed with writing about autumn lately, seeing as it's so close, so I wanted to see another writer's take on the changing of the seasons. I wasn't disappointed.
This part is beautiful. I love to lay back in the grass and look up at the clouds; it's one of my favorite things to do, and one that I've been doing quite a bit lately. My favorite part of this is the last line, about the 'streaks of white on a blue canvas.' It's a great example of imagery.
I love the part about the 'red and gold' dancing in the fifth line. It was beautiful.
Great work!! Keep writing!!!