Wonders of a Moonlit World

Hi there, hermione! Dark here to review this excellent pome of yours. I apologize in advance, as I haven't reviewed anything in almost three months. (I'm very rusty.)

So, first I'd like to point out the punctuation at the end of (almost) every line. I haven't read what others have said, but it probably would work better if some of them were removed, you know? Like here where it says,

"Trace your finger,
Wet, along the edges." or

"Don’t forget a pair of eyes,
Through which you can see
A glimpse of sacred stillness,
Silver by the stars’ faint glow."

The pauses were kind of awkward for me while reading. I know everyone does things differently, but that's just a tin issue, I thought I'd address. Other than that, I don't see anything worth correcting.
I gotta say, the poem really flows nicely, as far as your word choice. I pictured myself in the backseat of a crushing vehicle, while a downpour pounds on the roof, drawing in the condensation on the window to pass the time. Maybe that picture isn't what you intended, but a vivid picture in my head is a sign of a good poem.
Keep it up, and I enjoyed reviewing your poem, after such a long time.
~The shady one.

Hi there, Hermione!

I really quite enjoyed reading this. You do a good job of creating a pause in time and showcasing it.

That being said, it can be improved with a few changes.

The first thing I noticed is that you have punctuation at the end of every line. Now, a lot of poets have lots of different ways of doing thongs, and some do choose to punctuate the end of every line. In this poem, however, the natural pause when you're reading it out loud does not always come at the end of the line. This is perfectly fine, but your addition of punctuation creates pauses that mess up the way the words are put together. To fix this, try reading it out loud to yourself without line breaks and punctuate it like you would if you were punctuating prose. When reading poetry out loud, you don't pause at the line breaks, anyway.

Here's a nitpick for you: I would take out "shallow" in the first line because it doesn't really add to the poem. In fact, it made me wonder why the person in the poem was breathing shallowly. It's a question you raise that doesn't need to be answered. If that makes sense.

Overall, I quite enjoyed this! I hope this review proves useful to you! Happy YWSing!

Hey there! Here to review your work again!

This is really pretty. I love poems like these, that seek to capture a small moment in time.

Shallow breaths cascade across icy glass,

Foggy blooms spring upwards,

Consuming all warmth.

Throughout which you can see,

Its wonders-the wonders of a moonlit world.