Sometimes, I feel akin to a shadow.
A wisp you only see in the corner of your eye; when you turn, there is no one there. A hint of something that once existed, but could not persist.
Like something you know is there in the back of your mind, but never really registered. Not forgotten, just unseen. Blending perfectly into the background. Part of the picture, but not instrumental to it. When I walk the halls, no one matches my eyes with their own.
I can't compare to a memory, because I am not remembered. Not truly.
___________
I know I shouldn't give credence to it. Shouldn't paint my soul black and aspire to finally become what haunts the crevices and nooks. I know I shouldn't ponder on such thoughts, because they do not make me happier. Do not make my life better. Do not illuminate my existence well enough to be seen, but I can't help it.
After all, If I truly am that detestable, obliviated shadow, left out from the annals of history and the minds of those who make it, then how can I resign my thoughts to the same fate?
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137,601 Literary Works • 672,050 Reviews
Hello! Milesperhour here to review your work!
I find this very relatable lol. I agree with everything Tuesday said about this being a very moving piece with excellent imagery.
I really like your use of metaphor in this piece! You really capture the feelings of insignificance that we all feel sometimes. Both the first and second half also have very distinctive vibes, which is really cool.
One bit of criticism is that some of the phrasing is a bit awkward and confusing at times. For example, the line "matches my eyes with their own" could be made a little bit clearer, something more like "meets my eye," bc I'm not sure if "matching eyes" is a phrase that people use.
Overall, I really like this piece, very impressive considering you wrote it in the middle of the night lol.
Hey there, Tuesday here with a review! I'll be using the YWS'more Review style, so please let me know if you have any questions!
Graham Cracker - Overall Impressions:
This is a really thoughtful and introspective piece about feeling invisible and overlooked. The shadow metaphor runs throughout the whole piece and creates this haunting, melancholy mood that really captures what it's like to feel unseen by the world. You've tapped into something that a lot of people can relate to - that feeling of being present but not really noticed or remembered.
Toasted, but Slightly Burned Marshmallow - Room for Improvement:
The second section feels a bit wordier compared to the clean, simple language in the first part. Words like "obliviated" and "annals" feel a little forced when the rest of the piece has this more natural, flowing voice. The line "Do not illuminate my existence well enough to be seen" is a bit clunky and could be simplified. Also, there's a small grammar thing - "If I truly am that detestable, obliviated shadow" should probably have a comma after "detestable" since you're listing adjectives. The transition between the two sections could be smoother too - maybe a cleaner break or a connecting thought to bridge them.
Melty Hershey's Chocolate Bar - Sweet Parts:
Your imagery is absolutely beautiful! The opening lines about being "a wisp you only see in the corner of your eye" immediately pulls the reader in and sets up this perfect metaphor for feeling invisible. The way you describe blending into the background - "Part of the picture, but not instrumental to it" - is such a precise way to capture that feeling of being present but not significant.
This line really got to me because it's such a raw, honest way to express feeling forgotten. There's something powerful about how you distinguish between being forgotten versus never being noticed in the first place. The whole concept of questioning whether your thoughts deserve the same fate as your existence is really profound - like, if no one sees you, do your internal experiences even matter? That's a deep philosophical question wrapped in beautiful, accessible language.
Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts:
This is a genuinely moving piece that captures a very human experience with elegant imagery. The shadow metaphor works really well throughout, and you've managed to express something complex about identity and visibility in a way that feels both personal and universal. With just a little polishing on some of the word choices in the second section, this could be even stronger. The emotional honesty here is really compelling - it takes courage to write about feeling invisible, and you've done it beautifully.
Have a wonderful day/night! :]