It’s a mist
that materializes
From the depths of
thin air
And seeps through
the ears
To the corners of
the mind
Where it nestles
deep
In peaceful arms of
thoughts
Waiting for that day
One day that you’ll
find
It waiting
Waiting
Patiently waiting
To be spilled out in
ink
In your fervent
creating
When the mist has
swelled greater
Into an angry storm
And can rain through
the hands
Of the weary and
worn
That have been anticipating
For the lightning to
strike
The thunder’s
been booming
But they’ve
yet to see light
They have only
heard stories
Of the storm’s
boundless might
Patches of mist
Sit still in the
brain
Growing and waiting
To be freed from the
chains
Of Unsure and
Debating
To be part of
Creating
It’s been
waiting
That mist
That is called
Inspiration
The mother of
Creation
The unspoken
declaration
It is waiting
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,216 Literary Works • 673,044 Reviews
Timmy hereeee
So I'll get right to the point here. In the thread you created, you mentioned that you were having issues with getting stanzas to work properly, and didn't know where to split them. I'll also try to make this a review looking at other aspects of the poem, as well. But take in mind that I'm not an expert at poetry, but I do know a few things. :3 If you want someone's advice who is an expert at this, go look at LadySpark and Pompadour poetry, who are two of my favorite poets on the site. Just reading through poems will help you find the place to split stanzas.
Onto the review. :3
So where do you split the stanzas? Consider it similar to when you're writing a chapter of a book or short story. You split the paragraphs where the ideas change, right? The paragraphs split when the idea veers off into a different tangent (which may still be the same thought, but a different road you're taking with it). So when you're writing the poem, that's something to keep in mind as you type along: where does this idea end. And what more does it take? Practice. Especially with writing, in order to get very good at it, and this includes the knowledge of formatting, you have to, have to, have to write and write. There's no other way around it. And read, too! You must read other poet's work and look over the ways they format their poetry - not to mention how they write, what kind of metaphors they use, the emotions they pour into the words, etc.... You can't take someone's style, but you can gather knowledge from other poets to form your own.
To get you started on where you should break up this particular poem's stanzas, I'll show you where I would break them up. Think about it yourself, though, and see what conclusion you come to. Where you split stanzas is another trademark of your style.
That's where I would break the first stanza. It seems a complete thought, and a wonderful introduction to your poem. It actually sums up the entire poem in itself! Which is amazing. :3 I love it. Also, when doing the formatting (when and where you decide to slit the stanzas), there is a special way on YWS. A moderator once had to do it for me since I was so awful at it. xd When you do it, take the line and with your backspace key, go all the way up to the previous line - like you're about to delete it. Then hit enter and shift however many times it takes until you have the correct spacing, and then you're good! I hope that's an understandable explanation. >< These kind of things are so hard to explain sometimes. xD
Besides that? Your poem is beautiful. I especially love the topic and how you compare it to so many things, especially the part with the storm. Storms have been used so many times, they have become cliché (so that may be something you might be concerned about), but it was still a wonderful addition and image for me. :3 One thing I especially love is the random rhyming you have here! Like the rhyming of the last three lines with inspiration, creation, and declaration I thought was wonderful, as well as the time before you did it. It adds to the flow and originality of the poem. ^.^
I do think there were some places where the repetition of some words grew into redundancy, because they were just overused. Such as your repeating of "waiting". In many places, I did like how you used it. But then you continued to use that word over and over and over - everywhere. And so it became a bit boring, and more like redundancy than giving the reader the effect you desired. Perhaps you can go through and try to still use that word, but sparingly? Like I loved how you used it as a single line, but in the following stanza, you almost always had the same word. And that grates on the reader.
There isn't much more for me to say. I love this poem, and I think you brought the idea a long ways. It's beautiful. :3 You should be having issues with inspiration more often. xD I just hope this helped somewhat with the issues you were having. If not, perhaps you'll get a helpful reply in the forums.
~Darth Timmyjake
Thank you so much for the review! It was very helpful. I'm going to go through and replace the word 'waiting' in some spots, because I agree that it was getting too redundant. And I'll keep experimenting with how to break it up into stanzas.
Do you think how I split it up looks okay?
I love how you split it up! It looks so much neater. :3
Hi it's me teacake013 here to review.
!!!
I think you're was work it was unique!:)
I would give it 7 or 7 smiles
I'm not here to judge your work badly , so I'll tell you
I know it takes a lot to publish you're works so I respect that completely.
In you're work pacifically I enjoyed how you chose a topic of inspiration.
It was new and very original.
The format was and it was clean and cut.
It was well put together to say the least.
Hope you keep on improving and writing you're heart out!.!
Love, Teacake013
I loved this! Every metaphor was well thought out and made sense. My only real recommendations are to break it into stanzas and add punctuation. Right now, the poem is a rather intimidating wall of text. There isn't really an organized manner to it. Stanzas would really help, even if you don't want punctuation.