Young Writers Society

I'll get straight to it.

"My favorite thing used to be singing/While I collected shells by the shore;" Honestly, that semi-colon should be a period, in my opinion.

"One day rose out of the water/A young boy, a dreamer like I." The first time I read these lines, I was confused. I had to read it another time or two before I got it. Perhaps you should word it differently.

This is actually a pretty beautiful written poem that was also very thoughtful. You have done a good job with this. I really don't have much to correct on this work. Keep up the good work!

Hey!
sorry if this review isn't much help, I just felt I wanted to add a few of my opinions in here.
I would like to say how nicely this poem flowed: the rhyming worked quite well which made for a relaxing red.
I like the innocence of this poem and how fresh it is. I found it easy to imagine the scene in my head which is always useful in poetry.
My favourite line would have to be 'until he first held my hand'. I thought this was a very subtle, warm turning point that made me, as the reader, feel something real in the poem.
I really liked this piece, lovely poem.

-plathonstone

Lovely poem. I don't really have any criticisms so this review won't be of much use to you but I'll post anyway. It's got a natural flow, its themes are clear and it brings out a feeling of catharsis.
I like how you use simple language to convey your emotions instead of trying to dazzle the reader. There's some nice images, "The waves stirred the melodious strings of my heart", drew me in. The capitalization of More and Fear are subtly effective (unless they're grammatical errors) and The third stanzas particularly nice, I don't know why but it just appeals to me. Keep on writing.

Hello, there, racket here to review your poem.
Dang, this is really, really good. I doubt I could ever write this well. Good job.
So, I really like how you use stanzas (thank you!!), and how they're not choppy at all. The really flow well together, and the story goes by before you even notice, even though this is a fairly long poem.
I see no grammar errors or punctuation problems. I like how you capitalize 'More' and 'Fear', though I'm not so sure this was necessary. I does kind of disrupt the flow of the poem, in that you have to pause and think for a while on why they were capitalized. But it does work in context, so it's your choice whether to change these or not.

One day rose out of the water
A young boy, a dreamer like I.

Storms, winds, not treacherous tides
Succeeded to pull us apart,
But something more dangerous was sent barreling our way:
A ripple within our hearts.