Happiness

Very nice, very nice. I really actually liked some of the feeling words you used: describing what your senses are assaulted with while you're (presumably) sitting outside during a beautiful day. You lead up to what you're thinking and finally maybe what you're dreaming?... No idea, just speculation. Very well writ. Simply writ, but that makes it even better.

I actually kind of sort of love that. It fits into the poem and it does bring in the love aspect in a nice way. I say keep it!

Thanks for your review! Yeah, I wasn't quite sure how to end it, and when I wrote it, it seemed okay, but I wasn't quite pleased with it. Would this work better? Sort of revisiting the first stanza?

Happiness
Is lying on the grass
With your hand in mine
And a night sky overhead

Hey there Mello!

So first, let me tell you that I picked your poem then immediately went and turned the song "Happiness" on by The Fray. Haha! Anywho... I won't go into too much depth because honestly, this poem doesn't need a whole lot of detailed, nit-pick, review. It accomplishes it's purpose, to a degree. Happiness, it is supposed to be a feel good poem, yes? That was exactly what it did for me, so congratz, that worked.

I had one problem. The last stanza. It just felt so out of place. It turned the poem from something not love to love in like seconds, and really left the reader utterly confused. If there were lines like "Is lying on the grass with you" and actually told a whole story it wouldn't be a problem. But because there is no mention of a person, then suddenly there is, it is just strange.

I had one wish. That you would have used a little more imagery, and descriptive words. It was a little bland, but it wasn't terrible bland, so it got by. Just something to consider.

It was really well written as far as grammar is concerned. The message was clear until the last stanza when it changed. So I don't know, my only problem was the last stanza. Hope I was of help, if you have any questions or comments, let me know.

-HostofHorus