Down
my street is a little schoolhouse
With
waxed floors and desks in straight rows;
It
has shelves full of the best books money can buy-
Why
they’re never read…who knows!
The
children in that little schoolhouse
Wear
shiny shoes and the trendiest of clothes,
But
in the hours they’re forced to sit straight in those desks
Their
intelligence rarely grows.
Nevertheless,
in the corners of their papers
Lies
smileys exclaiming, “Great Job!”
Their
feelings are much too delicate and precious
For
them to be told they write like a slob.
No,
what is much more important
Is
to ensure that the kids always feel
good,
So
out went the phonics and vigorous tests,
Out
went the chalkboards and desks made of wood.
They
updated to smart boards and tablets,
Bought
gadgets and gizmos galore,
Better
tools equal a better education, right?
To
the wind with budget, they need more!
Concerning
the changes in its curriculum,
It
no longer recognizes God.
Humanism
is the religion preached in this school,
But
don’t worry, it’s a lovely façade.
We
live in a progressive society
That
progresses daily towards doom.
I
can tell you where the progressing happens the most-
It’s
in that polished and modern schoolroom.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Hi.
When I read this poem I felt I was in my classroom, teacher was teaching, I was sleeping, laying my head on the table. The teacher didn't angry with me. Didn't even scold me. Huh, the reality is really hurt. Polished and modern schoolroom, oh yeah It's really becoming modern. I remembered bringing my laptop to the school and used it for the class session. I didn't used it for learning though. Better tools equal a better education. I agreed with that. Love this poem. Hope this helped.
Hey there, Hermione. Margo here for a review. I give you props for this idea. The school room environment has certainly changed over the years. Teachers are no where near as strict as they once could be. Now if a teacher so much as lays a hand on a kid, they get in big doo-doo! As a result, kids aren't near as polite and disciplined as they once were. Education (especially in North America) isn't near as good as it is in other countries. That being said, one can always take their own initiative to learn and progress mentally. It's just a matter of having the right motivation to do so. That, in my opinion is what teachers are for. To teach and motivate their students to learn.
Now to my actual review:
You kept the rhyming scheme throughout the poem, which I am happy to see. They're aren't any real rules to poetry (which is why it rocks) but poems do sound better when the rymes are consistent. Your third stanza could use a little improvement. A little rewording would make it flow a lot better with the other stanzas.
For example try:
There are smiles on their papers,
Exclamations of 'Good Job.'
How can students improve their writing,
When they don't know they write like a slob?
Whenever re wording something, it is best to try to say what you want to say with fewer words. The message comes across more precise and the stanza sounds cleaner.
Your last stanza is my favourite. Evidently you wanted it to stand out, as you put it in italics. Seeing as it expresses the main idea of the entire poem, you were right in doing so. Excellent work! Continue writing!
Margo Seuss
Like this poem. It's criticizing poem. The said schoolroom can be used as a discussion topic. Truly. I feel like you've done well in conveying your message without losing the attraction a poem must have. Thank you for making this one.
Nice work! This is pretty true for many places, I'm sure.
The only thing I have to say about this corrections-wise, are the lines "Nevertheless, in the corners of their papers" and "Lies smileys exclaiming, “Great Job!”". Honestly, these two lines felt awkward to me, and I wasn't exactly sure what they meant. Did it mean that the smileys were lying to the kids, or that there are smileys laying on the paper?
I really like this poem, because it reveals some truths that most of us never face head on.