Point in Time

Hello, I'm going to leave a quick review.

First off, thanks for sharing this piece. I tend to assume pieces like this are narrated from the perspective or personal experience of the writer, so I apologize in advance if I make assumptions that are inaccurate.

Anyway, this written work does well at conveying the narrator's feelings about another unnamed person in their life. I kind of like the fact that the other person is not named. It seems that this technique can signify either the significance or the insignificance of the person being described. Either they are significant enough that there is no need to name them, or they are so insignificant to the writer that they do not even bother to include their name. (That's an observation I never necessarily noticed before now lol) I think it's fitting that either/both of these reasons are applicable here. At first, the other person was significant to the writer, but as time passed, the relationship fell to dust, and now that person does not hold the same place in the narrator's life.

Another thing I like is that I don't believe you specified what relationship the narrator had with the person they're writing about. The implication - or at least the most likely assumption - is that it was romantic in some way. But I think there's also room for the possibility that it was just a really dear friend, or maybe even a sibling. In any case, the focus doesn't need to be so much on what the definition of the relationship was, so much as on the emotional aspect of the bond between them - which you have depicted well, at least from the viewpoint of the narrator.

I felt like it was a little ambiguous as to whether the person being described reciprocated the writer's feelings. You talked about them zoning out and whatnot, and I wasn't sure if that was because they were just so enamored with the narrator that they were lost in their face and their simple presence rather than their words, or if it was because they kind of didn't actually care that much about the narrator. So this piece could either be a bittersweet reflection on a former shared bond between two people, or it could be a bittersweet pining for the object of the writer's affections, someone who never quite saw them the same way.

Either way, I think you've pretty much conveyed what you set out to show. Sometimes a person is so close to another, and they think it will last forever, or at least that the memories of them will never fade. But then with time, they do fade. As time and space come between them, it's hard to feel the connection or even the deep feelings there once were.

I find the use of the strikethrough lines interesting. It seems to me that these are secret thoughts that the writer almost doesn't even want to admit to himself/herself. Because of that, the last strikethrough line seemed to stand out a little to me. Instead of adding on to what was said in the previous line, it simply reiterates the thought. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but to me it did have a shift in the feel of things. But that doesn't mean you have to change it or anything. I like the way it reiterates the preceding line. And I especially like the imagery of a canvas and the idea of art. Time, experiences, and relationships paint the picture, but where once there was a lovely picture, the canvas has now reversed to nothing. There is no more relationship. It's a great way to illustrate the emptiness, to state in imagery the fact that the relationship is no longer there.

You seem to have a pretty good sense of the writing craft, at least as far as pieces like these go. It is formatted well and easy to read. You also seem to have a clear voice, and you convey your thoughts well and with a fairly good flow. Keep up the good work!

Heyy there! Warmly welcome to YWS !
I tried picking my favorite line from your piece of literature. Unfortunately, all of the lines were so good, I had to select the whole work at the end

"Every morning of mine started when I finally saw you, and every day ended by waving goodbye to you."
I love this line. This tells me how much the narrator was in love with this 'you'.

"A selfish, stupid part of me wants the same to be true for you too."
Though the narrator feels like it's a stupid part of them, it is natural to feel this way when you are so much in love <3!

There's a great flow in your text, that delivers the reader to the very end upon starting. There is no breaking free, for me at least .
And I love the layout. There's great freedom in the position, and purpose of text, although it might have been not so easy to do so with a simple text editor we have here on YWS .

The ending with the strikethrough "It is blank." is truly mesmerizing. Makes the reader look at the 'pristine canvas' in a whole different way, and realize how much better it could have been with that 'speck of colour'.

Once again, I love this work of literature <3! It is great for a newcomer like you (though u might have been active outside YWS ), and keep on the great work!