being
a writer is endless hours
staring
at a glaring, white screen
and
paper so clean,
imposing,
taunting, mean,
and
so full of impossible possibilities.
being
a writer is stopping to listen
to
the whispering of leaves
as they drift to the earth,
and sigh in its soothing embrace,
(a song seldom heard in a hectic
universe)
then capturing the timbre with ink
in its grace.
being
a writer is seeing what others cannot,
expressing our innermost workings,
and praying they’ll understand,
because
they deserve a chance
to
perceive colors, seasons, stars, and such
in
the same striking light as us.
being
a writer is having sore hands
weathered from the creation of words
we
pluck from the depths of dynamic imaginations;
it’s
dark circles under eyes
and
the constant shifting of cogs,
whirring
and clicking truths into place.
being
a writer is a lifetime of working
for
something that might never exist,
heeding the parts of you
that
stubbornly insist
it will, it must,
and
learning to trust those small voices.
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Canary word: Present
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126,696 Literary Works • 672,940 Reviews
Impressive. Really, really good poem. Your potential is startling, you know? The wording of the poem, the way you phrased the lines--they're dripping with expression. And you outlined "being a writer" really realistically. THUMBS UP.
Just punctuate the lines properly (i.e capitalize the letters t the start of each sentence, and add commas at the end of every other line) and this poem will be even better.
This stanza: " being a writer is a lifetime of working
for something that might never exist,
heeding the parts of you
that stubbornly insist
it will, it must,
and learning to trust those small voices" : It's the best in my book! It's painfully honest. Keep up the good work!
Mysticalxx
This is awesome! You just need to know that, okay? All right? Good.
Here for the promised review!
So, as I've said before, your vocabulary and flow are amazing. I especially love all the little rhymes in there. Usually when poets rhyme without having a rhyme scheme, it is jarring, but here it makes everything smoother.
Overall, there are not many problems. I just wanted to go through each verse and suggest little changes for better flow. In general, I think you are a bit wordy, so most of these will probably be suggestions to cut a word or two. These are just my thoughts, so feel free to completely ignore me if you don't like them!
Stanza One:
Good solid opening, love the rhyming.
1. Comma is unnecessary. Normally it wouldn't matter, but since you have so many commas right after that it would be better to eliminate it.
2. This line is slightly wordy. If you deleted the "and" or the "so," it should be fine. I can't decide which one would be better to delete, though. Probably the "and."
Stanza Two:
Very pretty, love the images.
Lines 3 and 4 don't really work for me. The flow feels off, almost as if the stanza was supposed to end there, but then it doesn't. I think they need to be shorter, more immediate. I played around with it for a bit, and this is the wording I think would work better:
"being a writer is stopping to listen
to the whispering of leaves,
as they drift to the earth
and sigh in its soothing embrace,
(a song seldom heard in a hectic universe)
then capturing..."
Of course, don't feel like you have to use this - I'm just throwing ideas out there.
Stanza 3
Here you wax a tad verbose, and it hurts the flow. Here is the same stanza, with some unnecessary words cut out:
"being a writer is seeing what others cannot,
expressing our most secret thoughts,
and praying they’ll understand,
because they deserve a chance
to see colors, seasons, stars, and such
in the same striking light as us."
Most of what I cut out were what felt like superfluous words - they didn't seem to add anything to the core idea. I changed "innermost workings" to "most secret thoughts" because I thought it better conveyed the idea that writers bare themselves to the world. Also, it sort of rhymes with "cannot," and since "such" and "us" also sound similar, it provides a bit of continuity. Again - take and leave what you will.
Stanza Four
Ooh, I love this stanza. All the imagery.
I deleted "dynamic" and "conceptual" because they both felt superfluous - writer's imaginations kind of have to be dynamic, and we don't need "conceptual" to know that the cogs are figurative. I mostly took "whirring and" out because if you start the line with "clicking" you get alliteration (cogs clicking), which sounds nice. It's also a bit unnecessary, but it doesn't matter all that much if you leave it in. Personal preference.
Stanza Five
Is perfect. What a way to end the poem. *applauds*
The only thing I have to say is that grammatically, you don't need a "to" after "heeding." It should just be "heeding the parts of you."
You could also change "waiting" to "working" - it might tie in more with "heeding to the parts of you."
I think the last line is my favorite. <3
So, I know I said it didn't have many problems, then proceeded to pick it apart and give a whole bunch of nitpicky suggestions. My English teacher once did the same thing to me with an essay - even though it got a really good grade, she still scrawled little fixes all over it, and told me that although I was already an excellent writer for my age, she was pushing me that one step higher. That's basically what I'm trying do here, suggesting changes to the little things to make the poem that little bit more excellent.
Of course, you probably won't agree with a lot of my "fixes" because we're different people. And that's fine - I'm mostly just trying to get you to think about those places, maybe inspire you to rework it to something way better than what I suggested.
I'm sorry if I offended you with any of this. I hope you don't feel like I trampled all over your piece. These sorts of poems are my favorite to review because I get to mess around with individual lines and flow without feeling like the poem just needs to be completely re-written.
Thanks for posting this great piece. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I hope I've helped you a bit.
In love with this poem
This is just....amazing ha ha. I love it!! It is very good and I do see all of that in myself and my friends who write. I like this poem a lot and it is a very good description of a writer. I also like the fact that you wrote about writers ha ha. Anyways best of luck to you and all writers out there!!!
Dear hermione315,
EccentricRose is here for to review!
I like how this poems starts out; mentioning the long hours of work. Because every writer knows, writing and editing is one of the most tedious tasks! And I can definitely relate to sore hands. lol (I broke both my wrists a few years back so now every word I write is painful. It can be very hard at times, especially when my inner-writer is at work and my wrists won't let me continue.)
This poem was well-written; any writer will agree to that! My favorite stanza is this:
"being a writer is seeing what others cannot,
insightfully expressing our innermost workings,
hoping, praying they’ll understand,
because they deserve a chance
to perceive colors, seasons, stars, and such
in the same striking light as us."
I find it brilliant! Though a lot of writers do see what others can see if they wanted to. Other people sometimes just aren't looking hard enough to find it! <3
I hope to see more of your work. This one is one of my favorites yet!
~Rose
Ohmygosh I love this poem. Your work just keeps getting better. I always look forward to your poems. I love how you use such simple language so beautifully.
Will be back to review later.
Thank you! You are so sweet and encouraging.
Hi there, Hermione! (Great name, by the way!
)
Introduction:
IronSpark here to review your beautiful piece. This is my 75th review (3rd star) and I wanted it to be on something really special... so here we are.
READY? SET? GO!
Flow and Phrasing:
I'm going to do this stanza by stanza, if you don't mind.
Did you mean to rhyme here? Or are you such a talented writer that it just came out? (I suspect both.
There are two things that I would suggest in this case to make your first stanza stronger.
1. Omit "sometimes". As much as I hate to tell you this, writing is sort of almost always staring at a glaring, white screen / and paper so clean.
2. Bring "impossible possibilities" to a new line. That's such a beautiful phrase, and I think that it should really get the emphasis that it deserves.
You have truly an inexhaustible vocabulary. This entire passage is so eloquent. The one phrase that I would suggest omitting is "in their grace". It takes away from the image of perpetual beauty that you've just proposed.
Wow: "weathered from the creation of words and worlds" is the only thing I would change. Essentially, for us as writers, words = worlds. So omit "words" and stick with your original concept. It's truly moving.
Such a powerful ending phrase. However, there are two phrases here that I would suggest excluding/changing.
1. "heeding to the parts of you" This is an awkward usage of the verb "heed". You could replace it with something like "losing myself to", etc.
and
2. I'd advise indicating who's speaking when you say "it will, it must*. This is your opportunity as a free verse poet to use some cool punctuation!
Formatting, Punctuation, and Grammar:
N/A - Free Verse
Vocabulary:
You have, as I said before, you have such a strong vocabulary. What I'd recommend you'd do, to grow it further, is this:
Resources:
I love this poem, I really do. It's so genuine, so eloquent, so... true. Some resources that I'd recommend for you are below.
- https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=97974
- http://www.dailywritingtips.com/100-exquisite-adjectives/
- http://www.writingforward.com/writing-ideas/descriptive-writing-ideas
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to write my 75th review about your beautiful poem.
Keep writing,
IronSpark
Thank you so much for your review! You are very kind, and I will definitely check into those sources.
Basically. You have captured the entire essence of being a writing in this one poem. "Songs seldom heard in our hectic universe." These are the most beautiful words. You've really made good choices as far as those go.
Honestly, I don't know what you should fix. I read this poem and thought, "Yeah, that's it. She's done it (or he)." I don't know what to tell you except for that this is really amazing and also sort of makes me want to write more. I love your word usage. And man, I'll say that again. I LOVE YOUR WORD USAGE. This poem truly is beautiful.
I would put this in a poem book and publish it right now, if I could. Unfortunately, I don't have that power. AMAZING JOB!
Keep Writing (these poems because they are amazing)
-Grace
Thank you Grace for your encouraging review! I'm glad this makes you want to write more, because writing is awesome!