Dear freshman, it’s your first day of high school,
And you’re wondering how you’ll ever survive,
But there’s a way to not only stay alive these four years,
A way a runt like you can even thrive!
Pack your pencils and notebooks and papers,
And to avoid dangerous cafeteria food, pack your lunch.
Walk around with a smile, turn that frown upside down!
There’s no need for that foreboding hunch.
There’s a whole new world fixed before you
Full of people you’ll soon grow to love.
Some you’ll find at times very difficult to stand,
But some will fit on your hand like a glove.
You can’t be afraid to reach out to them
With kindness and an openness of heart,
Because how’ll you know if one might make a true friend
If you’re too shy for a conversation to start?
Once you’ve a person or two, buckle up.
Thanks to hormones drama’s certain to strike,
But you can handle the fist fights and “romance” and tears
And that hot person you and your best friend will both like.
I won’t lie: not every day is a picnic.
You’ll want to pull out your hair, cry and scream!
And if that’s not enough there’s the work load.
Due dates are always much closer than they seem.
There’ll be a crazy English teacher out to get you,
And there’ll be a class where you can’t stay awake.
There will even be a few classes you’ll love
That you’ll wish to go back and retake.
Speaking of retakes, on picture day
Here’s how to avoid future strife:
Girls, bring a comb, guys, check your teeth,
Or it might haunt you for the rest of your life.
There’s about a million more things I could tell you
About how to avoid future pain.
Please just know this if nothing else: you’ll be fine.
I would do it all over again.
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Canary word: Present
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
*Lorelie here for Review Day*
Hi, I was reading your poem and thinking how I should have thought like that when I started high school. You know, we're so excited with starting a new phase in our lives and then we forget about due dates and schedules and how everything turned up to be the same.
I think you've munched a word in here. Maybe "met" or "seen". And I don't like "buckle up". You should replace that with "cheer up". I think you want to lift up one's spirits here, not tell them to worry about when nervous. I mean, you should worry, but enough is enough
I was thinking why did you put romance in inverted commas. Isn't true romance allowed in high school?
I don't see the need here to write this with rhymes... but if you really want to, I think it should be more consistent. My verdict would be something like ABAB for each stanza, or no rhyme at all.
Overall, I liked it. It's always good to know there's an easy-going personality around. You should do one about college one day. I can almost see how it starts:
Ha ha
-Lore
This is a really great poem! It summarizes high school in a really cool and humorous way! It makes me think of a shy kid, who gets teased and doesn't fit in. What you said here is what people imagine themselves and wish to do, all though their school lives! Unfortunately, few manage it, as most people who don't really it in eel shy to try and start new friendships and acquaintances, as they're afraid o messing up and being humiliated. But, unless you try, how will you become confident and get to know people? You need Friends and companions to keep you company through your school lie, or you won't survive. I myself only started to act confidently when I reached high school (which I'm still in, being 15) and that's the reason why I have more friends now, but...this poem really summarizes what every school kid should do and act like. And, considering the good times I'm having in high school, I would definitely do it all over again! A really really great poem! I will most certainly be looking out For more from you!
Hello there, hermione315! cleverclogs here to review your lovely poem!
As a rising freshman, I needed this. Normally, the transition from middle to high school wouldn't be a big deal for me, because my friends would be going with me. However, that is not meant to be, so I've been pretty worried about this transition. I'm not an optimist by nature, so some of the bubbliness of this poem grated on me a bit, but overall, this really did help. Now that my pointless blathering is out of the way, let's get on to the review.
First of all, I think this would look a lot better if you split it up into stanzas. You can do that by using the "shift" key along with the "enter" key in the YWS publisher. That'll get rid of the pesky double spacing, and then you can actually add stanza breaks without using a little dot or something.
This part struck me as kind of odd. I don't know how it is where you live, but for me, people from the same middle schools usually go to the same high schools. These lines feel like they would be better suited to a "first day at a new school" poem. Which I guess high school technically is, but I don't really see it as such due to being stuck around the same old people from the middle school.
This was one of the parts that got on my nerves. It always bugs me when I'm in a new situation and people say, "Go make some friends!" It's not easy as all that for me. I'm sure that you didn't intend it to be that way, but it's just something that I don't like hearing.
THIS. This is so true. How does a due date go from being a month away to two days away?
Here, I just thought I'd bring to attention how you repeat "future x" in two lines. I'm not sure what it means, but I thought I'd make you aware in case you want to do anything about it.
I think I'm kind of done picking out lines, so here are some general thoughts.
I'm normally not a huge fan of rhyming couplets, because a lot of times poets who use this method tend to sacrifice rhythm or making sense for rhyme. I think you've made it work here, though, for the most part. I think that it would work even better if you separated it into stanzas, though. This is like the poetic equivalent of a "wall of text".
I think that my main problem with this poem is the optimistic attitude. It just doesn't work with me. That's not an issue that you can fix, it's just that it's not for me. Despite that, though, this kinda did make me feel a little better about high school, if only because there were things I could relate to like the due dates and the school lunches. Overall, nice job. I apologize for this jumbled mess of a review; I think I may be losing my touch. XD Keep on writing!
Nice! In fact, it's a really cute little poem. Brimming with encouragement, humour and welcome-good job! The rhyming made it all the more fun to read. Just a bit of advice: All of the poem, except the first four lines, is full of expression. The first four lines, somehow felt a bit drab to me. It's entirely my opinion, but you could work on making them somewhat more creative.
Also, please punctuate the lines properly. That's all I have to say. Otherwise, great poem. The last line is so good.
Keep it up!
Mysticalxx
Thanks for your review!