There was a time,
when the thought of you
serrated lines into my heart.
jagged and deep; stinging, unruly
-------------------------------------------------------------
You were supposed to love me.
Hold me and treasure me;
till the end of our days,
till death did us part.
-------------------------------------------------------------
I know I did.
Your soul, your mind, your heart,
I did love;
was going to, till death did us part.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Under the September rain,
surrounded by dew, petrichor, rust;
we promised each other
till death do us part.
-------------------------------------------------------------
For days I wept
for months I floated;
lost, angry, and so deprived
and a deep gnaw set in.
-------------------------------------------------------------
I was ready to give up my name,
Sacrifice every comfort, every circumstance.
So speak up, coward;
Can you say the same?
--------------------------------------------------------------
You showed me love;
then said I could not have it.
Why, ringmaster,
are you done making a fool of this chit?
--------------------------------------------------------------
I'd waited so long for a life with you
waking up everyday; wishing, wishing, wishing
(good things must be repeated three times)
but you just bled me through.
--------------------------------------------------------------
But its okay now,
I'm quite alright.
if not out of mind,
you're at least out of sight.
--------------------------------------------------------------
That day will come too,
when I can reminisce freely;
without the burden
of loving you.
--------------------------------------------------------------
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Canary word: Present
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
heyyyyyy how r you doin????
This a truly emotional piece articulating thoughts and deep emotions without confusing the brain out of me trying to interpret it. (YOU GET EXTRA POINTS FOR THAT DIVAAAA) This poem is about loving someone deeply, showing great attachment, affection and longing and the feelings after your breaking up. The feeling of the intense longing for someone which tears you apart into a state of hollowness- THIS is what I felt when I read this. ( i lwky hope this poem was js an idea that popped into your head at 3 AM and this is js fiction because OH GAWD is this heartbreaking)
Covering the first three stanzas, i think i like the usage of the word 'serate' very much. I think, these are the moments right after the break up, the poet talks about the deep hurt felt by him at the moment and oml is this some good writing.
I have a question- why 'september rain'
Usually september rain is supposed to represent nostalgia and sadness. The poet being in he present describing it as september rain makes sense because it shows pain from an old wound perfectly but could it also be that relationship was shaky from the very starting? We obvi know the poet's perspective but not knowing her/his perspective makes me question? It could be totally irrelevant but still. Then again, not so sure because petrichor is meant to be pleasant. So was this meant to be a contrast between his/her feeling and the poet's?
Tbh i don't think anything more could be added to the rest of the poem- the rawness, something i crave, is quite right there. The overstimulating feelings which then transition into something a lil more optimistic in the end is a good ending for now.
Now i need a sequel, prequel and an entire novel on this.
peace, love and no bs
Nandini
So the september rain thing is a positive old memory being drawn up that has now turned hurtful to recollect despite the abundance of positive natural metaphors due to the negative emotional metaphors. So you got that right.
This poem is WOWIE YIPPIE CHEF'S KISS! It is truly amazing how you used the different sections to show the journey from being heartbroken to finally finding peace. The way you described the memory as serrated lines in your heart is OMG ABSOLUTELY SCRUMPTIOUS (yummy :3)writing because it makes the pain feel sharp and real like a physical wound. It is amazing how you called the person a ringmaster and a coward. It is beautiful how you stood up for yourself in those lines and the part about good things that is being repeated adds such a sweet but sad rhythm to the wishing. It is outstanding how the ending feels so calm like you are finally ready to let go of the burden of loving them.
Also, OMG A FLOPTRICA FLAG hehe